


Before The Fall

by BakeySama9, beneathstarryskies



Series: The Falling Trilogy [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Best Friends, Education, F/F, F/M, Falling In Love, Female Marauders (Harry Potter), First War with Voldemort, Hogwarts, Hogwarts Sixth Year, James Potter Being an Asshole, Love, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Unrequited Love, War, Young James Potter, Young Lucius Malfoy, Young Marauders, Young Remus Lupin, Young Severus Snape, Young Sirius Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 19:33:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 73,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23622385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BakeySama9/pseuds/BakeySama9, https://archiveofourown.org/users/beneathstarryskies/pseuds/beneathstarryskies
Summary: Stevie Frost and Rosalind Cygnus are both Pureblood witches from prominent families. For years they've been running with the Marauders despite the disapproval of their parents. As Lord Voldemort's influence continues to grow they find themselves having to come to terms with where they stand both in the looming war and in their friend group.|This is book one of a planned trilogy.|All even chapters are written by Queen_Of_Naps.All odd chapters are written by BakeySama9
Relationships: Bellatrix Black Lestrange/Voldemort, Emma Vanity/Original Female Character(s), James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lucius Malfoy/Original Female Character(s), Remus Lupin/Original Female Character(s), Severus Snape/Original Female Character(s), Sirius Black/Original Female Character(s), Tom Riddle | Voldemort/Original Female Character(s)
Series: The Falling Trilogy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1700383
Comments: 5
Kudos: 11





	1. Chapter 1

All summer I waited for someone to write to me. Just a few words here and there, but it seemed like it was a lost cause to just wait around for my friends to send word of what was happening with them. It was almost like this silencing charm had fallen over all of us, and none of us knew what to write even. It was like all of the knowledge of this upheaval was going to boil up deep inside us, and make us explode as the days got darker and more worrisome. I knew that things were very tense with the war upon us, but I never thought that it would finally catch up to us and make us so afraid that we didn't want to even risk seeing each other, let alone write.

The war had started about six years ago when Lord Voldemort had come to his full power and potential. He had been ordering people to see the trouble and mischief that muggles and muggle born wizards seemed to bring to the wizarding world. Although it seemed like it had just begun, the Dark Lord had already recruited lots of followers. It was like he wanted to finish Grindelwald's quest for power, only fueled by his own reasons. I wasn't exactly sure what these reasons were, but it was nonetheless frightening. After many terrifying years under Grindelwald's regime of terror, it seemed like there would be peace. But Voldemort made sure it would never come to that. It was like the wizarding world was always destined to be war torn and scary.

It was like we could never find a moment of quietness and happiness. I pace around my room a few times, just hoping to hear the 'tap-tap-tap' of an owl's beak on my window.

It was no use, I could tell we'd all have to just reconnect once again on the train. I wanted nothing more than to hear from Lindy, who was usually the first to send me an invitation to the Cygnus estate. We spent most summers together since we met in first year, and our families got along quite well. Her parents were fond of my grandparents, yet they found my father to be eccentric and erratic. He could be a ranting lunatic sometimes, but when he was around them, you could tell they were more than just uncomfortable with his personality and odd quirks.

It was more than that, he was deemed an outsider to most famous wizarding families, regardless of the Frost status that stood for centuries. Some say he had finally cracked and lost his mind once my mother died, but I never really knew my father to be any other way. I also longed to hear from Remus, who was my closest male friend. He always knew how to comfort me and what to say when I was having a bad day. He was smart, charming and not to mention, very attractive. I had never told anyone that I had some feelings for him, but James and Sirius had sussed it out in no time, so they decided to tell Lindy. Peter had his suspicions, but was never clever enough to figure out who it was.

Sighing, I threw myself onto my soft bed and I tried my best to keep myself occupied with another chapter of 'One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi', but I found myself rereading the same line over and over and over... It was starting to get dark outside, and I wonder if I could even be bothered to try and sneak out at this hour.

' _Sirius would be very approving of this action_.' I laugh to myself as I thought of my shaggy haired friend.

I was a bit worried for him, seeing as his brother had joined the ranks of a nefarious group known as the Death Eaters. This was one of the last things we had all discussed on the train home. It made me sick to my stomach knowing that young Regulus was now part of this group. He had always been the apple of his parents' eyes, but now... ...this was even more dangerous and austere. Regulus was always prim and proper, getting good grades and making sure his parents knew that he believed in blood purity and that muggleborns and muggles were bad people. I always remembered him as being soft and almost sort of pliable. His parents could easily fill his head with thoughts of evil and how he would make the family proud if he followed the dark lord. Orion and Walburga always thought the world of Regulus, and how he should be the heir to the Black family and not Sirius.

How could someone so young and smart be roped up into something so frightening as joining You-Know-Who supporters? I knew why, and I knew how. I just didn't want to let myself believe it. Regulus and Sirius were a part of a very prestigious family, who had long been believers that blood purity and dark magic were everything. Even my family had been this way for centuries. Back in the medieval times when Hogwarts was just starting, my family made sure that no Muggles would ever step foot near the castle. My family joined in riots, protests and even torturings of Muggles. Murder wasn't off the table back in those days either. Wizards felt the need to purify the world of all non magical folk, and somehow throughout history, muggles just got better at either winning these battles or ignoring us. I've always been ashamed of this part of my history, and I'm sure Sirius feels the same way about his family. Our families have always been implicated in these cruel acts of violence, and yet we're supposed to be proud of it. How could anyone be proud of a family history of torture and death?

'Tap-tap-tap' And there it was. My first and only letter of the summer. There was less than a fortnight before school would be starting up again, and we all could finally sit down and talk about what roles we might have in the coming future. It was going to be our sixth year, and that meant a lot of deliberating on our careers and lifestyles would be happening this year. I open the window to find a shabby, orange barn owl staring me in the eyes. It seemed so sweet, and yet so old.

I let it in, and I untied the scroll from it's leg. I felt so alleviated to know that Remus had finally sent me something. It was like a wave of relief washed over me, and I finally felt like this insurmountable pressure was lifted for maybe just the short period of time it took me to read what Remus had sent.

_Dear Stevie,  
I'm sorry I haven't been writing to you this summer.  
I'm sure it's the same reason I've not heard from James, Sirius or Peter. Or why Rosalind hasn't even been to your estate at all.  
This war is dividing a lot of us, and our family lives and school lives are about to be exposed for how differently we lead them.  
I just can't shake the feeling that our group of friends might have to finally choose sides this year, or even worse, we may have to split up.  
I'm worried about the role I must play, and how things could change everything for all of us.  
I hope you aren't too cross with me when we see each other again for not keeping up correspondence.  
Just know that I've been told by multiple sources that sending letters nowadays could lead to interference and that could be dangerous.  
Regulus and Sirius have both been on my mind lately. I hope they will be alright.  
It's terrifying to think that after all that's said and done, Regulus still chooses the side that could help potentially ruin his life...or worse. I hate to frighten you, or even make you feel like you're being pressured into joining(or not joining) whatever side makes you feel comfortable.  
Given your living situation, I know how your father is. I also know that there is a good side to your grandparents, and that Ares' mother may be from a pureblood family, but that doesn't mean that she's completely set in her ways.  
Many tidings of love and good faith to you, Stevie. We will soon be reunited, and I have a good feeling it will be wondrous when we do. I also have a terrible sinking feeling that this may be the last year we all are together and have fun.  
Sincerely, Remus._

The letter was heavy on my heart and my mind, but I knew I could trust Remus and that he meant no harm. He was never one to lie or to hurt people's feelings on purpose. One of his only flaws was that he often turned a blind eye to James and Sirius' mischief and awful deeds. It was even sometimes that he was sometimes influenced or strong-armed into joining in on their so-called fun. It really felt great to know that Remus had been thinking about me this whole time.

I had also heard the rumours about the letters being intercepted by the Death Eaters. It had been alarming how just six years could change everyone's view on blood purity and how muggles would be the death of us all. It had only been a little over thirty years ago since Grindelwald had been imprisoned by Dumbledore, and that most of the wizarding world had felt somewhat more safe. Witches and Wizards were trying to reach out to muggles, and trying to patch up the large gaping wound all that mess had left. Not long after what happened, we all found ourselves with this mess. With the uprising of the dark lord, Lord Voldemort. It was horrid enough to know that he too had been sorted into Slytherin house, but that he was now recruiting most of the house's members one by one. My father, who had been ever so faithful to Grindelwald's teachings, found himself depressed and unenthused about his imprisonment.

It wasn't long before my father was starting to interest himself in the doings of the Death Eaters.

It always brought sorrow to me to know that I had killed my mother. Her body just couldn't survive giving birth to me, and I always felt the blame for that. No, maybe I hadn't killed her, but it always felt that way to me. Maybe had she survived, father might be more tolerant to the world outside his little bubble, and maybe she'd keep him in line and we'd be the happiest family ever. But, she lay in her grave, rotting for sixteen years now. I know my father never lets me forget it, but I knew that if she were out there, somewhere, anywhere...she'd forgive me. She wouldn't even have to forgive me because I hadn't done anything to kill her.

I found myself unable to breathe easy, and it took some time for me to unwind and sit on my bed once more. I knew my father had dark tendencies, but somewhere in his heart, he did care for Ares and I.

Usually, this manor was quiet, and my grandparents kept us on lockdown most days. They did this so we would not get in my father's way. They knew just how much being part of the Death Eaters was so important to him. Their days of supporting a dark wizard were long gone, but they still saw my father's fight against muggle-borns and muggles as the right thing to do. Yet, I could tell they were afraid of what was to come. They were no longer young and spry, and despite their beliefs, they wanted to shield Ares and I from the dark world and war that was upon us. Cecilia, Ares' mother, lived with us as well even if my father and herself hadn't been romantic in quite some time. She was a soft-spoken, yet resilient witch. She took care of my brother and I for the most part, and my grandparents mostly tried to live out their very long glory days alone in the gardens.

It had been so long since we had a formal party here at Frost manor, yet I could still remember the first time my father and grandfather had held one. It was when I was about twelve, and I had met quite a few influential witches and wizards that day. Many families had been present during the days of old when they would burn muggles at the stake. It was like some sort of sick revenge on those who dared try to do the same to their ancestors. These days, I mainly stayed friends with the same people. Rosalind, Sirius, James, Remus, Peter... I could still remember the way Lindy and I had met.

It was our first day at Hogwarts and we had just been sorted into Slytherin...

'So, you're from the Frost family?' this dark haired, green eyed young witch asked me.

'Yes, and what of it?' 'I've heard so much about your family.It would seem like it was fate for us to be sorted into the same house...unlike Sirius, who's been sorted in Gryffindor.'

'Who's Sirius?' I didn't have too much information on any of the wizarding families back in those days. My father was hardly home to even start teaching me about who was who. I only knew the names of a few families.

'Sirius Black. Him and I have been friends for ages. The Black family is pretty well known, unless you've been living under a rock. My mother says that we'd be best off to stay close with them.'

'Oh, well...I haven't got a mother.' It had been so difficult to say those words.

'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend or pry into your life. I'm just trying to make conversation.' I saw the twinkle in her eyes that made me feel like she was being sincere.

Something about this conversation had made me come to see other children in a different light. Children weren't burdens. They could be friends and care about you. In some ways, Lindy had changed me when she apologized for her comments. It wasn't even really like she had said anything wrong, I was just sensitive to the subject of mothers.

From then on, Lindy and I let our acquaintanceship grow into a beautiful friendship that lasted for years. Thinking back on those times made me reminisce on the days when we'd all get into trouble with the boys. They'd always find some way to piss off one teacher, or to get us caught sneaking out late at night. Lindy was always by my side, no matter what we'd go through. It wasn't long before all of us had found our own little niches and interests. Our bond grew stronger as we got older, and it was scary to think soon we might be apart to follow our own lives.

Just as I was about to keep thinking about the old days, there was a knock at my door. I thought it might be Cecilia or grandmother checking up on me. It was Ares.

'Stevie, father has returned home. He'd like to see you in the study.' I felt nervous and afraid of what was yet to come.

Would father be in a good mood or would he be in a foul one? No one could ever really predict it since he was so good at masking his emotions. My grandmother told me that once he used to be very open and a charming person, but all that changed when my mother left this world. Grandmother told me that my father always was a bit of a follower, and that he would often be influenced by greater people. Even in school, he'd follow his teachers' rules immaculately. He would never venture off the path. I never knew my father to be a rule follower, he always seemed like he was doing whatever he felt like these days. Especially since I turned eleven and started my first year at Hogwarts. He had become even more strict than before, but he also spent more time outside the family estate.

Those days, he tried everything to find a way to release Grindelwald from prison. There were still some loyal followers back in those days, but it almost seemed like a lost cause. This frustrated my father to no end, and he knew that his time as becoming someone strong and powerful was almost over. He knew Grindelwald's influence over some people was beginning to simmer down, and most folks weren't very scared anymore. Until Voldemort appeared on the scene, and my father perked up right away. He had found someone else to help him become someone important...someone of value.

Just before entering the study, I took three deep breaths and prepared myself for what's to come.

"Father." I say solemnly.

"Dear Stephania, why won't you sit next to your dear old dad?" and he pats the seat next to himself. He was smoking his pipe, and the smell in the air was very familiar and nostalgic to me. It reminded me of my childhood and when my father would stay home for extended periods of time

. "So you've returned from your trip abroad, I see," I sat next to him, and I hoped the conversation would be pleasant.

"Yes, and I've learned some new pieces of information that prove to be very useful to myself, my family and of course, to the Dark Lord. I'd hope that you take my cautions seriously, and will not embarrass me no matter what happens next..." Father sighs inwardly, and he finally looks me dead in the eyes.

"I would like it--no, rather, I implore you to stop seeing your blood traitor friends. The one from the Black family especially. What a disgrace to his family, and to our own, seeing as the two of you have become good friends over the years."

"But, Father...I don't understand why this has to be this way. I've always been friends with Sirius and Remus and James...and even Peter!"

"This is nonsense! You will listen to me and my every word. Do not talk back to me!" he starts shouting, and it almost seemed like the light in his eyes had gone out.

This always seemed to happen whenever my father was furious. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes, and I try my best to hide my upset demeanor from this hatred filled man. I loved him dearly, but sometimes I thought it would be better if I wasn't part of this family.

"And another thing, I forbid you from seeing your uncle, Alois. You know how much of a stain he is on this family! Now that I've made this clear to you, I want you to know that I'll be watching you this year when you are at school."

I could tell he was being serious, and finally, I couldn't hold back my anger and disappointment.

"NO! I won't listen to your awful hate filled speeches any longer. You've tried to do this to me year after year, at least when you've decided to grace us with your presence. You're almost never around," I was sniffling and crying at this point, "and you make me feel like I'm responsible for what goes on around here! You're too obsessed with power and your family's reputation than you are with your own children." Father's face contorts in a sickly grin, and he then decides to unleash the worst thing a father could say to his young daughter.

"You're the reason your mother died. Your mother died because you were a curse on her body. I wanted to get rid of you when you were still in the womb, but she protested and cared for you until you sucked all the energy out of her body! YOU KILLED HER! YOU BLOODY MURDERER!" He was shouting, and ranting and raving.

Tears spilled down my cheeks, and I had always felt like he saw my mother's death this way, but he had never revealed his true thoughts to me.

"If that's how you really feel, then I shall leave." I stand up, and I pack all the things I needed for the fortnight before school, as well as my school supplies.

"Stevie, where are you going to?" Cecilia asks me, and we both could hear my father yelling from the study.

"Anywhere that's not near that crazy man. He's not my father. I have no parents."

"Stevie, please don't leave. You know your father doesn't mean to be harsh with you," Cecilia tries to reason with me, but I couldn't allow myself to be spoken to like this any longer.

The man who called himself my father could still be heard yelling throughout the hallways. I shuddered thinking how much worse it could be if I stayed. I slam the doors on my way out of the manor. Down the road a little ways, I wave my wand out and I hear the rustling of something driving way too fast. It was the Knight Bus.


	2. Chapter 2

Every year my parents host a small dinner party right before we go back to school. Once upon a time Stevie and Sirius would be joining me, but with Sirius staying with James now and Stevie's father having dropped off from society this wouldn't be happening again.

Her father has been increasingly erratic, and I suppose my parents decided to back away from the Frosts for the sake of appearances. Both of our fathers had been some of the first supporters of Lord Voldemort since they had gone to school with him. However, my family still sees the need to remain respectable in order to keep circulating money to funnel back to 'the cause' as my father calls it.

My mother spends all day ordering the house elves as to how she wants everything decorated, and she makes finicky remarks about the final menu. I truthfully could care less about this party now that it's just going to be me surrounded by my parent's friends. So, I spend the day on the garden patio reading a book in the warm sun to avoid the commotion.

My cat, Dex, lounges happily in the sun next to my feet. She purrs when I reach down to stroke the top of her head. I drop my book on my lap when I realize I've read the same page twice without taking anything in.

I begin to think about what I think this school year will be like. I've changed so much over the summer. My body had been slowly becoming more feminine since first year, but this summer I experienced a sudden rush of femininity. My hips round out more delicately now, and my breasts have grown. I could already hear the taunts of my friends from school, or even worse the taunts instead becoming flirtations. Still secretly I hope Sirius Black would notice. We've been friends our whole lives, and have had a back and forth flirtation since third year.

There's just the fear of splitting the friend group that put a damper on things. James wasn't particularly fond of Slytherins no matter what their attitude was, and while Sirius understands me he still follows James closely. It's been putting a block on our friendship for years, but with things becoming more tense I fear the worst is yet to come.

"Lindy, darling, it's time to get ready" my mother beckons me from the back door.

"I'll be up in just a minute," I promise with an obedient smile.

My mother is waiting for me in my bedroom when I go up. She's already picked out a dark purple dress with a lighter purple lace overlay. Blue silk butterflies and white enchanted flowers are sewn onto the overlay. My mom has always been a bit of a leader in fashion. She owns boutiques called Cygnus Designs with one being in Hogsmeade and her main store being in Diagon Alley. She has a keen eye for what would suit a certain body type. I'm lucky to have her in many ways. I like fashion and its ability to help one stand out. My mother has often emphasized the importance of an outfit. However, when she picks things out for me she doesn't particularly dress me to my desires. She dresses me up to fit into the image she wants. This is a nice example of that. While the dress she's picked out is beautiful and I appreciate that she's put a lot of work into it, if I had a choice it wouldn't be this one.

"Don't you think it's a bit much?" I ask as she begins taking it off the hanger.

"Of course not," she insists. "A young witch presents herself as she wishes to be seen. The more enchanting the fashion the more enchanting the witch."

I pull off my clothes and slip the dress on. My mom fastens the buttons in the back as I study myself in the mirror. I have to admit it does look nice on me. Considering I have the nearly exact same face as my mother, it's nice to stand out at least through fashion. The only difference between us is the signs of age on her skin, just some crows feet mainly. I'm jealous of my twin brother, Ronan, who is able to have his own face.

My great grandmother was a talented witch obsessed with immortality and youth. However, upon realizing she couldn't defeat getting old she switched her sights to a legacy. This resulted in a seemingly unbreakable family curse. Every female descendant of her family will share the same face: Her face. The only side effects being that our green eyes almost seem to glow at times and if my mother is any proof it slows our aging process as well. My mother was the first to bear the curse, and now it's passed onto me. If I have a daughter, she will bear it as well.

"You look lovely, Lindy. Just beautiful," she beams.

With a flick of her wand my dark hair is pulled into a loose bun, a few face framing curls are left over. I reach up to pull my hair down, but she swats my hand away. I move to sit down on my bed so I can put on the matching purple pumps she's picked out.

"Lucius Malfoy will be here," she says excitedly.

I let out a groan, "Mum, he's been out of school for three years."

"So what? You only have two years ahead of you, and he's such a handsome boy."

"You just like his family," I grumble.

"I do like his family," she agrees. "The Malfoys are very respectable. A union would be beneficial."

"Blegh."

She lets out a sigh, "That's very ladylike indeed."

She leaves me alone to finish getting ready. I apply some light makeup just to match the occasion. Then I head down stairs to the parlor where my parents have already begun to accept guests.

Horace Slughorn is the first to show up, which he always is. He sucks up to my father a lot due to him being a well respected historian. I like him as a teacher, he's one of the few who attempts to make class interesting. His status collecting is rather annoying. He greets my parents first before walking over to me.

"Good evening Rosalind! Are you looking forward to sixth year?" he asks me.

"I am, professor! I am very excited about having moved onto N.E.W.T.s level potions," I say with a polite smile.

"Ah, I'm sure the O.W.L.s were simply a breeze for such a brilliant student," he says with a playful wink. "And of course you and Ronan are our prefects this year, which is exciting! Where is that twin brother of yours?"

"He's away for the summer studying dragons," I explain.

I have missed Ronan this summer. I'm proud of him for pursuing further studies, and I know this is something he feels strongly about. Still, it was lonely spending the summer with just myself and my parents. Add on the fact that nobody seemed to write letters this summer, and it was all rather boring.

"Ah, he'll have some interesting stories to tell Slug Club then won't he?"

I nod with a small smile, "He most certainly will."

Slughorn moves along to greet my mother. The Blacks arrive, but not the ones which include Sirius unfortunately. Druella and Cygnus Black are the next to arrive. Our families are deeply intertwined. In fact my grandfather Alister Cygnus is his namesake. However, I am relieved they didn't feel the need to bring their girls along. Andromeda was unfortunately disowned, and she was the only one I liked. Bellatrix is terrifying. I was relieved when she graduated. Narcissa is a seventh year, and she is extremely snobbish. Needless to say, there were no ill feelings about their absence.

The Malfoys are the next to arrive with Lucius joining them. I'm surprised when Lucius breaks off from the adults to walk over to me with a confident smile. Lucius and I are involved in many of the same social circles and our parents are friends, so it's never been odd to see him around. However, we rarely have singular interactions.

"Hello, Rosalind," he greets me. His silver eyes look me up and down causing me to blush, "That dress looks lovely on you."

"Thank you, you've gotten taller."

He chuckles, "I suppose I have."

I look down at my feet, unsure of what I want to say now. Lucius represents everything I hate about society. Yet, I can't deny how attractive I find him. His long hair is just begging to have fingers run through it. He has masculine, albeit arrogant, facial features. Not to mention he's tall and athletically built. If Stevie (or God forbid, Sirius) were here they would tease me mercilessly about it. Although there many nights in the Slytherin girl dormitories that Lucius' name was brought up during a game of "Would you rather?" that ended in every girl in the room blushing like crazy.

"So, you'll be taking N.E.W.T.s level classes this year?" he asks, surprising me with his attempt at true conversation. Usually he greets me and then moves on to the next person.

"Yes," my brain screams at me to say more, "Potions, Defense Against the Dark Arts, Charms, Transfiguration, and Herbology."

"You know, if you find yourself needing help I'm happy to lend a hand," he offers.

"Thank you," I smile. "I would appreciate that."

"Slughorn says you're one of his best students," he comments.

I laugh, "Slughorn is a bit of a fame collector I think."

"That is quite true," he smiles. "Anyway, perhaps I could see you off tomorrow?"

"Oh, that's not really necessary," I insist. "I appreciate the offer, of course."

Lucius smiles, "Of course. I was just hoping to get some time with you before you have to take off."

"It's too bad my parents always throw this party at the end of the summer."

"Perhaps I could write to you while you're at school? Certainly it must be boring since I've gone."

I have to wonder why Lucius Malfoy would care to get to know me so well all the sudden. I doubt it's entirely innocent, yet I'm dying of curiosity. When I was sorted into Slytherin, Lucius was one of the prefects. He had always been very helpful and nice at school and he's obviously handsome. I look over at my mom who smiles encouragingly.

"Why would you want to do that?" I ask curiously.

One slender finger comes to rest on my chin, tilting my face up to look at him. He smirks, "I just want to make friends."

"Ah, so there are no innocent intentions here," I laugh.

"Of course there are," he insists. He moves his finger along my jawline to push a strand of hair out of my face. "I would never harm such a lovely young witch."

Platform 9 ¾ is bustling with Hogwarts students and their families. It's always refreshing to see the excitement bubbling in first years as they get ready to go to school. I stop to greet a few of the first years as I make my way down the platform. My parents stop to talk with someone they know, and I take the chance to slip away from them.

Dex meows in her carrier. I know she's not fond of being locked up, so I promise her she can get out as soon as we board. I see Stevie standing next to James and Remus. Peter Pettigrew lingers along beside them.

She waves excitedly at me as I make my way across the platform to the small group. Stevie and I embrace while exclaiming how happy we are to finally be seeing each other. James and Remus both offer my friendly hugs. Remus and I are the only ones wearing our robes, and we both wear our prefect badges.

"Hello, Lindy," I hear Sirius say.

I turn to him with a smile plastered on my face. Sirius pulls me into the warmest hug, and his lips brush against my forehead. After not seeing him all summer it was wonderful to be so close to him again. I take in that earthy, distinctly Sirius smell.

"It's so good to see you," he says.

"I know," I answer with a smirk.

"Okay, okay," James pulls us apart, "Let's break it up you two."

"Love birds," Peter adds half heartedly.

"We better get boarded," Stevie says as the Hogwarts Express lets out a whistle.

We all gather our things and board the train. We all pile into one compartment. Remus, James, and Sirius sit on one side with Stevie, Peter, and myself on the other side. I release Dex from her carrier, and she immediately moves along the compartment to allow everyone to stroke her while purring. Apparently she'd missed my friends over the summer as well. Except for Peter, who earns a hiss when he reaches out to pet her. She finally settles into Remus' lap, earning a satisfied smile from the otherwise serious boy.

"So, did anyone do anything interesting this summer?" Sirius asks.

Everyone just grumbles and shrugs in response. Stevie is the first to actually speak up.

"I left my house," she says. "I live with my aunt and uncle now."

"What happened?" James asked, a concerned look on his face.

We all listened intently as she explained how her father has gone off the deep end in his support of the Dark Lord's ideas. It seemed there was hardly anyone who was untouched by the growing threat. Sirius' younger brother, Regulus, has already joined up with them. My own father was among the first to offer Tom Riddle support right out of Hogwarts, my mother has even spoken of allowing him to host some of his meetings in our house since his following has grown so much. The thought of Lord Voldemort being in my house gives me the chills. It's hard for me to understand how anyone could come to follow such a cruel man. Yet his influence seems to be overtaking everything.

It's almost expected of Ronan, my twin brother, to eventually join the Death Eaters as well. I don't think he's particularly interested in joining, but my father talks about it all the time. To my father there would be nothing greater than his own son carrying on the support. If my mother wasn't so desperate for me to marry well (and happily unlike Bellatrix Lestrange) I may have been expected to join as well. It's odd to think of myself as being a Death Eater. I think of the manic support Bellatrix has offered to Lord Voldemort's cause over the years. I can't see myself looking up to anyone as much as she does Voldemort.

The best thing my parents think I can do is marry well and produce more purebloods to join the cause. Lucius Malfoy is at the top of the suitor list. The first reason being that my father likes his support of Lord Voldemort, and respects his father. The second reason is that my mother thinks he's incredibly handsome, and she assumes he'd make a nice husband. Our union would bring respect to both families, not to mention my mother likes that with our combined family fortunes I would never have to worry about money or work.

"Maybe you're better off now that you're out of that house," I suggest to Stevie, "You're free from your father's insanity."

Sirius laughs, "Geez, if only we could be so lucky!"

I let out a sigh, "My parents aren't so bad. Not compared to what you guys deal with."

"You guys should hear it at my place since Regulus joined up with the Death Eaters," Sirius explains. "All my parents talk about is how perfect he is now."

"Just think, You-Know-Who could've been our Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher," Remus says with a shudder.

"Yes, my parents are very regretful that Dumbledore wouldn't allow it," I say while rolling my eyes. "Speaking of which, any word on who will be teaching it this year?"

Everyone shrugs.

"There's no point in bothering to get to know them," James says. "They won't last anyway."

I'm relieved when the sweets cart rolls through, effectively pulling us all off the topic. Everyone takes their time picking out sweets, and everything goes quiet. As I watch the world roll by outside the window, my mind wanders to my parent's dinner party. I'm eager to tell Stevie about what happened with Lucius, but I know one mention of his name in present company would be met with gagging sounds. It's so incredibly frustrating to feel split between two worlds.

Sirius reaches over and tugs playfully at a strand of my hair to pull me out of my thoughts. I turn to look at him and he offers me a soft smile before returning to his sweets. After everyone is satisfied with their "lunch" James and Sirius begin mingling with other compartments like this is a social function. I know that James is looking for Lily Evans, he's been keen on her for years now. I just hope it doesn't end with him and Sirius bullying Severus again. Remus and Peter fall asleep, leaving Stevie and I to our own devices.

I take the opportunity to tell Stevie about what happened with Lucius at my parent's dinner party. She listens to me retell the details to her.

"Lucius was flirting with you," she whispers.

"I know," I agree, "But why?"

She shrugs, "Maybe he was just bored or something? Not that I don't think Lucius Malfoy would like you, it just seems odd that he would be so forward."

"I think it may have something to do with my parents. They've come into favor with You-Know-Who recently. I didn't want to say anything to the others."

Stevie raises an eyebrow, "Really?"

I sigh as I think again about how excited my mother had been when asked to design the new Death Eater robes. It all seems unreal the more I think about it.

"Yeah," I sigh, "I can't say much about it because I'm not supposed to know so much."

She reaches over to take my hand, "It's okay. We'll get through this together."

After a few moments of quiet I excuse myself to go make the rounds to ensure nothing too mischievous is going on. There's a lot of pulling young lovers a part, which immediately makes me unpopular. I stop by a compartment with only one first year girl sitting by herself. I step inside with a small smile.

"Hello there," I greet her.

"Hi!" she beams. Her dark hair is pulled into a tight braid.

"How are things going so far?" I ask her.

She looks down at her folded hands, "It's pretty lonely."

I sit down beside her, "The first train ride is pretty lonely. But by the time Christmas break rolls around I bet you'll have lots of friends."

"Thanks," she smiles. "I hope so!"

"Until then, my name is Rosalind Cygnus. I'm in compartment 12 if you need anything."

"My name is Ali Louis."

I bid the girl goodbye, and I returned to our compartment to find everyone piled inside asleep. Dex happily sleeps in Sirius' lap. I take a seat beside Stevie, and I spend the rest of the ride staring out the window. 


	3. Chapter 3

After the Knight Bus debacle, I decided to stay with my uncle Alois and my aunt Mary in their London maisonette. It was comfortable, even though smaller than what I'm used to. Alois and Mary help me feel more at ease and treat me with such kindness, it was almost unbelievable the difference between them and my father. They were always looking out for me, even when I was a young girl.

Alois usually came over to the estate, before he got married, and would take me on trips to the park or the movies. He always seemed so sad to see me, because he knew how menacing my father could be.

It wasn't long before my uncle got married, and my grandparents disowned him for being with a muggle-born woman. At this point, he would secretly sneak me out of the manor and take me to all kinds of places so that he could tell me things about my mother, and he would tell me how my father used to be when they were younger.

Soon after, my father found out and forbade me to see my uncle ever again, but we always found a way to stay connected and communicate with each other.

It was odd how different these two men were, despite being brothers and having been raised in the same home with the same values. Something clicked inside Alois' head when he was about seventeen, and that's when he started dating Mary. They were a nice couple, and I could tell that things had really rattled the family once it was known that Alois wasn't going to follow the rules and family values any longer.

A few days go by, and I find myself worrying that maybe I had made a mistake. I know Cecilia and Ares are probably worried, as are my grandparents. I hoped that maybe even my father would regret yelling at me and blaming me for my mother's death...I couldn't stop thinking about how he had yelled at me, and how much I could tell he was really changing for the worst.

My father had always been an enthusiast for the dark side of things, but now he was truly lost in it all. I remember during my first few years of Hogwarts, he would try and converse with the other parents. Now they all seemed to fear him. It wasn't even because of his inclinations, but because he was starting to deteriorate mentally. He could no longer hold regular conversations with people. He was so bent on chaos and destruction that people saw him as a threat and not an ally.

It was no use to worry about those things as school was fast approaching and I had to gather a few materials to get me through this school year.

Finally, it was the day of departure, and Mary woke me up very early in the morning. If we wanted me to make the train on time, I had to be in and out of Diagon Alley as fast as I could. There were a few textbooks and school materials I still needed to gather up. Mainly stuff for my N.E.W.T classes that I was sure I had passed.

We make it to Diagon Alley, and Mary and Alois have a few things to gather up themselves, so I decide to wander off on my own and find my things. I was going to need more parchment, and certainly more quills. Plus it couldn't hurt to grab a few more reading materials for the school year.

After just forty five minutes of shopping, I was emotionally exhausted. It was hard for me to see all the young witches and wizards shop with their families for first year school supplies. I never had a mother, and it always made me so depressed to see other people be able to spend time with their own. 

Seeing Lindy and her mother get along always hurt so badly. I know that Mrs. Cygnus saw me as a thorn in her side a bit, but I always tried to get on her good side. Growing up, I really wanted Lindy's mother to see me as a second daughter, so that I could be considered in their family. Unfortunately, as I got older, I realized that I could never replace the love of a mother with someone else's mother. I was missing something, and Mrs. Cygnus was not going to fill that void. Besides, I could tell that she didn't like the crowd I was hanging out with.

I find Alois and Mary quickly after that, and they apparate us to the train station.

King's Cross station was bustling with people this time a year as both wizards and muggles were headed off to school. It was almost bittersweet for me to head off to school. Usually Ares and Cecilia would join me, and she'd see us both off. In the early years, father would join Cecilia in seeing Ares and I going off to school, but as the years went on, he just stopped. I think this was partly because he didn't really care too much about the sentimental things in my life, but also because other parents were becoming frightened by him.

Getting to the platform wasn't easy, as you always had to make sure muggles weren't looking at you as you ran through the wall and through the portal. Most muggles weren't paying attention, but some were curious and had wandering eyes. My father always gave them a dirty look if they even bothered to turn their heads our way. That always caused them to look away frightened.

I board the train with my friends, and we try our best to reconnect despite the heavy thoughts lingering in our minds. I try my best to detail my summer and what happened with Father, but I can tell that most of us are so exhausted emotionally. We talk about the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, and James says something along the lines of them probably not going to last more than a year.

Not long after the train takes off, James and Sirius are hopping into everyone's compartment and making stupid jokes.

I didn't mind. The silence helps me think about all kinds of things, and it definitely helps me put all this drama into perspective.

Lindy then starts recounting her story about Lucius at her family's party, and how her parents have joined up to support the Dark Lord. I'm trying my best to comfort her, but we fall into a silence. It's getting dark outside, and I'm extremely tired from waking up so early this morning.

"I'm going to go make my Prefect rounds with Ronan, I'll be back in a few," Lindy beems proudly.

Last year, both Ronan and Rosalind had been sent owls from the school, and within those letters were two badges. Prefect badges to be exact. I knew that Lindy and Ronan had been very proud about being chosen to be Prefects.

Mr. and Mrs. Cygnus had been over the moon about this fact. They took every opportunity to brag and talk about it at every social function. I couldn't really blame them. If I had been chosen to be Prefect, I think my grandparents would have been very happy with that as well. Even my father would have shared some encouraging words.

I was just happy that it wasn't me. I didn't want that much responsibility. But having the Cygnus twins as the Slytherin Prefects was definitely a plus for me. I could get away with some things that other Prefects might not like me doing.

I started thinking about all the things I could do with those two by my side, like staying up late, sneaking out to have a snack in the kitchens, maybe even sneaking off to go see Sirius and Remus in the Gryffindor towers...

It wasn't long before I had fallen asleep, and the next thing that happened was Lindy shaking me awake since we had arrived at Hogsmeade station.

"C'mon, it's time to get up. The boys went ahead of us," Lindy says while shaking her head, "they said something about needing a good spot at the Gryffindor table. Whatever that means." We both roll our eyes at this.

I groggily made my way out of the train, where a few students were taking their time to leave as well. I wasn't the only one who fell asleep on this ride to school.

We catch a carriage up to the castle, and a few younger students join us. It was a bit uneventful, so we all kept quiet until we got to Hogwarts.

Once inside the castle, I realized I hadn't changed into my robes, so I told Lindy that I'd be super quick to do this.

"Okay, I'll meet you at the table!"

I rushed towards the first bathrooms, and I was already grabbing the spare uniform out of my carry-on bag that I forgot to give to the attendants after we left the train.

' _Thankfully I'm forgetful sometimes.'_

I make my way into one of the stalls and start changing. I could hear the footsteps of two other people come in.

"Did you hear about Emilia Jones? Did you see her hideous brooch?" One of the voices snicker.

"Ugh, what an insufferable twat. She really thinks she's a know-it-all," replies the second voice.

I couldn't tell who either of them were, but I could definitely tell I didn't want to run into them while I left the bathroom.

"Oh, I also heard about Sirius Black. Apparently, he's been disowned from his own family! Can you believe that?" This time the second voice starts the gossip.

It was so cruel to hear that news traveled so fast in the wizarding world. Rumours and truths were passed around at parties like it was nothing, and it was always us younger people who would suffer the consequences of this gossip.

"Oh, did you hear about the Frost family? I heard the girl's father has direct contact with You-Know-Who! She must be just itching to join the Death Eaters herself," the first voice starts up again.

This was now personal, and I could tell that most people thought I was evil just because of my family's status. My father's devotion to the Dark Lord made it so hard for me to try and shed this lingering darkness on my name. It wasn't the first time I had heard people whispering these sorts of things behind my back, but I knew that it wouldn't be the last time too. It hurt me to think that most people thought I was just another supporter of the Dark Lord, but in reality, I wanted all of this to end. I really just wanted to be a normal teenager and go to school with my friends and have fun. I know that a lot of girls in the other houses thought I was crazy and had inherited the madness that was within my father, but I wasn't like that.

The two girls leave while laughing to themselves, and I just feel like I was lower than scum. I knew I shouldn't listen to them, but I couldn't deny that their words hurt me.

The sorting ceremony was halfway through by the time I made my way to Lindy at the Slytherin table. She looks concerned but eases up when I sit next to her.

"Sooo, what did I miss?" I joke.

We both hated watching the sorting ceremony. It was always so long and tedious.

"Oh you know, a few first years joining our house...that sort of thing," she jokes back.

Across the table I see Ronan and my brother talking to each other. Even though Ares was a year younger than us, he still fit in so well with everyone. I was jealous at how likeable and agreeable he was to everyone around him. Even father saw Ares as the rightful heir or the Frost fortune, and he was so proud of his son. It wasn't fair that my brother got all this attention from all the right people, and most people just treated me like I was crazy.

"Hey Stevie, I think someone is staring at you." Lindy nudges me, and I look in the direction she was talking about.

I lock eyes with Severus Snape, who immediately blushes and turns around as soon as I catch him staring.

"What's his deal?" Ronan asks, finally noticing me.

"Who knows? You know he's always been weird and a bit of an outsider," Ares says smirking, "especially after he called that girl a you-know-what."

The event he was talking about happened last year. I remembered being angry at James and Sirius for this moment, but I knew there hadn't been much I could do about it.

Realistically, it wasn't actually their fault. They had hexed Severus, and Lily Evans had come to his rescue. Everyone knew that they were childhood friends and they were often seen hanging out together.

But on that day, Severus had been pushed too far by my friends. He was furious and embarrassed, thus he ended up calling Lily a mudblood. It was terrible. Everyone saw the look on her face when the words tumbled out of his mouth. You could have cut the tension with a knife that day out in the courtyards. Severus and Lily's friendship never recovered since then, and he was now alone and without many friends.

His only companions were the Death Eaters, but more specifically two Slytherins. Avery and Mulciber, who were both cruel and definitely had joined the Death Eaters fairly early on. It was also known that Severus had been pretty close to Lucius, who had taken the young wizard under his wing during the years that Lucius was still in school.

It really helped shape Severus into who he was today by being around Lucius. You could see how much influence Lucius had on the younger wizard.

"Yeah, that was a bit much for him. Sure, blood purity matters to lots of people, but to say that to your own best friend..." Lindy says.

This made me think of how Severus might be trying to make friends with people from his own house. I never really spoke to him much, just a few things here and there considering we were both in Slytherin house. He had helped me a few times in Potions, but at this point, I had become very good at that class.

There was a lull in the conversation before Ronan started talking about his summer in Bulgaria, and how he had spent time with dragons and lots of interesting people.

I didn't want to tune out, because I was very interested in dragons, but I couldn't help but think about how lonely Severus was. It made me a little sad, because I was also lonely. After everything that happened this summer, I just wanted to be around people I loved and cared about.

"Hey, did you want to head up to the dormitories now?" Lindy was asking me, "I've just got to escort the first years if you don't mind walking with all of them."

"Oh, yeah sure! Let's go!" We walk down to the dungeons.

Once we get to the portrait, Lindy tells it the password, and we walk right in. There's another beautiful example of how having my best friend as Prefect is super convenient. I never have to guess the password. Lindy turns to the group of first years and starts explaining to them about how the password and portrait work.

"So, the password changes every fortnight, and it'll be posted on the bulletin board," she sighs, "I'd appreciate it if you could all take notice of this, but I'll help if you need me."

The first years look a little afraid of her, but I can tell some of them are tougher than they appear. One of the first year girls is looking at Lindy with lots of admiration.

"I think Ronan is going to take care of the rest of the first years, so let's head up to the dorms."

"Do you think that Sirius is enjoying his time with the Potters?" I ask Lindy as we climb the stairs to our dormitory.

"I'm sure he does. You know how Sirius is. He wants to be wild and free. He doesn't want any constraints on his life." Lindy sits on her bed, and I sit on mine.

We shared this dormitory with a few other girls that we had a few interactions with. I wasn't terrible with remembering names, but I knew that they had been kind. At this moment, we were the only two together in the room.

"I'm really excited about classes tomorrow! I ended up passing all the classes I wanted to take this year. How about yourself?" Lindy changes the subject as she passes me a sheet of parchment with my O.W.L grades.

I scan it over, hoping that I had passed all the classes I wanted to take this year as well. Everything looked good, and I could breathe easier knowing I wouldn't have to drop any of my favorite classes.

"Also, there's apparition lessons this year! Can you believe it? We're finally here! After this year, there'll just be one year left before we're able to make our own lives!" Lindy's optimism and excitedness was so infectious.

I smile at her, and I set the sheet down on my end table. She looked at me, and she could tell I wasn't feeling very chatty.

"Okay, tell me what's wrong," she could always tell when I was feeling conflicted inside.

"I'm just worried I'm making a mistake with my father," I say reflectively, "you know I've always wanted to patch things up with him and be a family again."

"Oh Stevie, I hate to tell you this, but your father isn't good for you. I know you love him, but he hasn't been well for years."

I hated hearing that, but I knew it was true. Lindy would never say something so hard to hear if it weren't true.

I sit next to her and give her a hug. She smiles sweetly at me, and we just talk about a few mundane things like how much homework we'd be getting this year, and how much of an ass James could be. How could he even bother thinking that someone like Lily would even give him the time of day?

I return to my bed and I kick off my sneakers. Lying back comfortably, I look over at Lindy, who was lost in thought.

"Hey, what about you and Sirius, huh? How's that going?" I say while grinning.

"What do you mean? There's nothing really going on between us,"

"We all know you're a smitten kitten for Sirius, and he's just dying to get into your pants," I snicker.

"That's rude! I know he can be a bit of a flirt--"

"A BIT?! He's a major ladies man, and you know it!" I interrupt her.

The other girls in our dorm are starting to take interest in our conversation, but I pay no mind to them.

"Okay sure, he shags any girl that walks by him, or so he says. But that doesn't mean we're going to start a relationship. Especially not during our sixth year at Hogwarts..." She's a bit upset by what I had said.

"I'm sorry, Lindy. I didn't mean it like that. I just know that you and Sirius have had a connection for so long. I always thought you two would end up a couple," I was apologetic.

"It's okay. I think everyone thought that, but you know how things are when Sirius defies his parents, and I'm expected to marry into a well off family. It's almost like my life has been planned since I was little girl..."

This last comment made both of us stop and consider our own lives. Though we both had parents who supported the Dark Lord, Lindy and I grew up very differently.

For starters, her mother always thought I was rough around the edges, but she still pretended to like me for the most part. Lindy was expected to be a little princess and to follow the rules.

It sometimes worried me because I was afraid that Lindy would lose that little voice inside her that would tell her right from wrong. She would still stand up for herself most times, but if it had anything to do with her family or their status, she would shut up and put up. It made me angry that she would just blindly follow her parents lead.

I often tried to reason with Lindy so that she would let loose and have some fun from time to time, but she didn't want to get into too much trouble. I would coax her to join in on our mischief, but she started becoming a model student by the time she was halfway through her second year. There were times when she wanted to rebel, but her parents controlling force had a strong hold on her.

Secondly, my only mother figure had been Cecilia and my grandmother, but this would never help me grow up to be some famous wizards' trophy wife. I wanted love and adventure in my life. Cecilia and grandmother never really taught me what it meant to be a trophy wife.

Finally, I knew that Lindy always felt like she was bound by duty and honor to her family. Despite hanging out with a ragtag crew of Marauders, she would get good grades and be an exemplary student. I never made fun of her for that because I knew she was very proud of that. We were all proud of her for being intelligent and brilliant.

There were times when I would be tormented with the idea of our friendship falling apart because her mother would talk her into ditching me. Our friendship had lasted a long time, but Lindy sometimes displayed actions and said certain things that made me feel otherwise. Would she leave our group to finally please her parents wishes? Or would she just teeter around that edge so that she could have the life we all thought she wanted?

"So, how about you and Remus?" Lindy breaks the silence. I look over at her with confusion in my eyes.

"What about us?" I ask in a sassy tone.

"Oh come off it, Stevie! You and Remus have been giving each other the lovey dovey eyes since third year, and you know it!" She starts laughing.

"So what? It's not like Remus would even bother to date me, let alone any other girl in this school," I start, "besides you know how he feels about dating." We both knew that Remus didn't feel right about dating someone.

When he was younger, he had been attacked by Fenrir Greyback and was afflicted by lycanthropy. Remus was a werewolf, and he was always afraid of hurting those he loves.

"He should just get over that and you two could become a couple. It's quite obvious he's been pining after you for a long time," she's smiling at me now.

"Well, it's not going to happen considering every time Sirius and James bring it up, Remus clams up and runs away. He always makes excuses." I'm a little sad at the fact that my feelings for Remus could never come to fruition.

"Leave it to James and Sirius to try and play matchmaker," we both remember the time they tried to set up Peter with some young Hufflepuff girl, only to have her run away when she realized who she would be set up with, "that girl had no idea what was coming to her." We laugh until our stomachs ache.

"I could just never see Peter with anyone. He's so meek and...well, he's ratty!" I quip.

Now some of the girls are laughing along with us, and two of them are sitting and attentive to our conversation.

"You mean Peter Pettigrew? Gosh is his hair so overgrown this year or what?" One of the two girls says.

"He's not so bad sometimes, I think he's kind of cute," the other girl starts to explain, "in a little brother kind of way!" She retorts.

We all have a laugh at this one, and then silence falls on all of us. Lindy is grinning at me, and I can't help but let out a few loose chuckles.

"Well, it's pretty well known that he's such a suck up to James and Sirius," Lindy brings the conversation back to just us two.

The other girls turn in for the night, but I can tell Lindy has more things to say to me before we fall asleep. I start by disrobing, and I know that Lindy doesn't mind too much if I change in front of her. We've been like sisters to each other since the middle of first year.

"He truly is, and he's always one to start gossip," I'm in my pyjamas now, "especially if it's about someone else. He always wants to be in the know, and it probably helps so much that he's so rat-like." I didn't want to say out loud about how he was an animagus, seeing as it was illegal for the guys to be that way.

"Yeah, do you reckon he heard us on the train while I was talking about Lucius?" Lindy asks, a little panicked about having told me all of this on the train instead of in our dormitory.

"I mean, it's possible, but he's so stupid anyways. It's not like he really remembers much," I try to comfort her as we're slowly drifting off to sleep, "who's he going to tell anyway? Sirius? As if Sirius cares about Lucius Malfoy anyway." I say as I close my eyes one final time.

Lindy doesn't say anything else, but I can't help but feel that maybe we should have waited to be in the dorms before talking about Lucius.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Stevie and I make our way to the Great Hall for breakfast. I have a full day of classes with only two breaks between. I'm excited about classes, and hope to be able to pass my N.E.W.T.s with flying colors just as I had my O.W.L.s. I remember when I was sorted, it took the sorting hat a full three minutes to decide between sorting me to Slytherin or to Ravenclaw. I was fearing it would come to a Hatstall before the hat finally announced that I was to be placed in Slytherin. I remember it kept droning on about my inquisitive mind, although I still think I've managed to put it to good use even being in Slytherin rather than Ravenclaw. I work very hard on my studies.

Although neither of my parents expect me to work after completing my seventh year, I'm still interested in becoming a Healer. After watching my parents live such a self-serving life, I can't help but desire to go beyond that. Although sometimes I feel like I'm just going to crack under all the pressure they put on me. My life has more or less been planned for me since the beginning.

We find our little group of friends sitting at the end of one of the tables in the middle of the room. For meals we aren't formally split up by house, although most of the time it happens naturally. The boys already look distraught. While they greet Stevie, they don't even look at me.

"Good morning," I say with a smile hoping they were simply tired. I'm me with grimaces.

"You've got a lot of nerve wishing us a good morning after what we just learned," Sirius says.

Stevie looks up at me with widened eyes. Peter looks down at his plate. That pathetic little rat!

"And what exactly is it that you've learned?" I ask with a raised eyebrow.

Sirius and James both let out sarcastic laughs. Remus nudges them in an attempt to put an end to this before it escalates. He's honestly too darling of a boy to hang around those two gits sometimes.

"Someone is expecting letters from Lucius Malfoy," Sirius booms as though hoping the whole Great Hall hears him. I do notice a few people turning to look at us. Including Professor McGonagall and Professor Dumbledore.

"So what?" I cross my arms over my chest, "I can get letters from whomever I please."

"And he touched your hair, and he wants to be 'friends' I presume with privileges. I'm sure your parents are thrilled! Barely started sixth year, and you've already found the perfect match," Sirius growls the last sentence.

I want to throw pumpkin juice in his face or something ridiculous like that. Instead I just try to take a calming breath.

"I have to be polite to people, Sirius. I don't have the convenience of hating my family unlike you," I try to explain. "I have responsibilities. I can't just fight what my family is."

"You can, Rosalind. Everyone can rebel, you just don't want to. You want to be everyone's favorite little Slytherin," he leans forward with his fork gripped tightly in his fist, "What are you going to do if You-Know-Who himself shows up at your parent's house? Are you gonna be accommodating to him as well?"

"Fuck you," I spit before stomping out of the Great Hall.

My heart pounds in my chest as I feel everyone's eyes on me. I hear Stevie following me, trying to urge me to stop. Finally, once outside the Great Hall I stop. She rests her hand on my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me. I shrug it off. I couldn't shake the feeling that if Sirius felt this way about me, then perhaps everyone did. Nobody had spoken up in my defense. I couldn't even speak up for myself.

"I'm so sorry," Stevie says.

I shrug, "It's my fault for telling you on the train."

Without saying anything else I make my way to the library until it's time for my first class, Transfiguration. Luckily I don't have any of my friends in my first two classes, so I had time to myself.

Professor McGonagall already has assigned us an essay on the differences and similarities of Transfiguration and Transmutation. She is perhaps one my favorite teachers, but she doesn't play around when it comes to learning.

"If you managed to get into my N.E.W.T.s level class, then this assignment should be a breeze," she says when someone tries to complain about having a paper assigned on the first day.

So wanting to get a head start on the essay, I skip lunch. Instead opting to stay in the library to get started on my homework.

I have Potions with Stevie after lunch is over. She's already in the dungeon sitting at a work station close to the front. I set my things down on the table, before taking a seat. Severus Snape comes in, and sits down at the end of the table beside Stevie. I can see a slight blush on her cheeks. I feel guilty at her hesitance to greet me, but Severus says something to her before I have a chance to.

Professor Slughorn enters the room with a proud smile on his face as he looks around at everyone, no doubt taking a list of everyone he recognizes.

"Good afternoon, class," he says. "If you would, please gather around the front here."

We all scramble to gather around the front desk. Stevie and I stand in the front. Coming from one of the cauldrons I smell a comforting earthy scent like the forest after it rains, parchment, and chocolate pastries. Severus stands closer to it before turning to me.

"It's Amortentia," he explains. "It smells like what you're attracted to."

"Like who you're in love with?" Stevie asks, her eyes taking on a bit of a dazed look.

"No, I think it's just an attraction."

"Very good, Severus," Horace says before explaining for the rest of the class what Severus had just shared with us. He was very careful to warn us that Amortentia does not create real love.

He asks if someone can identify the next two, and without hesitation I identify veritaserum and polyjuice potion. Veritaserum is a truth potion, and it's very taboo to use. However, I once saw my father use it on our old groundskeeper, who he believed to have stolen an old family heirloom. I was only 12 at the time. Polyjuice potion is a complicated potion to make, but it allows one to take on the appearance of someone else. It's tricky in that it doesn't last very long, but takes ages to brew.

"The tiny vial is Felix Felicis, isn't it?" Severus asks.

Slughorn's face lights up, "Why yes! Liquid luck! And it is the reward for the student who can brew a perfect draught of sleeping death. Let's get started!"

Everyone scurries back to their stations, and hurriedly open their books to the recipe. However, it seems to be a disaster from the start. Within the first five minutes one girl's cauldron catches fire, and she has to be sent to Madam Pompfrey to heal burns on her hands. Stevie's mixture takes on the form of a sickly brown sludge. My own mixture completely disappears at some point. The only person not groaning in frustration is Severus, who I see altering the instructions. Horace is delighted when he tests Severus' potion and it's turned out perfectly. Severus eagerly takes the bottle of Felix Felicis, and Horace brags that he's the first student to do so. Everyone groans.

"Snivellus got the liquid luck," I hear a Gryffindor boy say. I turn to give him a dirty look before Horace continues with the lesson.

"One more thing before we leave," Slughorn begins. "We will begin covering Golpalott's third law. Who can tell me what this law says?" After a few moments of nobody raising their hands, I raise mine. Slughorn instantly looks pleased, "Yes, miss Cygnus?"

"Golpalott's third law says that the antidote of a blend of poisons can not simply be the antidote for each individual poison blended together. There must be an ingredient which can be added to usher in an alchemy change."

"Yes, exactly! Ten points to Slytherin!"

The Gryfindor's on the other side of the room let out a series of gagging sounds.

"Good job, Rosalind," Severus says as he leans over.

Stevie smiles, "Yes, Lindy, good one!"

"Now," Slughorn continues, "As we move on through advanced potions it will become increasingly important for you all to understand this law. That being said, for your first assignment is to write an essay on this law! I would like for you to research three examples of a blended antidote and the one ingredient that makes it so. I must implore you not to try to experiment with this on your own at this time," he explains. "This essay will be due exactly one month from today."

As we leave Potions class, Stevie and I talk about what the amortentia smelled like to each of us. She tells me that she smelled old books, spring, and tall grass. We both laugh it off. Sure, perhaps we found our smells attractive, but that doesn't mean the smells could tell us who we love as some girls seemed to believe. Mary Macdonald spent the whole walk from the dungeon going and on about how she was certain she had smelled Gilderoy Lockhart. She kept insisting this meant they were soulmates no matter how much we tried to explain to her this wasn't logical.

"Maybe she's under a love potion," Stevie jokes.

"She'd have to be to find that little git attractive," Severus interjects.

At dinner, Stevie and I sit by ourselves. Having not eaten all day, I eagerly pile food onto my plate. Sirius rolls his eyes in my direction as he walks past our table. He acts as though he's going to stop, but Remus pulls him along. I'm once again thankful for Remus being so willing to mediate among us. Although it seems more and more like there isn't an us.

"Do you think Sirius is going to hate me forever?" I ask Stevie after taking a few bites of my food.

Stevie laughs, "Yes. He is."

"I'm serious," I insist. "Do you think we're ever going to at least be friends again?"

"After everything he said, do you really want to be?"

I poke around a bit more at my food before letting out a heavy sigh, "I don't know."

Sirius was one of my long term friends, and we had liked each other. His words had hurt considering all this time I thought he understood where I was coming from. This is apparently not the case, and despite the words coming from a place of jealousy they still caused me to begin second guessing myself.

My brother sits down beside me at the table before anymore can be said about Sirius.

"Professor Dumbledore wants to see you in his office before you begin your rounds tonight," he informs me.

Stevie tilts her head curiously, "I wonder what that could be about?"

"Probably Sirius' outburst this morning," I conclude.

After ensuring all the first year girl's make it back to the dorms, Ronan tells me the password to Dumbledore's office. Stevie and I bid one another a goodnight before I make my way there. I let myself in. When I make it up the stairs, Dumbledore is sitting at his desk. The walls are completely lined with books. A constellation floats along the ceiling. His whole office is as big as the Slytherin common room, and he's filled it with magical objects and books. In the corner on a large perch, a large red bird I recognize as a phoenix preens its feathers. He's seemingly lost in thought until I clear my throat to signal my appearance. Dumbledore stands up to greet me with a soft smile.

"Hello, Miss Cygnus. How are we this evening?"

"I'm doing well, Professor."

"I'm glad to hear it. It seems as though you had a bit of a rough morning," he comments.

He indicates for me to take a seat in the chair across from his desk. With a wave of his hand a teapot and two cups appear along with a small bowl of sugar cubes.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" he offers.

"Yes, please. Two sugars," I answer, grateful for the topic change.

The teapot lifts into the air to pour two cups of tea. The prongs drop two sugars into each cup, and a silver spoon stirs each one. I take a sip of the tea, enjoying the warmth.

Dumbledore chuckles as he sits down behind his desk, "Yes, I suppose Sirius Black is a rather emotionally driven boy."

"Yes, sir."

"You don't seem to have that weakness," he comments.

I feel surprised that Dumbledore has ever given my disposition much thought. I find myself only being able to give a nod in response to his observation.

"Which, I assume you would have to learn early on to hold your innermost feelings close to your chest," he continues. "Your friends of course being such a mixed bag of characters, meanwhile your parents holding onto a centuries old dedication to blood purity. You must be quite adaptable, Rosalind. You seem to do a nice job of keeping your friends and family happy."

"I do try very hard to juggle both worlds," I confess.

"Of course the one exception being Sirius Black's comments earlier. It seems that your friends wouldn't be surprised to see you join your family's quest for blood purity. Yet your parents wouldn't be surprised to see you defect completely. That I suppose is the beauty of walking a fine line so delicately. Things could so easily tilt."

It was an odd feeling to be seen so clearly by an adult. I feel my heart pound in my chest. There was a sense of terror at having my whole life laid out so plainly, and yet there was comfort in knowing someone understood me.

"Professor, I don't know what to say."

He smiles, "Of course not. I just revealed your secret."

"I should go on patrol," I say.

Dumbledore nods, "Of course. It was nice to speak with you."

I patrol the hallways until half past curfew, and once I'm sure everyone is settled in for the night I make my way to the Prefect bathroom to take a bath. I soak in the warm bubbly water, and try not to think too much about what a disaster my first day of classes were. Academically it seemed I would be fine, but it's only day one and my personal life is a disaster. I hear Moaning Myrtle cooing echoes throughout the bathroom, but it's easy to ignore her. Typically she only really bothers with the boys. After almost falling asleep a couple times I finally crawl out of the large bathtub, and I pull on my pajamas.

When I get back to the Slytherin dungeon, I'm pleased to find Stevie sitting in the common room in front of the fireplace. She sits in one of the big brown chairs with a blanket pulled around her. Dex sits in her lap asleep.

"You know as your house prefect, I should make you go to bed," I comment.

She laughs as I come to sit down in the chair opposite to her.

"I wanted to wait up for you," she comments. "I was a bit curious about how things went with Dumbledore."

I reluctantly recall our conversation. It was hard to see the confirmation on her face as I repeat the observations he'd made about me. Still, she seems to brush it off a bit.

"He's kind of a crazy old man," Stevie shrugs. "I mean don't get me wrong, he's brilliant. It just seemed that the whole exchange was rather pointless."

"It really did," I shrug. "It was like he just wanted to let me know he's been paying attention to me or something."

"Maybe he's just checking in on you," she suggests.

Long after we've settled in for the night, my mind is still swimming with possibilities.

Owls arrive at the end of the week with mail. It takes longer now for our letters to get to us since they have to pass inspections now. I received two letters. The first being a letter from my mother. She drones on for a while about how much she misses me and how bored she's been since my father has been gone on business. She asks loads of questions about how the school year is going so far and if I'm making good grades. The second letter is from Lucius. Stevie and I exchange excited looks as she watches me open it.

_My dearest Lindy,_

_I would first like to extend my utmost apologies for not writing sooner, although I'm sure the first week of school has kept you quite busy. Severus tells me you're no longer friends with that blood traitor, Sirius Black. I am glad to hear that as someone of your excessive beauty and fine lineage should not linger with such filth._

_Your father has been gone on a business trip, so your mother has been entertaining my family quite a bit. I must say these functions are not as entertaining without you there. You certainly light up the room._

_I was thinking if you would be interested in having me visit you at Hogsmeade. I know you'll be home for Christmas, and I will be able to see you then. However, I would like to see you sooner if possible. I could meet you at The Three Broomsticks if you would like?_

_Please do write back as soon as you can so I can make the proper arrangements for a visit!_

_Sincerely yours,_

_Lucius Malfoy_


	5. Chapter 5

The rest of the week was pretty eventful all things considered. Nothing had really changed between Sirius and Lindy, but the rest of our group pretty much figured it wouldn't be long before someone caved.

It's not surprising that these two fight like cats and dogs (seeing as Sirius is a dog Animagus.) They are so alike these two, yet so different. Lindy favors listening to the rules, while Sirius loves to disregard all rules. Lindy likes to take things at a slow pace and she's a real romantic, while Sirius is a ladies man and will flirt with anyone in a skirt.

On the flip side, they are both passionate and caring. They both want to excel in their dreams, and they both will stand up for their friends. Not to mention, Sirius and Lindy both care about their looks a lot.

Little did we know that Sirius and Lindy were both hard headed enough to continue this little spat. As much as they both truly cared about each other, they were not willing to put down their walls and call a truce.

At breakfast, Lindy and I decide to sit together at one table where we can have a bit of privacy. She's fully emerged in her studies, and I'm trying to pretend to do the same. There's only an hour before the first class of the day starts.

"Do you think Sirius is a git?" I almost can't believe that Lindy is asking me this.

"You can't be serious, Lindy! You don't think he's a git, trust me." I try to reason with her, but she's visibly upset.

"After everything he said to me on our first day, one would think you'd be on my side of this!" She gets up without touching her food and marches off somewhere.

Lindy's been pretty touchy since the first day given the fact that Sirius really insulted her. Plus there was that meeting she had with Dumbledore last night that I believe didn't help her feel more at ease.

I really wish she would just talk to me about what's going through her mind because I felt like she was just trying to get me to be against Sirius. I, for one, was getting pretty sick of hearing both of them complain about each other day in day out.

And I really wanted my best friends to get along again. I didn't want any of us to be fighting, especially not during our first week of school. It was definitely distracting me from my homework and studying, but I was trying my best to be a good friend to both of them.

I pack up my things and make my way to my first class of the day. It's with Lindy, but I know she'll just ignore me and pay attention to her studies. All day I keep trying to reason with her, and I try to get her to agree to coming to Hogsmeade with me. She's still pretty upset.

Despite everything that happened between her and Sirius at the start of the week, I could tell she had been very excited to receive a letter from Lucius. I knew she was attracted to him, but she tried to hide it as best as she could. 

A few years ago, while we were in the dormitories, some girl mentioned Lucius. We had all been talking about cute guys, but I think this was the first time that Lindy thought of Lucius in a different way. Before this, she usually would just be polite to him whenever she saw him at the social functions her parents would plan. That night changed Lindy's mind on Lucius, and she definitely started seeing how Lucius was someone that she could be interested in. He was no longer just a family friend and status holder, he was a gorgeous specimen of man.

According to the letter, Lucius asked Lindy to meet him in Hogsmeade this weekend, which could prove to be a bad idea. Remus, James and I had tried to come up with a decent plan to get Sirius and Lindy talking by inviting them to The Three Broomsticks, but if Lucius would be there, it would just cause more problems. I planned to tell the guys at lunch that the plan was off, but I was distracted by Severus coming to see me.

He stopped me in the hallway, motioning for me to come closer.

"What is it, Severus?" I ask, kind of annoyed that he's keeping me from my friends.

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to maybe partner up for potions?" He's shy, and I can tell he's putting himself in a vulnerable situation by asking me this.

"Uhm, you do know I'm friends with Sirius and James right? Are you sure I'm the right person to be asking this?" I'm starting to think he's trying to toy with me.

"Yeah, I know all of this, but I was thinking that since we're both in Slytherin house and..." He's trailing off a bit.

I had never really noticed how much Severus had changed until this year. His black hair had grown out, which was now passed his shoulders, and those shoulders were a bit more broad. I think he may have hit puberty over the summer.

"Okay, we'll be partners for potions class, but you better help me get a good grade!" I tell him with a wink.

He blushes slightly, and I can tell I have some sort of effect on him. I never thought I'd be flirting with Snape, but here I was. Thoughts are racing in my mind as we both just stand in the hallway.

Suddenly I realize I won't have time to tell James and Remus to abandon the plan. I'm trying to get away from Snape, but it's obvious that lunch is finally over. I'm discouraged by this, but I hopelessly walk towards the dungeons.

Potions flies by so quickly, I can barely grasp how I'm so distracted by what's going to happen next. I can't focus at all on what Slughorn is saying.

All I can think about is how Severus was acting in the hallway. He's so cute, but it would be so wrong for me to even consider courting him in any kind of fashion. It's obvious I think he's attractive, but I don't want my heart to lead me down this road.

Then my mind flips to the idea of our plan to get Sirius and Lindy to start speaking to each other. I'm crushed by the image of us never being a friend group again. It's the same image playing over and over in my mind; the one of Sirius and Lindy having their argument on the first day of school.

Without warning, Lindy nudges me when the class ends, and I'm pulled from my thoughts.

"Oh shit, I gotta get to ancient runes!" I yell as I dash off towards the classroom. I knew that if I was late for another class, I'd probably get detention. I haven't been the most punctual lately, but I can at least try to be today.

A few hours later, the school day comes to a close and lots of students are piling into the Great Hall to start roll call to go to Hogsmeade. This is when it dawns on me that I never spoke to the guys about cancelling our plans to get Sirius and Lindy to talk to each other.

I worriedly try to find Remus or James or even Peter in the large crowd, but I'm being pushed by all sides. I do find Lindy, and she's very excited to meet up with Lucius.

"I just want to say before we head to Hogsmeade, that maybe you should reconsider speaking to Sirius," I try to tell her, but she's way too excited about seeing Lucius.

"What was that?" I think she's unable to hear me over the loud muttering of the crowd.

Finally, we're exiting the castle and she's following me. I can't help but really feel in suspense now. What am I supposed to do if Sirius tries to meet up with her at the same spot that Lucius is planning to meet up with her?

Once we get to Hogsmeade, I eventually find Remus, James and Sirius. I wave them down, and it becomes clear to me that Lindy is becoming impatient. She doesn't want to be seen with the guys anymore and that has become apparent by her following actions.

"I'm going to meet up with Lucius," she sneers at Sirius, "seeing as you're going to hang out with that jerk!" She struts off towards The Three Broomsticks.

I sigh and I almost feel like giving up. How could we get our friends to talk to each other and be friends again if both parties weren't even interested?

"So, that bitch is gone, do you guys want to head over to Zonko's?" Sirius asks us, but we know he's not very impressed with Lindy.

I can see the hurt in Sirius' eyes, but he's not one to wear his heart on his sleeve. Still, being friends with him for years has allowed me to see through his facade. He could pretend to be bitter towards Lindy, but I could tell that he truly wanted nothing more than to patch things up with her.

Sirius can be macho sometimes, but he does truly care about his friends. Especially when it comes to the women he likes, but Lindy is completely different from the women he usually sees. They've been friends forever, so whenever they have an argument, he tries to act all tough and she gets all huffy.

We all agree to head over to Zonko's, and while the guys are distracted by looking at the prank materials and goodies from the shop, I try to talk to Remus a bit.

I'm always trying to get closer to him so that he can see that a relationship between us won't result in him hurting me. I'm not afraid of him hurting me at all. I'm tough and I can take it. The only hurting he's doing to me is by not listening to his heart.

"So, enjoying your afternoon?" I ask him, and his face flushes slightly.

"Oh, yeah I suppose this is nice amidst everything that's happening."

I smile at Remus, and I feel someone wrap their arms around Remus and I. I'm groaning internally as this person pulls us closer together.

"Oh look at you love birds! You two should head down to Madam Puddifoot's!" James jokes and Sirius is making mocking kissy faces towards us. I'm beyond loathing their gestures and jokes at this point.

"Oh shove off!" I push James off me, but he's still mocking me and Remus.

"You guys are such assholes," I walk out of Zonko's and down the road towards a few more shops. It can be so overbearing to hang out with two of the most immature guys in the school.

Inside The Three Broomsticks, I can see Lucius and Lindy having a nice conversation. In my honest opinion, I did like the way they looked together. She spots me outside and waves at me, so I wave back and walk on towards the Shrieking Shack.

It's a cold day today, and it almost seems like the wind picks up near the shack. I know it's not haunted (our group knows it's been Remus making all those noises while transforming into his werewolf form) but it makes me feel sad for Remus. I wish I could be there for him when he transforms, but he always tried to hide it from me. Even a few days before the full moon, it would always seem like he would purposely avoid me. Whenever the moon would shift closer to being full, Remus would be very irritable and could barely look me in the eyes.

I never really took full notice towards that, but now I wondered if Remus even really liked my company or maybe he was just being nice to me because we were a group of friends. Inside, my heart hurt to think that maybe this was just him being nice throughout all these years.

Someone is getting closer to me, and I don't even bother to turn around. Whoever it is, they're probably just trying to get past me to go on to another shop.

"Stevie," it's Severus, which kind of surprises me.

I turn around to come face to face with the teenage boy. I don't expect my breath to catch in my throat when I look at him. In this light, he looks breathtaking. I never really noticed this before because I always saw him in the dim lighting of the dungeons.

It doesn't help that Sirius and James call him all sorts of names like _Snivellus_ and _greasy dungeon bat_. They certainly don't paint him in a good light, which definitely doesn't help his love life. It's probably gotten even worse now that Severus and Lily are no longer friends. 

I never knew that Severus was quite handsome, and his black eyes were super magnetizing. I never knew he could look so charming and inviting, like some sort of hero in one of the fantasy books I've been reading.

"I didn't mean to scare you," he's walking closer to me now, "I just noticed you were alone and I was wondering if maybe you wanted to have a drink of butterbeer with me."

Once again I am filled with all sorts of emotions. I feel like my heart and my mind can't decide on how I truly feel about this guy.

One side of me wants to go with him, but the other side of me thinks that this is just a trick. Severus does usually hang out with some very unsavory people.

I just wanted things to be normal, but I guess it was too much to ask for at this point.

"I thought you'd be hanging out with Avery or Mulciber?" I ask cautiously.

"They don't like to come to Hogsmeade, but I figured it would be nice for me to stretch my legs." He asks in a bashful voice.

"I guess a drink of butterbeer wouldn't hurt."

We make our way to The Three Broomsticks and Severus opens the door for me. I never knew he had manners like this. I guess spending years with James and Sirius will have you thinking bad things about someone.

"Oh look, there's Lucius and Lindy! Did you want to sit with them?" Severus motions to the table in the corner.

I nod and we walk over to them. I can't shake this feeling of guilt; almost like I shouldn't be here with these people.

I sit across from Lindy, and Severus sits next to me. Lucius raises an eyebrow towards me, but he looks proud for Severus.

"What happened to the guys?" Lindy asks as she takes a sip of her drink. It doesn't look like butterbeer but I can't imagine it's something that's going to get her drunk.

We have to go back to school in a few hours anyway. It wouldn't make sense for Lindy to get in trouble this early on in the year. Whenever we do get into some mischief, she usually joins in during the end of the year when all the exams are finished.

"Their being downright gits," she laughs at this, "you know, the usual."

A waitress comes by and Severus orders us a round of butterbeers, and Lucius whispers in the waitress's ear. She giggles slightly, and Lindy shoots her a death glare. Lindy's already feeling jealous and possessive over someone she's not actually in a relationship with.

"So, Severus, how are things at school? Still interested in potions?" Lucius begins conversation, and I try to think about other things.

It pains me to think that it's the first Hogsmeade weekend, and I'm with Severus Snape instead of my best friends. None of this would be happening if Lindy wasn't so into Lucius and if Sirius wasn't being so jealous. I'm mentally cursing my friends for being such stubborn asses.

"Are you alright, Stevie?" Lindy is shaking me out of my thoughts and I nod weakly at her.

"Lucius and I were going to check out some shops together, and we're wondering if you wanted to join us." I notice that I haven't even touched my butterbeer.

"Oh no, I think I'm going to head back to Hogwarts." All I want to do now is get away from everyone.

Severus seems a bit disappointed that I'm leaving, but he gets roped into being their third wheel. I bid goodbye to this group, and I start to make my way back to the castle. It's gotten even colder out, but I pay no mind to the weather.

Just before I can even leave Hogsmeade, I find the guys hanging out on a bench outside of Honeydukes. They all look pleased with themselves, as if they just ate pounds of sweets. I figure that was true enough, seeing as Remus is a huge fan of chocolate.

"Oh, and here comes Stevie, who's now in love with Snivellus!" James quips, and I'm so furious with these guys. Sometimes, they really can give you a headache with all their bullying and being like a bunch of little boys.

"Leave her be," Remus groans, and I'm so thankful he's on my side. Maybe I was wrong to think he wasn't truly my friend.

"Yeah, in love with Snivellus!" Peter snickers under his breath, but I wave my fist at him. This shuts him up very quickly. Gosh, I can't believe how much of a wuss Peter could be sometimes.

"Are you headed back to the castle?" This time it's Remus asking to accompany me rather than Severus, which is a nice change.

We're both headed towards the castle while James and Sirius make fun of us. I roll my eyes and flip them both off. Those two will never stop being gits until their dying day.

"So, why were you with Severus?" Remus inquires. He sounds a bit jealous, but knowing Remus, he's not usually one to let his feelings show too much.

"I guess it was just because I was alone and annoyed of James and Sirius making fun of me all the time." I tell him honestly.

"Yeah I hear that," he's studying my face, "are you feeling okay, dear?"

"You mean despite the fact that this may have been one of the longest and most difficult weeks of my life?" He nods, "I'm fine. I'm really grateful to have you as a friend." Remus smiles at this.

At this point, we've reached the courtyards and the sun has just set. The mood and lighting out here is just romantic, but I know that nothing will happen between Remus and I. Nothing romantic ever happens between us, even if everyone in the world tries to make it happen. I'm thinking of giving up on this fantasy I have of having a werewolf for a boyfriend.

"Oh darling, you are so tough to take on all of this," he brings me into a hug and I melt, "you're such a strong person."

We stay in our embrace for a little while, and finally I find the strength within me to let go even though I wish it would last forever. This was the first time in a long time since we've shared a proper hug. It felt so good to have him hold me. I could smell the faint scent of old books in his robes.

"Good night, Remus." I tell him as I lean up to kiss his cheek. His face heats up quickly, but he's left mouth agape and touching the spot where I kissed him.

"Wait, Stevie!" He calls out to me, but I'm already going through the doors of the castle.

This is exactly why I never understood why we couldn't be together. Remus was so innocent, so there was just no way I could see him hurting me on purpose. Remus is so sweet and so gentle; he's really good with people. He always knows exactly what to say to people.

Walking to the dungeons, I feel so tired. This has been an arduous day and all I wanted to do was sit by the fire and study. I wasn't really excited about studying, but I knew that relaxing would help me clear my mind.

I climb up the stairs to the dorm to retrieve my books to study when I notice a small sheet of paper on Lindy's end table.

Curiosity gets the better of me, and I read what is scrawled on the paper. I'm stunned to find that it's a note from Sirius.

' _When did he give her this?_ '

It's just a note saying that he's annoyed with how she's acting, but he's also proclaiming how much he misses talking to her and all of us hanging out. It's kind of sweet, but I don't really know how to take this.

I can't believe Lindy would hide something like this from me. After the whole week with them fighting, and this is what she chooses to do instead of come to terms with how she feels about Sirius. I feel very betrayed that she wouldn't tell me about this. I thought we were best friends.

I'm wondering if I should bring this up with her, but I don't want her to know that I was looking through her things. Even if she did hide this from me, it's still rude to look through someone's private things.

When I get back down to the common room, I notice that Severus has returned, and there aren't many students here with us. Severus looks angry so I'm thinking maybe I should distance myself from him.

That's when I notice he's sporting a black eye and it looks particularly nasty. What could have happened between when I left him with Lucius and Lindy and right now? Were James and Sirius behind this?

Of course they were! How could I think anyone else would do something like this to Severus? The guys were always trying to pick a fight with him, and he was always outnumbered.

"Are you okay?" I ask him, but he won't even bother looking at me. I just shrug and try to immerse myself into my ancient runes homework. It always fascinates me how fast people can be annoyed with you.

"Why do you even bother being friends with those gits?" Severus calls out to me.

"What?" I know who and what he's talking about, but his attitude has changed so much since this afternoon, I can't make heads or tails of how he's really feeling.

"James and Sirius mostly, but the whole lot of them are just assholes!" He cries out, and there are tears flowing down his cheeks.

I feel a twinge in my chest, and somehow I'm feeling sympathy for Severus Snape. Somehow this all feels unreal and I can't shake the feeling that I'm not going to be able to help him whatsoever.

When I sit next to him, he seems to change his demeanor. He's being defensive and it's obvious that he's embarrassed to be seen like this. His eyes turn very dark and he scowls at me.

"Don't bother, Stevie. You're just as bad as they are." As I'm trying to comfort him, he just gets up and leaves me alone. I can't believe how badly this day has turned out.

All of this has become way too confusing, and at this point, I just want Lindy to return from Hogsmeade so I can vent my feelings to her. How could I be so conflicted in my heart? I've never had feelings for Severus Snape. Before this year, I never even thought about the idiot. I just basically ignored him unless the guys were trying to get a rise out of him.

And now, I felt like I was totally crushing on him. There was no denying it anymore. It was true, and I just had to deal with this fact now.

Hours pass slowly and I'm getting antsy. Eventually, Lindy comes into dormitory, and she's practically skipping. I haven't seen her this happy since we got to Hogwarts last week. She walks over to me with the biggest smile on her face.

"Have a nice time with Lucius?" I inquire, and she looks at me like a school girl who's just had a date with her crush...which is exactly what has happened.

"Oh Stevie, Lucius is so charming and wonderful. I really think that maybe I'm starting to like him," I gag slightly at her revelation, but she's not paying attention to me.

"Where did you head off to? I thought you and Severus were having a good afternoon." She's sitting down on her bed, and she spots the note immediately.

"Did you read that?" I can tell that Lindy's a bit miffed, but she's trying to hide her intentions. I'm ashamed to have been caught red-handed.

"Read what?" I feign my innocence. Lindy has been my friend for so long that she can tell when I'm fibbing. There's no sense trying to hide what's happened now.

"Okay so I read it! How could you hide this from me?" I'm kind of bothered she wouldn't tell me. This was such a serious note to hide from your best friend!

"I hid it from you because I didn't even know how to feel about this note myself," she sits next to me on my bed, "I never even wrote back to him or spoke to him since he threw this at me in the hallway."

"Yeah, you're not the only one juggling some pretty weird feelings and emotions." I didn't mean for this to slip out, but now that it's out in the open, Lindy is looking at me curiously.

"What do you mean by that?" She quizzes.

I groan and throw myself back onto the bed.

"I think I have a crush on stupid Severus!"


	6. Chapter 6

Things seemed to go on peacefully for a while. The warm summer turns into a cool autumn. We all got into a routine of going to class. Sirius and I still make it a point to avoid one another. I received at least one letter a week from Lucius, but I was starting to become less open with sharing its contents with Stevie. It felt bad to be hiding things from her, but at the same time I felt like it must be a slap in the face to hear me speak of Lucius. It’s not as though he writes me any of much consequence. Mostly he just looks forward to me being out for Christmas so we can have more personal time. He updates me on current events, but is careful on what he includes. When he visits me at Hogsmeade, we find that Severus always seems to find us. Not to mention, travel is being monitored. It is a bit of a relief when he decides that he doesn’t want to come to Hogsmeade anymore. 

One afternoon, all the prefects meet to discuss Halloween decorations. We meet at a picnic table beside the lake underneath a large tree. I’m surprised when Remus sits beside me. Lily Evans sits beside him. Ronan sits on the other side of me. I notice that despite not being a prefect, Severus sits close by keeping a watchful eye on me. After we all agree that we should stick with the usual jack o’lanterns and such we try to come up with fun activities to promote house socialization. 

“What if we organize an event for the first years to carve the lanterns?” I suggest. “It would give them a chance to socialize and feel like they're involved in the school.” 

Everyone agrees this is a good idea, especially since they can’t go to Hogsmeade. It would give them something to do one weekend. We are all finishing up the details when Lily shyly raises her hand. We all give her our attention. 

“I think it would be nice to have a dance on Halloween,” she says. “Maybe a masquerade or something like that?” 

Lori Deaux, one of the Hufflepuff prefect’s face lights up, “That would be so much fun!” 

“That all sounds fine. Perhaps you girls could plan it,” Ronan says. 

Lily raises an eyebrow, “Why does it have to be just the girls? You guys should at least help us decorate.” 

“Why don’t we take it up with Diggory and Abbott later on? They’ll have to approve it anyway” Ronan suggests, referring to headboy Amos Diggory and headgirl Amelia Abbott. 

Usually they would be at the meeting, but they had to meet with the head of houses to talk more about security. Remus was diligently taking notes on everything to brief them later. With that in mind, Remus clears his throat. 

“Since we still have to get everything approved, there’s no point in fighting about it,” Remus mediates. 

Lori, Lily, and Ronan all take calming breaths and agree to let it go for now. With no more business to discuss the meeting breaks up. While Remus gathers his notes, I make my way to Severus’ hiding place behind a tree. He manages to scurry off before I can confront him. Remus catches up to me before I can catch Severus again. 

“Hey, Rosalind, can I talk to you for a moment?” he asks as we walk back towards the castle.

“Of course.” We both stop just outside the courtyard. He leans against the old brick wall. I can see the deep thoughts swimming in his eyes. I nudge him softly, “What is it Remus?” 

“What the deal with Stevie and Severus? Does she like him or something?” 

“Well, I guess they do kind of like each other. I mean nothing has happened, but there’s definitely some lingering feelings,” I explain. “But perhaps the main reason is because Severus is  _ there.  _ He’s not afraid of trying.” 

Remus sighs, “I’m just scared of what could happen. I would never hurt Stevie or anybody for that matter on purpose.” 

“I know that,” I assure him. 

He crosses his arms over his chest, “It’s just that in those moments, I’m not in control. I am an animal. It is different from what Sirius and James do because they’re in control. I’m not.” 

I reach out to squeeze his arm in a comforting manner, “If you guys really like or even love each other it could be worked out.” 

Remus shrugs, “I can’t ask someone to take that kind of risk for me. I know Stevie would be willing, but it just feels so selfish.” 

“Everyone deserves love, Remus. Even you.” 

“Lindy-” 

“No, there’s no arguing on that point,” I smile. “You deserve love too.” 

“Speaking of love and such,” Remus leans forward with a smirk. “How long are we going to pretend you’re not seeing Lucius Malfoy just because it makes your parents happy?” 

“I’m not only seeing him for those reasons,” I insist. “He’s also handsome and charming.” 

“Stevie says you were trying to claim he was also funny for a moment there.” 

I laugh, “Well, I did give up on funny. He is handsome, and charming though.” 

Remus sighs, “You could at least accept Sirius’ apology. He gave you that note a month ago, and you haven’t even acknowledged it. He was sincere.” 

I look down at my feet, trying to hide the shame I feel. Remus has always had a way of seeing through my bullshit. It’s both nice and a pain. Everyone else was so easy to hide from, but it’s impossible to keep a secret from the boy who keeps the  _ biggest secret _ . 

“I’m just having a lot of weird feelings right now,” I confess. “I’m not even really mad at him anymore. It’s just hard to know what to do.” 

“I know. Just at least patch things up, please. I am so sick of hearing him whine about you still not talking to him. He keeps me up at night just going on and on about it.” 

“Merlin’s beard!” I groan. “He’s so dramatic!” 

“You say that as if it’s not one of your similarities,” Remus points out. 

I let out a mocking laugh before I continued walking to the castle. Remus follows me dutifully. Through my peripheral vision I spot Severus peering around a corner. I excuse myself from Remus and make my way over to Severus. This time he doesn’t try to run away. Instead he steps out from around the corner to meet me. 

“Could I ask what the hell you think you’re doing?” I ask him. 

I can see Severus flinch a bit, “Nothing.” 

“Oh so you always happen to be in the same places that I am, just a little more hidden?” 

Severus sighs, “Listen, don’t be mad.” 

“I make no promises.” 

“Lucius wanted me to keep an eye on you, make sure you’re doing okay.” 

“You’re spying on me? For Lucius?” 

“No, no. It’s not like that. He just wants to make sure you’re safe!” 

“Well, you can tell him I’m safe and happy and he can fuck off,” I say calmly before turning on my heels to walk away. Severus continues to follow me. 

“I can’t tell him that, Lindy! You’re not supposed to know.” 

“Then you need to get better at this,” I spit. 

He sighs, “I lied, okay? Lucius didn’t ask me to do it.” 

I stop dead in my tracks, “Then who did?” 

“Nobody, I was doing it on my own accord. Lucius is my friend, and I know that you had feelings for Sirius for whatever reason. I wanted to make sure you weren’t cheating on him or something.” 

“That’s even more pathetic,” I put a hand on my hip. “Lucius is a big boy, Snape. He doesn’t need you to protect him. Not to mention he is not my boyfriend! So, you fuck off.” 

I leave Severus standing by himself in the courtyard. 

At dinner I decide to take a chance, and sit beside Sirius at dinner. Everyone looks at me curiously except for Remus and Stevie who both have satisfied smiles. I can see Severus sitting at the other table watching, and I am sure I will get a letter about this from Lucius. I just can’t find it in me to care anymore. Everyone naturally falls into their own conversations. James and Lily whisper to one another. Remus and Stevie talk among themselves. It all felt easy and natural, like coming home. 

Sirius leans close to me with a small smile on his face, “How are you?” 

“Much better now,” I admit. 

“Should we talk about it?” 

I smile, “Maybe later.” 

He brushes his fingertips along the top of my hand before reaching for his drink. Stevie sees this and shoots me a knowing look. I just shrug in response. 

“Could I interest Miss Prefect in a late night rendezvous?” he asks after everyone starts returning to their respective houses. I raise an eyebrow at him, and he smiles innocently. “Just to talk things out.” 

“Fine,” I agree. “I’ll meet you in the tunnels.” 

“The usual meeting spot?” 

“Of course.” 

We go our separate ways for now. I return to the dungeons where I find Stevie sitting at one of the tables in the common room. Severus sits across from her, and when I come in he abruptly stops speaking. Dex sits on top of the table trying to distract Stevie. I approach the table, receiving an odd mix of reactions. Dex chirps happily and rubs against my hand. Severus leans back and crosses his arms. Stevie looks down shyly. 

“So, did you tell my friend you were following me?” I ask him. 

“I told her the truth,” he growls. 

“Which is what? That I don’t belong to anyone, and therefore am allowed to be friends with whoever I want? Or even more than friends if I want?” 

“I told her you can’t be trusted.” 

Stevie stands up, “No, let’s not do this.” 

She grabs my wrist and pulls me to the dormitories. She plops down on her bed with a heavy sigh.

“Lindy, what’s going on?” She sighs, “Severus saw you talking to Remus today and he said you’ve been hiding Lucius’ letters instead of talking to me about it.” 

“Stevie, I’m just trying to be happy. I’m so sick of feeling like I have to make a choice.”

“So you’re dipping into the whole pool? Remus, Sirius, and Lucius all in one day!” 

I feel my breath catch in my throat, “Remus?” 

“Yeah, Sev said you guys were talking for a really long time.” 

“We did, because he’s one of my best friends. You wanna know what we talked about?” 

She shrugs. 

“You, Stevie. We talked about you.” 

Her face softens, “Really?” 

“Of course,” I sit down and drape my arm around her. “Stevie, I wouldn’t do that to you. You’re like my sister. I love you so much.” 

She sighs, “It’s just so hard to know you these days. Everything changes so quickly.” 

“I know. I’m sorry,” I lean my head against her shoulder. “My mind is just going wild lately. 

“So what did Remus say about me?” she presses on. 

“Oh, you know, that he likes you but he’s scared. He’s jealous of Snivellous.” 

“Good,” she chuckles. “Maybe he’ll finally make a move.” 

“I hope so,” I laugh as well. “I’m pushing for you.” 

She leans forward, resting her elbows on her thighs. She looks down at her feet, “Why haven’t you been talking to me about Lucius? I know you say things aren’t serious, but Sev says it is.” 

“I don’t know. I just figured you wouldn’t want to hear about it anymore,” I shrug. “Besides, if by serious he means Lucius can’t wait for Christmas break so he can try to get in my pants then perhaps we know why Sev is so lonely.” 

We both laugh, but then Stevie gets more serious. She lays down on the bed with a thoughtful look. 

“Can I ask you a personal question?” 

“Of course,” I pull my legs onto the bed so I can sit cross-legged. 

“Would you rather lose your virginity to Lucius or Sirius?” 

I feel my cheeks flush, “I don’t know Stevie!” 

“Oh come on, don’t tell me you haven’t thought about it.”

“Okay, fine. I haven’t decided. I mean Sirius could take it sooner, but Lucius is probably more experienced. They called him a sex god when he was still here.” 

“Sirius is a whore too though,” Stevie points out. 

“That’s true,” I pick at the hem of her bedsheets. Stevie nevers makes her bed. “What about you? Remus or Severus?” 

“I mean used to it was Remus, no doubt. But Sev has become an option.” 

A knock on the door interrupts us, and Delilah Greengrass walks in. She clears her throat. 

“I’m sorry guys, but Professor Dumbledore wants to speak with Rosalind.” 

My heart drops as I realize it’s almost time for me to meet Sirius. Stevie thanks Delilah, who walks out of the room shyly. Stevie gives me a sympathetic look. 

“What could he want from you now?” she asks. 

I stand up from the bed and straighten out my robes, “I don’t know. If I’m not back in an hour I need you to somehow find a way to let Sirius know I can’t make it.” She seems a little uncertain, biting down on her lip as she seems to sink deep in thought. “You can use it as an excuse to see Remus, he’s a prefect so he can keep you from trouble.” 

She nods, “I’ll do my best.” 

I thank her profusely before leaving the dungeons to make the walk across the castle to Dumbledore’s office. Along the way I’m trying to imagine what he could possibly want from me now. The last conversation was so odd, and I left with so many questions. Once at his office, I whisper the password so the great stone phoenix reveals the stairs. I walk up the stairs to his office. My eyes still struggle to take in all the objects spread all around his office. Professor Dumbledore stands over a large bowl. Something inside glows. Before I have time to take anymore details in he waves his hand, and the bowl is covered. He turns to me with a small smile. 

“Good evening, Miss Cygnus.” 

I sigh, “Good evening.” 

“Would you like a cup of tea?” he asks. 

“No thank you, sir.” 

“Please, have a seat,” he indicates to two large comfortable looking chairs sitting in front of the fireplace.

I take a seat in the one closest to the door. He sits in the other. For a moment he just watches me as though reading my thoughts. He leans back comfortably. 

“Lucius Malfoy visited you in Hogsmeade,” he states. 

“Yes sir.” 

“He writes you letters. It seems the boy is quite smitten with you.” 

“I suppose so,” I look down at my feet. 

“You would be quite a prize to be plucked by someone of his particular alignments shared also by your parents.”

“I shouldn’t say anything,” I whisper. 

“Of course not,” he agrees. “All I am saying is that if you were to engage with this social circle taking such an interest in you and your family, it would put you next to some rather suspect people.”

“My parents keep me safe,” I insist. 

Dumbledore smiles, “Rosalind, please let's speak openly. Your father is suspected to be a Death Eater. Rumor has it your brother may soon follow that same path.” 

“Sir, I assure you I have no interest in becoming one. This conflict scares me to death and I’m not a fan of all the cruelty I see.” 

“That’s very good to hear,” he leans forward. “I had thought as such, but of course I needed confirmation.” 

“Professor, what is all this about?” 

“I simply ask that if you continue down this path, and you perhaps stumble upon some information you could pass it along to me.” 

“Sir,” I gasp. “Are you asking me to be a spy?” 

“I am simply asking you to continue your current path,” he smiles. “You’ve already won the heart of Lucius Malfoy. You could very easily learn things without even trying.” 

“What if they find out? What if  _ he  _ finds out?” 

Dumbledore leans back with a thoughtful look in his eyes. He’s silent for a few moments. My heart pounds in my chest, and I feel my palms growing sweaty. My mind is in a whirlwind of thoughts. Part of me is a bit invigorated by what he is asking of me, but another side of me is scared. The repercussions it could have if I was caught would be extreme. Yet, everything felt so clear now. A way for me to walk the line while still working towards a goal. 

“What about my friends? I can’t be friends with them anymore if I’m going to infiltrate-” 

“I don’t think we’re talking about infiltration,” Dumbledore laughs. “For now, let’s just continue with what you’re doing. Lucius is an opening.” 

“But I could infiltrate,” I insist.

“As I said, Rosalind, there’s no reason for that. Yet. One very important thing is for you to learn Occlumency. If you could spare an hour each Tuesday and Thursday I could teach you.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“That is all,” he stands up to walk me to the door, “Enjoy your evening.” 

Before walking out the door I turn to Dumbledore, “I have one more question.” 

“Of course.” 

“It may seem silly, but we are planning to have a dance on Halloween. And I wanted to ask Sirius Black to go. Is that going to be okay?” 

“I would implore you to refrain from anything which would make Lucius cut ties with you,” he answers. 

“And that means not keeping unsavory friends,” I whisper. 

Dumbledore sighs, “I suppose so.” 

“And if I decide not to do this?” 

“Then, I suppose I would lose a potential link to important information.” 

I nod thoughtfully before exiting his office. With a heavy heart I make my way back to the dungeon. Stevie is not in the dorm when I make my way there. I’m relieved because this means she’s reached out to Sirius for me. I’m glad to see that Ronan has made sure everyone else is in bed, and is taking care of monitoring the halls.

I strip out of my robes and pull on my pajamas. I curl up on my bed with Dex beside me. She kneads against my stomach while I stroke her soft gray coat. It seems like I have no real choice. Choosing between helping the effort against Voldemort and getting to be (at least) friends with Sirius should be a no brainer. Like saving a life or not saving a life. Except in this case it could be the entire wizarding world. Never have I realized so clearly that in this large world, I am just a kid.


	7. Chapter 7

An hour goes by and I’m getting a little nervous. I’d hate to have to tell Sirius that Lindy won’t be showing up to meet him after they just basically made up. This was starting to eat me up inside, but I knew I had to do the right thing.

It’s somewhat late, so I figure I’d try to sneak out of the dungeons and somehow make my way to Sirius. Knowing him, he’s probably in the kitchens trying to snag a snack for him and Lindy.

I’m walking through the hallways as quiet as I can be, when I hear slight footsteps behind me. My breath hitches in my throat, and I’m suddenly afraid to be caught outside the common room at this hour.

The footsteps get quieter as they move away from me, and I sigh in relief. Some omniscient being is looking out for me it would seem. The picture of the fruit bowl is in sight, and I hurriedly tickle the pear.

Finally, I’m in the kitchens and the house-elves don’t seem to mind that I’m here so late. As I suspected, I spot Sirius in the fridges. I laugh to myself because he’s so predictable sometimes.

“What do you think you’re doing, Sirius?” I ask him, and he looks at me like a deer caught in headlights.

“Oh good, it’s only you,” he sets down the snacks he has on a nearby table, “what are  _ you _ doing here?”

“Well, I’ve got the unfortunate task to let you know that Lindy has been called to duty, and she won’t be able to meet you tonight.” I can see the disappointment in his face. He quickly tries to mask it with a smirk.

“Oh yeah, and why’s that?” I can see through his smirk, and his voice is wavering a bit.

“It’s not because she didn’t want to meet up with you,” I place my hand on his shoulder, “Dumbledore wanted to talk to her for some reason. Plus, she’ll have to go on her prefect duties soon after.”

Sirius tries to look at me with confidence and be cool about this twist of events, but I know he’s discouraged.

  
  


“Right, well thanks for telling me, Stevie.” He sits at the table and starts to dig into the snacks he picked out. At this point, I’m unsure if I should stay with him and talk to him, or if I should leave him be.

“You don’t have to stick around, you know.” It’s as if Sirius read my mind.

“You know Lindy wanted to be here,” I look back at him once more, “trust me.”

“Yeah, I know.” I wave to him one last time, and I leave the kitchens.

It feels like this weight is on my shoulders, and I feel really sad for Sirius. He was really hoping for this meeting for some time now. As much as he wouldn’t admit it, he feels very much differently about Lindy than the other girls he flirts with.

I’m crushed at this situation, but I make it a point to not think about it while I try to make my way back to the dungeons. Once again, I’m sneaking around and I feel so surreal in this suspense. It’s kind of fun to sneak around like this; like I’m young again and no one has any responsibilities.

“You should be in your dorm.” A soft voice from behind me says. 

I’ve been caught, and now, I no longer want to be in this situation. I’m mentally cursing myself for even bothering to do this, but I wanted to be a good friend to Lindy.

When I turn around to see who’s found me, I’m appeased to see that it’s only Remus. Thankfully, I know he won’t get me in trouble.

“What are you doing out so late, Stevie?” Remus asks me in a playful tone.

“I had to tell our poor friend Sirius that Lindy would not be able to meet him tonight,” I walk up to Remus and he’s grinning, “so don’t be surprised if he comes to bed sulking.”

“Oh, right, well about Lindy…” He’s trailing off like he’s trying to stall, but I’m not very sure what’s going to happen next.

It’s dark in the hallways, but the flicker of the flames from the candles on the walls are so nice right now. I’m such a sucker for good lighting. Remus’ good looks are being accentuated by this glowing light, and it shines in his eyes ever so handsomely. This sets the mood for a romantic encounter, even though I’m not sure what will happen.

“What about her?” I inquire in a defensive tone. I’m still a little jealous she got to have some alone time with him today. 

I know that Lindy is my best friend and wouldn’t hurt me in this way, but I’ve always been able to picture her and Remus becoming a couple. They both are invested in their studies and they both are prefects, so I’ve always worried that he would pick her over me. This has always made me apprehensive and tormented by the idea that one day I would lose Remus to my best friend.

“Lindy told me that you might have feelings for Sniv-- Uh, I mean Severus.” He sounds a little upset as well.

“Oh, that’s uh...well, I can’t lie, he does intrigue me.” I kind of want him to be jealous of Sev.

Talking about Severus like this in front of Remus should drive him up a wall, and I feel aroused by the idea that he would be jealous of all of this.

Remus approaches me, and all of a sudden I’ve got my back to the wall. This is unlike him, but I can’t complain...unless he’s going to threaten me with getting me into trouble because I’m out of my dorm so late. I know he probably wouldn’t do that, but there’s still a chance that Remus would want to follow the rules. He was such a model student.

“What does he have that I don’t?” Remus’ voice is gruff, and I can really tell that he’s envious. He’s angry, but not in a violent way.

I look up into his eyes, and I can feel his hot breath on my face. I haven’t been in a situation like this with Remus ever in my life. Is this his idea of finally making a move on me?

“It’s not that,” I start but I can tell he’s getting impatient, “I just never thought you were actually into me.” Remus seems surprised by this, and I can’t help but feel a little ashamed.

“You didn’t think I was into you?” Remus presses up against me, and I’m feeling light headed and hot. I feel a heat grow in my stomach as he leans in closer to me.

His eyes, which are usually light and friendly, are dark and full of lust. I can’t tell what’s going on inside his head, but a part of me likes how this is playing out. 

“Stevie, I’ve liked you for so long,” his lips are so close to mine, “I’ve been so scared to tell you because you know I don’t want to hurt you.”

He closes the gap between us, and his mouth claims mine in a fiery kiss. All I can think about is how soft yet rough his lips are. My hands tangle into his hair out of instinct, and the shy reserved Remus is gone out of the window. This Remus is daring and playful.

He bites my lower lip and I have to hold in a moan. What made him change all of a sudden? My mind is filled with thoughts of the conversation Lindy and I had an hour ago. I remember her saying something about trying to tell Remus to make a move.

“Remus,” I groan out loud, and he kisses me once again to keep me quiet. If we’re caught right now, I think he’d be more in trouble than I would be.

It’s not long before his hands are roaming my body, and my mind is racing. His fingers are calloused but it feels so good against my skin. My hips buck against his, and I hear him groan. 

His tongue finds its way into my mouth and I can taste chocolate in his sweet saliva. My mind is racing and my heart starts to beat wildly. We’re both breathless and consumed by wild lust. My knees are weak as he keeps pressing up against me

“Stevie...” Remus purrs softly, and I finally have him where I want him to be. His dark eyes glimpse over my lips, and he’s kissing me even more fervently than before. I can’t help but moan gently.

  
  


“Oh yeah Remus! Get some!” That’s when we hear Sirius call from the other side of the hallway. We break apart, and I’m so furious with Sirius right now. I could punch him right in the nuts and I wouldn’t even think twice.

Remus and I are both breathless, but we’re fairly satisfied. I don’t think either of us had ever been kissed in that way. I know for a fact that I’ve never made out with someone with such lustful intentions. 

“Sirius, go back to the Gryffindor Towers,” Remus is losing his temper, “NOW!”

Sirius stops in his tracks, but suddenly makes a beeline for his dorms. I couldn’t believe how sexy it was to hear Remus take charge of this situation. He’s never shown this side of himself to me.

Remus turns to me, and I can see he’s frustrated. He mutters something about Sirius being able to shag any girl he wants under his breath, but I pretend not to hear him. Was he really trying to get into my pants?

“So…” I start, “that was nice.” I straighten out my robes. Remus looks at me with dejection. My heart skips a beat when I notice how defeated he is.

“Just...just go to bed, Stevie.” I’m hurt by Remus’ tone, but there’s nothing I can do. I can’t even fight with him on this. He could so easily get me trouble for all of this.

There’s a look in his eyes like he just hurt me, but I definitely do not feel hurt whatsoever. He’s calculating the risks involved with kissing me, and it makes him angry to know that he can’t have a normal relationship. No matter what happens, he’s always going to worry about hurting me. Getting me in trouble would just make it so I would no longer be allowed to sneak out at night, and this would keep me away from him as much as possible.

I walk back to the dungeons, sweaty and feverish. I can’t believe that Remus would kiss me like that. My lips are tingling and I’m almost falling over. I just wanted that kiss to last forever. 

‘ _ Who would ever guess that gentle Remus was such a rough kisser? _ ’

Once I reach the dungeons, I find myself alone with my thoughts. My heart is racing, and I can’t keep myself calm. I make my way up to the dorm, and I just want to tell Lindy thank you a million times over. It was only because of her talking to Remus that he had found the courage to kiss me. Once I sit on my bed, I realize that she’s not sleeping like I thought she’d be.

“So, I was able to tell Sirius you weren’t going to make it,” there’s excitement in my voice, “and I ran into Remus.”

I can hear her move slightly in her bed, and she sits up to look at me. There’s sadness written all over her face, but I know it’ll take some time for her to spill her guts to me. Lindy may be my best friend, but she does often keep things from me because she’s afraid to implicate me in private matters of her life.

  
“Did Sirius take the news well? Is he angry with me? Will he still be my friend?” She spits out all these questions, and suddenly I’m aware of the severity of this situation.

“What? He’s fine. I mean, he did seem a little disappointed, but he’ll be okay. You know how Sirius is, just give him a few days.” Lindy seems a little relieved by this, but there’s still something in her eyes that tells me that something else happened tonight with her.

“So, you said you ran into Remus,” her tone changes to one of happiness, “anything exciting happen?”

“I don’t know what you told Remus, but he full on pushed me against the cold castle tile and kissed me so roughly, I thought I’d never recover.” She chuckles slightly when I tell her this.

“Good for Remus, I knew he’d finally have the balls to do something.”

As I’m lying down on the bed, I’m wondering what else could have happened to make Lindy feel so down.

“How was your meeting with Dumbledore?” I quiz her, and she lies down into her bed as well.

“It was...rather uneventful,” Lindy sounds like she’s not telling me everything, but I don’t want to press on. I’m sure whatever is going on and whatever happened at the meeting was probably somewhat private. I just hope she’ll feel better in the morning.

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, I am.” There’s something in Lindy’s voice that’s almost begging me to push this conversation further, but in the back of my mind I know it’s wrong to force my friend into telling me something she may not want to share in this moment.

I bid her goodnight after this short conversation, and I can’t help but to dream of Remus…

  
  


The next few days go by as usual, the only difference I can find is that Lindy has been a little more quiet at the table. She won’t say too much, but she still sits with the gang at every meal. It’s nice to have her around, but I feel like she has been hiding things from us. Ever since I found that note from Sirius, I have a hard time trusting her to tell me what’s been going on in her life. I know I shouldn’t pry, but it’s hard when she looks so sad and conflicted. 

Remus has returned to his shy and reserved state, but I can still see the slight smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. Whenever we look at each other, my heart races and I’m reminded of that night. He won’t say much to me, but I’m just thankful I was able to share that experience with him. Every now and then, our hands brush up and we’re both muttering apologies and blushing.

James and Sirius have been talking nonstop about Remus finally making a move, which makes Remus blush every time they mention it. I try not to bring it up in conversation, but I can’t stop longing for him to kiss me again.

One morning, I find myself awake and in the great hall before all my friends. I sit down at an unoccupied table and start studying for a few tests that are happening at the end of the week. This year the homework was unending and I felt like I couldn’t keep up.

It’s not long before I’m joined by Sev, who sits down across from me. I don’t look up at him because I’m trying my best to focus on this Transfigurations textbook.

“Stevie,” he sounds a bit worried, “are you avoiding me?” This causes me to look into his eyes.

“Uhm, no Sev. I’ve just been so busy with all this homework.” He seems to buy this excuse, but I can’t tell him that I’ve been fantasizing about Remus.

“Well, speaking of which, would you like to work on our potions project together this evening?” He smiles at me, and I can feel myself melt. I can’t believe how he can just smile at me and I’m just crushing on him all over again.

“Yeah, that would be nice.” I bite my lip anxiously. I really don’t want Remus to find out about this at all. I thought I had made up my mind about Severus, but it would seem my heart can’t decide.

“Meet me in the library around seven?” I agree to this, but I feel so guilty. 

He walks away and I spot him sitting with Avery and some girl from Slytherin. I’m not sure who she is, but I kind of feel a twinge of jealousy run through me.

‘ _ I really can’t decide what I want, can I? _ ’

Lindy and Lily sit down and join me at the table, and I can’t look at either one of them. I just feel so stupid and guilty. Would they think differently of me if I told them I still had feelings for Severus after everything that happened between me and Remus?

“What did Severus want?” Lily asks innocently.

“Severus? Nothing, he wanted nothing!” I blurt out, and I feel like a fool.

Lindy looks at me with a knowing look, and I just want to run away. But that would make me look even worse than I do now.

“So, you won’t care if I tell Remus about that?” Lindy toys with the idea of letting him know that Severus talked to me. She’s grinning like a fool, but I’m worried that she’s being serious.

“Don’t!” I say loudly. I’m so embarrassed. Lindy definitely knows something now.

“Okay, but if something weird is going on, I’ll find out.” She says as she grabs some breakfast.

“That’s rich coming from the same girl who’s been hiding secrets!” I’m furious with her. How could she do this to me?

This last comment stops her in her tracks, and I can see the gears turning in her mind. She’s trying to come up with something to say so she won’t have to tell me what’s been going on lately.

“Come off it, Stevie. I’m just teasing.” Lindy wraps an arm around me and pulls me in closer to her. I groan at her, and she just pokes her tongue out at me. Lindy can really be cruel sometimes.

“Teasing her about what?” James inquires as he sits next to Lily. He presses a soft kiss on her cheek, and she blushes.

“Nothing.” Lindy and I say in unison. I just hope he won’t keep asking. Sirius and Remus join the rest of us at the table, and no one really mentions the absence of Peter.

“Oh, you guys, we’re going to try and plan a dance for Halloween!” Lily pipes up, and this causes everyone to look up at her.

“What kind of dance?” Sirius inquires while he wiggles his eyebrows. Lindy punches his shoulder playfully.

“The rest of the prefects and I were thinking of maybe a masquerade, what do you guys think of that?” Lily continues, and James is already on top of asking her as his date.

This leaves me to wonder who I should even consider asking. I kind of think it’s stupid to have a dance, but I guess sociallizing wouldn’t hurt. Maybe I could even convince Lindy to help me pick out a dress, and we could have a little fun around here for once. Lindy is very good with fashion seeing as her mother owns designer clothings stores.

  
  


Lily and James go off into their own little world and Sirius tries to get Lindy’s attention. That leaves Remus and I not talking to anyone.

“So, have you started your astronomy chart?” Remus asks me, and I can tell he’s still a little shy about the kiss from a few nights ago.

“Oh yeah, I have. Why do you ask?” I turn towards him and brush my fingertips on his hand.

“I was wondering if you could look over mine to see if it’s correct,” he says with a small smile, “and maybe we could discuss some other things.”

I groan internally as I’m really hoping he won’t ask me to meet up tonight. It would be impossible for me to split my time between him and Sev. But I really do want to be alone with Remus once more.

“Ah, when would you like me to do this?” He stops to think about my question, and I’m really hoping he’ll say tomorrow night. I can’t think of a good enough excuse for this.

“Well, would tonight work? Or even this weekend wouldn’t hurt,” His eyes are full of wonder, and I’m just thinking about the alone time we could have. My mind starts to think about what day of the month it is, seeing as Remus would usually be avoiding me just before the full moon.

“This weekend would be great! Let’s say, Friday night in the library.” I tell him, feeling relieved that I dodged a bullet.

“Friday would be best seeing as...well, you know what’s coming up.” He’s a bit sad when he says this, and I can tell that he wishes he wasn’t afflicted with what he considers a curse.

“So, Remus and Stevie, huh? You guys going to make the beast with two backs?” Sirius jokes as he thrusts his hips towards us.

I roll my eyes, and Remus is beyond flustered. I get up to get ready to go to my first class of the day, and Remus follows suit. We’re walking towards the alchemy classroom, and Remus grasps my hand.

“Stevie, about the other night,” and he leans down to look at me, “I didn’t want to seem to forward.” Remus seems to be fighting a battle in his head that he might not be able to win. Maybe this has to do with being a werewolf and being forward is just in his nature when he’s getting close to his transformation.

“Oh, I didn’t mind at all.” I kiss him quickly, but he pulls me into him. I’m breathless once more as I become a slave to his lips. He’s so soft and he smells so good. Everything about this is so comforting.

Someone clears their throat, and it’s Professor McGonagall. She’s looking unimpressed with the both of us. I swallow some saliva as I prepare for what’s next.

“Mr. Lupin, Ms. Frost, you both should be old enough to know that this kind of behaviour is not tolerated in school. I would suggest you both go your separate ways.” She walks away but not before giving us one last look.

“I’m so sorry, I couldn’t help myself.” Remus is smirking now, but I’m worried that Severus saw us. I peek over at the table he was sitting at, and I see him glaring at Remus. I know Sev saw Remus and I, and he’ll probably be very moody about this later.

“That’s okay, Rem. I forgive you.” I walk off without looking back at him, and everything just feels awkward. I wish Lindy had alchemy class, but I guess I’ll just have to wait until potions to tell her about what’s going on.

In alchemy, I can hardly concentrate while the professor is telling us the importance of the law of equivalent exchange. My mind is racing about how I’m going to juggle my feelings of Remus and Sev. I do like both of them, and I certainly want both of them to kiss me...maybe even more.

In potions, I sit next to Lindy and I pray I have just enough time to tell her what’s going on before Sev gets to class. She’s taking out her cauldron, and I sit next to her.

“What’s with you today? You’ve been racing off and keeping secrets. Something’s up.” Lindy asks me, and I can’t keep anything from her now.

“Well, let’s just say that despite the fact that Remus kissed me, I still have feelings for Sev.”

She’s not surprised by this declaration at all, rather her face softens and she places her hand comfortingly on my shoulder.

“Stevie, things are definitely hard right now, but I think you just need time to sort your feelings out.” Lindy is so kind with me right now, and I feel like she said exactly what I needed to hear.

Severus joins us and he doesn’t bother to greet me. I know what he saw in the great hall earlier bothered him, so I didn't talk to him for the whole duration of the class.

We all sit in silence as Slughorn begins teaching us, and I really try my best to concentrate on the matter at hand. My mind flickers to thoughts of Remus holding me and pressing his lips to mine. It’s invading my every thought, and I feel my temperature start to rise slightly.

“You okay?” Lindy whispers to me, and I can see Sev watching us from the corner of my eye.

“Yeah, just fine.” My voice is wavering, but I try not to let Severus hear me.

Classes go by as normally as they would, and by the time dinner is over, I’m feeling very hesitant. Would Severus even still want to meet up for our potions project tonight or would he just bail on me? I wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t bother showing up.

Despite everything, I make my way to the library around seven o’clock. There’s a few students sitting at various tables, so I try to make my way further away from them. If Severus does show up and causes a scene, then we won’t be around too many people. I don’t want more rumours going around about me.

Not even five minutes later and someone walks in. I look up hesitantly, and I see that it is indeed Severus. My heart won’t calm down, and I feel like this won’t end well.

Once he spots me in the corner, he saunters over to me and takes a seat across from me. I smile at him sheepishly, but he does not return the smile.

“Have you brought all the textbooks we will be needing for this?” He pulls out a few textbooks of his own from his bag.

“Oh yes I have.” I do the same and we immediately begin working on our project. Everything is silent except for a few whispers from other students. I’m having a hard time focusing on the task at hand, but I still manage to keep my wits about me.

When he speaks up, I have no idea what he’s going to say. It’s driving me mad that I can tell he’s not happy with me.

“So,” he’s trying to find the right words, “have you been avoiding me because you’ve started seeing someone?” 

“What makes you say that?” I know he knows, but I’m hoping I can still play my cards right with Severus.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Stevie. I saw you kissing Remus.” He says matter-of-factly. Severus has an envious look on his face, and I know this meeting is not going to end well.

“Sev,” I start to explain myself but he won’t let me continue.

“Don’t. Even. Bother.” He growls through gritted teeth. He’s picking up his stuff to leave, and I’m trying to find the words to apologize to him.

“I thought we had something special, you and I. I thought for once someone saw me for who I truly am, but I guess I was mistaken.” Severus is no longer angry, but he is heartbroken.

I grab his wrist before he tries to take off, and he spins around to look at me. His beautiful black eyes are so hard to look into right now. They are truly haunting.

“Sev, I don’t know how I’m feeling,” I can hear his sigh, “but we do have something special. I do see you for who you truly are.”

“None of that matters anymore, Stevie. I know you love him.” He storms off without me being able to explain myself. 

Tears flow down my cheeks as I fight the urge to follow him. I just want to hug him close to me and reassure him that we did have something special and I did still like him.

I curse myself as I fall back into my chair. What am I going to do now? 


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosalind has a lesson with occlumency. Sirius finally gets the attention he's craved, but at a cost. Severus and Rosalind learn they have something in common.

“The task I have given you will be a lonely one. I have advised you to take on a new path, one you don’t agree with so that you can help us defeat the growing darkness,” Dumbledore’s voice is surprisingly soft as we stand in his office. As he speaks I can tell he’s considering every word carefully. I try to focus on each word just as carefully as he speaks them. “While you may come to even feel real connections to these people, you have to understand they are just as radically dedicated to Voldemort and his cause. They will absolutely do everything they can to test your loyalty.” 

“By reading my thoughts?” I ask, despite knowing the answer. 

“Precisely,” Dumbledore stops in front of his desk, “So you will need to learn how to stop them. I am going to teach you a very difficult skill, which very few have mastered. It will take more willpower than you thought yourself to have. I am asking a great deal of you, Rosalind.” 

“I understand, professor.” 

“As I’ve stated before, you seem rather adept at managing your personal feelings. Here at Hogwarts you are an excellent student and a loyal friend. At home you are every bit the pureblood socialite your parents want. This is a skill required for Occlumency. The more contained you are, the easier it is to hide particular thoughts or even show a potential attacker only what you want them to see.”

Dumbledore turns back to face me completely now. I’m afraid of failing, although I know Dumbledore will be patient with me. 

“I am going to need you to clear your mind,” he instructs me. “You need to let go of your emotions. You need to be able to deny your innermost feelings. Can you do that?” 

“Yes,” I am confident I can. “I can do it.” 

“I am going to try to get inside your head, and you have to try and stop me.” 

I try to push everything out of my mind like wiping a slate clean. I could feel a tug at the corner of my mind. A pressure as though someone is trying to crack my brain open and sift through the contents. I feel like I’m doing a good job of keeping him out until suddenly, I realize the potentially embarrassing things he could see. With this distraction now heavily impacting my focus, Dumbledore breaks through. The contents of every letter Lucius ever sent me spills from my mind. Then I feel the pressure recede. 

“You lost focus,” Dumbledore comments. “You were so worried about what I could find that you inadvertently showed me things I wasn’t even looking for.” 

I let out a frustrated sigh, “I know.” 

“Even if all you do is compartmentalise things you don’t want seen and protect those things, it’s better than letting go of everything.” 

“Let us try this approach,” he leans against his desk. “You take a moment to compartmentalize your thoughts. Anything private or imperative, file that away to be kept secret. Focus on protecting that. File it away as thought hiding them from Voldemort or even your parents.” 

I do as he says. I mentally organize my life while he strolls around his office, humming a delightful little tune. My feelings for Sirius along with my more intimate moments with him get locked away. All memories involving Remus or James do so as well. When I feel that tug on my mind, instead of focusing on keeping it out I focus on the first trip I took to Hogsmeade this year. Lucius and I met at the Three Broomsticks, and he tried to kiss me before I left but Horace Slughorn had interrupted us. I focus on projecting that memory. 

This time, I feel the tugging grow more faint before becoming stronger again. All the “unsafe” memories get pull even further into the darkest corners of my mind. I feel myself steadying. I squeeze my eyes shut as Dumbledore pushes further. He sifts through the memory of my mother measuring me for my first custom gown she made me so we could attend Bellatrix Black’s wedding to Rodolphus Lestrange. I push him further away as he begins to pry into how I had danced with Sirius at the wedding despite it not being a particularly joyous event. Dumbledore recedes from my mind, and when I open my eyes he looks rather proud.

“You just projected something to me,” he explains. “You controlled what I could see. That’s very good. It will be useful as Voldemort may grow suspicious if he can’t see anything at all.” 

I’m relieved when he decides to end the lesson for today. My head aches as I make my way to the Slytherin dungeons. I stop to instruct a few first years to be in their dorms before curfew before going to the common room. It’s surprisingly full for a Thursday evening. A few first year girls sit around the windows watching creatures swim in the lake. Ronan, Severus, and Avery sit at a table in the corner. Ronan and Severus appear to be studying. Avery is simply a lump, waiting for some poor kid to do something he can make fun of. 

I go upstairs to my dorm, and fall on my bed. My brain swims with all the things I need to focus on right now. Homework has piled up throughout the term. Lily and I were placed in charge of organizing the dance. I still have my prefect duties to attend to. And now I have an occlumency lesson twice a week. It seems I may disappear under piles of school obligations before I ever truly become the double agent Dumbledore intends me to be. 

I roll onto my side, and feel the urge to nap tug at my eyelids. I close my eyes. I’m almost asleep when I hear someone else enter the room. Delilah Greengrass goes to change out of her uniform, and I’m relieved to find she’s not interested in talking. I sit up on the bed and stretch. I try to empty my mind as I go out to the hall to begin my patrols. 

The next morning, Stevie is the one to go sit by herself at breakfast. She doesn’t eat, but instead she just picks at her eggs. I sit down beside her and nudge her so she looks at me. Her eyes look tired like she’s been crying. 

“What’s wrong?” I ask her quietly.

“Nothing,” she says. 

I laugh, “Sitting alone at breakfast is like my signature move. You think I won’t notice when someone else uses it?” 

Stevie lets out a groan, “It just stupid Severus saw me and Remus kiss at breakfast and he’s hurt. And I shouldn’t care because Remus is the guy I’ve liked for ages and he’s finally within reach, but I do care.” 

“Okay, let’s take a little breath,” I advise her. “Maybe this thing with Severus is just a little crush. I mean he has filled out rather nicely this year, and he’s finally learned to wash his hair. You’re not the only girl to take notice of him this year.” 

She buries her face in her palms, “This is so stupid. And now I’m worried about the stupid dance as well.” 

“Hey, hey, don’t bring my dance into it! That’s a very important social event,” I joke. 

She does raise her head up to laugh, and I feel better at having helped raise her spirits even if it’s just a little bit. The bell rings, and we separate so we can go to our respective classes. 

On my way to Transfiguration, Sirius stops me in the hall. He has this hopeful little puppy look on his face that makes it hard for me to reject him even though I hate to be late. 

“Skip class with me,” he suggests with a little smirk. 

“Sirius, I have never skipped class and I do not intend to start now.” 

He pokes his bottom lip out, “I’ll turn into a dog and let you rub my belly.” 

I roll my eyes, “Ah yes, that’s how you convince me. I’m not interested in getting fleas.” 

As students push past us, Sirius takes my wrist and pulls me towards a corner so we’re more secluded. 

“Come on, Lindy. You’ve already stood me up once,” he pushes his face close to mine, “It’ll be fun. I’ll be on my best behavior.” 

Those eyes staring so sincerely, and his warm hands enveloping mine are almost too hard to resist. I take in that distinctive earthy smell, trying not to allow myself to consider when this could happen again. 

“Sirius,” I groan. “I really shouldn’t.” 

Severus’ habit of watching me pops back into my mind, and I definitely have Transfigurations with him. He’ll notice if I’m gone, and then I’ll never be able to get out of the shit he’s liable to start. Sirius cups my chin, and tilts my face up to his. 

“Please,” he presses a kiss to my cheek. “I’ll be on my best behavior.” 

“You’ve already said that,” I smirk. “I didn’t believe it the first time.” 

He presses his lips to mine, surprisingly tender. He doesn’t hold it very long, just enough for me to want more. 

“I’ve got to go, Sirius. I’ll see you in Herbology.” 

He groans, “You’re going to be the death of me.” 

“Yeah, I can say the same about you.” 

He reluctantly releases me from his grasp. As I walk down the hallway I turn to get one last look at him before I disappear around the corner. My heart drops as the reality of my situation settles into the pit of my stomach. I’ve wanted Sirius since we were in third year, and now I’m committed to helping Dumbledore. I’m going to eventually have to break my best friend’s heart. All of their hearts. With this in mind I turn to catch up with him. I find him in the courtyard, no doubt trying to find more trouble. 

“Hey Sirius,” I beckon him. 

He turns around with the sweetest smile on his face, “I knew you couldn’t resist me.” 

My heart pounds as I come close enough for him to reach out and grab my waist. He pulls me flush against him, and presses another kiss to my lips. His hands tug at my hair softly. I pull away and take in a deep breath. 

“Come on,” he takes my hand and we run down to the lake towards the edge of the forest. 

Sirius plops down on the grass. The sun shines on his hair, and he wears the brightest smile. He reaches up to take my hand, and pulls me down beside him. 

“So, what should we do with the next hour?” he asks, his fingers trail along the small sliver of skin along my neck between my scarf and sweater. 

“Probably not what you’re thinking,” I tease him. 

“Fine,” he sighs. “I suppose you want to talk.” 

“You say that like you’re surprised.” 

He brings my hand up to his lips and presses a kiss to the top of my hand. I wonder if he knows the effect he has. Everytime he touches me, I feel a jolt of electricity. I could easily get lost in this. He moves to press another kiss on my wrist before his fingers begin tracing along the blue veins. 

“I’m not surprised,” he says. “You’ve always been rather wordy.” 

“I tarnish my good record just so you can tease me.”

He reaches over to grasp the back of my neck, and pulls me to lean against him. Our lips crash together. He holds me tight against him as he lays down, effectively pulling me to straddle him. Our lips never seperate. His tongue slides against my bottom lip begging for entrance. I part my lips and let out a soft moan. His hips buck against me, earning moans from us both. Lust pools in my stomach. Sirius was my dream for so long, and now we’re here. His hands are pushing my skirt up so he can feel the warmth of my thighs. His fingers move closer to my core. 

“HEY! You two get up here immediately!” 

We quickly separate, my heart pounds as I pull my skirt back down. 

“Fuck,” Sirius mutters as he tries to compose himself. His cheeks turn red as he stands up and shuffles to cover the bulge in his pants. 

I look up to the top of the hill to see that it’s Professor Dumbledore himself. I feel my cheeks burn hot as we both begin to shuffle up the hill towards him. 

“I can’t believe we got caught by fucking Dumbledore of all people,” Sirius whispers. 

I feel that odd tug in my mind, and despite the embarrassment coursing through me I still manage to block it out. Dumbledore watches me with narrowed eyes as though he’s attempting to see right through me. I’m keeping him out of my head. We come to where he stands.” 

“Sirius Black, you are to report to class immediately,” he says without looking at Sirius. 

“Sir, Rosalind only skipped because I talked her into it. She doesn’t deserve to get in trouble,” Sirius says. I’m surprised by the gesture, no matter how futile it is. “It would crush her for this to go on her record.” 

“That’s very noble of you, Sirius. I assure you, nobody’s records will be tarnished today. Now, go to class.”

Sirius gives me an apologetic look before scurrying away. Dumbledore turns to me with a disappointed look. 

“I give you an important task,” he raises his voice. “And this is what you do? What if someone else had caught you? Someone more prone to starting rumors than myself?”

“I’m sorry, Professor.” 

“If you think you can’t handle this, Rosalind, you need to tell me now,” he gives me that same inquisitive look. I can feel the tugging at my mind, I push it out. “I think you need to understand that you need to separate yourself from your friends to keep them and yourself safe,” he explains. 

“I don’t want to hurt them,” I confess.

He stands up straight, “I understand.” 

He begins walking down the hill, and I follow him. There’s an odd feeling lurking in my chest. 

“Rosalind, you can back out if you need to. If you’re not prepared.” 

If I claim to not consider it, I would be a liar. Because I definitely think about it as we walk quietly by the lake. I would love to be the girl who defies everyone’s expectations and outwardly voices how much I hate all this blood purity craze. I could be with Sirius and finish out my career at Hogwarts with my friends. But by doing that I’m losing my family, who I love and loves me even despite their hateful beliefs. Or even putting them in danger if they continued to love me anyway, thus labelling themselves as blood traitors. Despite what everyone seems to believe, I don’t desire to simply sit aside and hope this all passes. I want to do something. Dumbledore has offered me a chance to do something while playing to my strengths: subtlety and secret keeping. 

“I want to do this,” I insist. “It’s important to me to do this. You just have to promise me that if I die or something you will tell my friends what I did.” 

“I promise,” he sighs. “You may not see it, but I chose you for a reason. It wasn’t just your ties with Lucius. I see all the traits of Slytherin in you. Cunning, intelligence, ambition. However, I also see loyalty and bravery. You very nearly cause a hatstall because the Sorting Hat couldn’t decide where to put you. I believe in you, Rosalind.” 

“I know, sir. Thank you.” 

“This is going to be difficult and lonely. However, I promise in time your friends will understand. The people you love will understand,” he promises. “Now, go to class.” 

“Yes sir,” I start down the hill towards the greenhouse for herbology.

“Oh, one more thing,” Dumbledore says. I turn around to look at him. “Good job keeping me out of your mind.” 

He turns to walk back to the castle, and I continue to go to class. Sirius doesn’t look at me as I walk into the greenhouse for Herbology. He stands between Lily and Stevie. Severus stands at the other end of the table scribbling down notes. 

Sirius’ cheeks turn red as I walk past him to stand beside Stevie. I feel my own cheeks turn hot as well. Stevie sees both of us blushing, and she narrows her eyes. 

“What happened to you two?” she asks. 

I sigh, “Nothing.” 

“Why do you grass all over your robes?” she asks again, as she brushes it off of me. 

“Drop it,” Sirius growls. 

“Oh geez, are you guys fighting again?” she presses on. 

Sirius gathers his things and moves to the other side of the greenhouse. I can’t help but laugh at how flustered he is. It makes me wonder how he would’ve acted if we had actually not been caught. 

“We’re not fighting,” I assure Stevie. 

“Can someone please tell me what is going on?” she begs. 

“You could be quiet and focus on your work,” Severus unexpectedly snaps. 

I groan at him having witnessed the exchange at all. Stevie rolls her eyes at him. 

“Sev, do us all a favor and bugger off,” Stevie speaks up. 

Severus too gathers his things and goes to a different workstation. 

“You guys are just scaring all the boys off today,” Lily’s comments with a smirk. 

We manage to get through the rest of herbology with no more issues, but as we make our way to charms Stevie begins questioning me again about it. I know I’ll tell her, but I just wanted to make sure there were no prying ears. We’re the first to make it to charms, and we take seats next to each other towards the front of the class. There’s thankfully nobody in the room yet. 

“Do you remember the other night when we talked about who we would want to be our firsts?” I ask quietly. 

She leans close, “Yes?” 

“So, it was almost Sirius.” 

Her eyes widen, and for a moment her jaw drops. Then, she erupts into laughter. I let her laugh it out, and eventually she composes herself. 

“Please tell me what happened,” she says. “I’ve gotta hear this!” 

“We skipped class and-” 

“You skipped class?”

I roll my eyes, “That’s not the point.” 

“Yeah, but it should be! You’ve never skipped class.” 

“Damnit, Stevie,” I cross my arms. “Can I tell my story or not?” 

“So, we skipped class and went out by the lake. Things got pretty heated. Sirius is a really good kisser, and he’s extremely handsy. Like his hands were all over me. I just got lost in it,” I sigh reliving the moment. 

“Oh my god, you guys were gonna do it!” 

“Yeah, probably. Then we got caught,” I sigh. “By Dumbledore of all people.” 

Stevie laughs until I think she’s about to suffocate. Her face turns bright red, and her eyes begin to bulge a bit. 

“Of all people to catch you,” she shakes her head. “Dumbledore!” 

I roll my eyes and lean back in my chair, “Yeah, laugh it up. I’ll remember this the next time I’m on patrol duty and I catch you making out with Remus.” 

“You wouldn’t get me in trouble,” Stevie insists. 

“You don’t know that,” I tease. “I could easily send you to detention or make you write a paper about the importance of being in the common rooms by curfew.” 

“You’re all threats.”

Severus comes into the room, and sits two desks behind me. Stevie suddenly narrows her eyes, crosses her arms over her chest, and turns to face the opposite direction. I turn around to, and enjoy the moment of silence before class begins. I work on compartmentalising my thoughts just like Dumbledore taught me. I feel a weak tug on my mind. It’s not as strong as when Professor Dumbledore and I practice. I turn around to see Severus focusing on me intently. I push back, projecting a memory of James and Sirius picking fun at him when we were all younger. This only seems to cause him to push harder. I continue resisting, and then suddenly I see something in him. It’s quiet and dark in a dingy looking room. Two adults yell at each other while a small, thin child I identify as Severus sits in the corner watching. 

“Get out,” I hear someone yelling. 

Then everything goes black. I barely remember hitting the floor as I passed out. 


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stevie is called into an important meeting with Dumbledore, all the while the gang worries about Lindy and James Potter has many jokes that really show much of an lovable asshole that he is!

I was so worried when Lindy collapsed during charms class. I had no clue what happened, but when everyone gathered around her, I was afraid for the worst. She had been so stressed lately, I thought maybe she had had a panic attack. Those were fairly common to students who would take on too much work and responsibility.

Professor Flitwick is quick to get Madam Pomfrey to come get her. I’m relieved but I truly just want to follow them to the hospital wing. Professor Flitwick won’t allow me to leave class even if it means being by my best friend’s side. He may be small in stature, but his authority and respect for others make up for his lack in height. Not many students defy Flitwick as he is generally liked by all.

“I know you care for Ms. Cygnus,” he ushers me to my seat, “but she won’t hold it against you if you stay for your own education. I’d be upset with you if you did leave, seeing as today I’ll be teaching some very important things.”

I’m cursing Flitwick in my mind, but I do know that he’s right. Lindy wouldn’t hate me for staying in class seeing as she regards education as one of the most important things in her life.

Everyone starts to settle down, and Professor Flitwick begins the class. I’m absentmindedly doodling on my parchment, but I do listen to what he has to say. Professor Flitwick generally has a very fun and laid-back course, and he’s very animated and never leaves any of us bored. His passion for magic helps him be a rather different teacher from the others. The subject he’s teaching today is intriguing, but I am still thinking about poor Lindy.

What if she was poisoned at breakfast? What if Sirius had something to do with this?! I’ll kick his ass if he hurt her, I don’t care how much she likes him...but there is no logic to this. How could Sirius have made Lindy faint? From what I could gather, he hadn’t done anything to cause her to be knocked unconscious.

Once class is over I race to the great hall for lunch. I’m hoping someone has news about Lindy. I see the gang sitting at an empty table and I make my way over to them.

“Did you guys hear about Lindy? She collapsed right before charms class started!” I let them all know, and I can see the smile on Sirius’ face falter. Everyone is asking me all kinds of questions.

“What happened to her? Is she going to be okay?” Sirius is the most concerned for her, but everyone’s morale is pretty low.

“I don’t know, Sirius. We could go visit her right now,” and before I can even finish my sentence he’s dragging me off to the hospital wing.

When we see Lindy unconscious in her bed, we feel so bothered by this image. What could have caused this? Could it have been stress?

“She’s not quite out of the woods yet, but she’ll be fine in a few hours.” Madam Pomfrey explains to both Sirius and I.

“Do you know what happened?” I ask and Sirius looks at Lindy with tears in his eyes.

“It seems this young witch has been carrying on too much stress, but we’re not sure if there was anything else at play. Rest assured, she is in good hands,” Madam Pomfrey tells us with confidence.

Sirius breathes a sigh of relief and walks up to where Lindy is lying down. He takes her hand in his and he whispers a few words to her that I can’t really make out.

Outside the door to the hospital wing, I see Severus peering in and I’m blind with rage. I remember seeing the way he had been focusing his eyes on her in class and I have a feeling he had something to do with this.

I march over to where he’s standing and he gets this stupid nervous look on his face. He’s sputtering excuses and apologies. This makes him seem so guilty and pathetic, it’s like he’s a completely different person.

“Just what do you think you’re doing here?” I spit at him, and he’s trying to get away.

“DON’T MOVE!” I yell, and Madam Pomfrey comes rushing to us.

“Keep your voice down or I’ll have to kick you both out of here!” I ignore her warning and grab Severus by the wrist.

“Let go of me, Stevie!” We begin a heated shouting match and we find ourselves ushered out by a very impatient Madam Pomfrey. I was beyond annoyed with Severus right now.

“Good job, Sev! You got us kicked out!” I’m beyond angry. He narrows his eyes at me.

“Me?! That was all you! If only you could keep your big mouth shut, we wouldn’t be in this mess!” Severus hisses. I push him away from me and march down the hallway.

“I know you had something to do with this, Severus! I’ll find out what you did and make you pay!” I call out to him as I’m walking towards the great hall.

Lunch is almost over, and I feel like I got nothing accomplished. I’m hungry and pissed off. I sit next to James and Lily, and they seem concerned about me.

“What just happened?” Lily asks while putting her hand on mine. I cram some food in my mouth as I try my best to explain to her the situation.

“Thankfully Lindy’s okay, but good for you for telling off Snivellus.” James chuckles. Lily looks at him with disgust but maybe she’s grossed out by the way I’m talking with my mouth full.

“I really hope Lindy will pull through,” Lily says softly, “she means the world to all of us.”

I regain my composure as I think about Lindy lying in her hospital bed, all pale and unconscious. It pains me to know there’s nothing I can do to make her feel better. It makes me even more sad that Sirius feels like he’s responsible for this.

Lunch ends and we all get up and head to our respective classes. Unfortunately for me, it’s potions that I have with Severus. I really don’t want to have to face him, but I don’t really want to skip class either. 

When I finally get to class, Severus is nowhere to be seen so I sit down at the workstation. My mind fills with thoughts of how my best friend will be able to pull out from this. It’s a heavy thing on my conscience even though I know I don’t have anything to do with it.

“Ms. Frost?” A voice at the door calls to me. I turn around and I’m face to face with the Head Boy of this year, Amos Diggory.

“Yes?” I’m wondering why he’s asking for me.

“You’ve been requested by Dumbledore to meet in his office at once,” I get up and gather my things. Why do I think this has to do with Severus’ outburst in the hospital wing? Sure, maybe I should have kept my voice down but still…

I walk slowly behind Amos as he guides me towards Dumbledore’s office, and I can’t help but feel there’s detention in store for me. I hope it’s not with Professor McGonagall, she’s notorious for making students do very hard labour.

We reach Dumbledore’s office, and I suddenly can’t help but feel anxious that this won’t be good. Amos Diggory let’s me know the password to get in, and he bids me a good afternoon.

I whisper the password to the stone gargoyle, who leaps aside, and I’m climbing up the spiral staircase. This isn’t my first time in this office, but it has been a little while since I’ve been here. I can’t tell if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.

“Good afternoon, Ms. Frost,” Dumbledore booms without looking at me, “have a seat.” I walk over to the two seats in front of his desk. 

‘ _ Awh man, I’m in a lot of trouble! _ ’ I groan.

“I haven’t asked you here to discipline you,” he starts as he moves to sit across from me, “I’ve got a proposition for you.”

His desk is littered with all sorts of interesting objects, one of things being a long emerald glass looking stick. I have no idea what it is, but I figure it has some sort of use to Dumbledore.

“How has the first month of school been treating you? Have you been settling into your N.E.W.T level classes well?” This sort of conversation is odd for me, but I know he’s just trying to get to the meat of the matter in a slow, comfortable way.

“I think so, sir. It’s been kind of tough, but I think it’s going well enough.” I look into his eyes and see that he’s smiling at me.

“Sherbet lemon?” He offers from a small glass jar that’s adorned by silvery moons.

I take one, but I keep my eyes on him. What is this all about?

“Have you been to visit Ms. Cygnus in the hospital wing? I have the utmost confidence that Poppy will have her up and running around in no time.” His voice is soft and calm. Somehow, he’s soothing me quite a bit even though sometimes I think he’s a foolish old man.

“Yes sir, I have gone to see her. I hope she’ll feel better soon.” I say as he gets up and folds his hands together. He seems to be studying my emotions and I no longer feel soothed by him. Something has changed in the air, and things are about to get serious.

“Ms. Frost, it has come to my attention that your father has become very well acquainted with Voldemort.” Dumbledore says.

“Well, yes that’s true. At least, to my knowledge.” I’m unsure how this will play out, but I hope this won’t end up with me having detention regardless of him telling me he’s not going to discipline me.

“Yes, I see,” he takes a moment to ponder this information, “and how do you feel about this?”

I take this moment of silence to think about my father, who I hadn’t heard from since I stormed out of the family manor. I had an inkling that he was probably still furious with me and wasn’t about to welcome me back home any time now.

“Sir, I’m not really sure how to respond,” Dumbledore looks at me knowing I’m being truthful, “but I’ve never stood by my father in these affairs. He’s always been one to follow someone blindly.”

“Do you not trust your father? Would you not agree with your family’s values?” He’s quizzing me, but I’m not sure what for. It’s like he’s trying to get a proper reading out of me.

“I’ve never trusted him, and I don’t intend to follow my family’s barbaric and brutish behaviour. I find it to be quite archaic.” I only speak the truth because something tells me Dumbledore would know if I was to lie.

“And, do you feel like you’re responsible if your father gets out of hand and hurts someone?” Dumbledore inquires. I look over at him and he has a long piece of parchment in his hands.

“I don’t feel responsible for my father at all, but I would feel terrible if his actions would result in someone getting hurt,” I tell him and he seems pleased with this answer.

“Stephania, the reason why I called you into my office this afternoon is because I’m trying to find the most purehearted and brave wizards and witches to help me take down the dark forces in our world.” This is quite the surprise to me since I never really considered myself brave or purehearted.

“And you think that’s me?” I quiz and he smiles. He may be a little foolish sometimes, but behind that smile is an ancient knowing that I can never really tell if it’s something he’s picked up over the years or if he was just born with this knowing.

“Yes, I do. I also think many of your friends fit this bill as well,” he starts listing off many of the people I know and care about, “such as Remus Lupin, James Potter, Lily Evans, Sirius Black...I’m also hoping to recruit some other Hogwarts alumni from earlier years and some aurors.” It strikes me as odd that he never mentions Lindy, but I’m sure it’s just a slip of his tongue. I don’t think too deeply into it even if something seems very off.

“What do you hope to accomplish with some teenage wizards and a few aurors?” I’m not sure he’s thought this through, but I continue to listen to him anyway.

“I’m hoping, Ms. Frost,” he pauses for a moment, “to take down Voldemort once and for all. I hope to rid this world of the fear and sorrow he’s cursed us all with.”

This declaration makes me think about how different the world would be without Voldemort. How much people would feel so much happier and unafraid to do the things they want to do! Blood purity would no longer really be an important thing for most families, and people could reunite with their loved ones without being called blood traitors.

I think long and hard about my father and how maybe he would change too if Voldemort were out of the picture. If I could instill some light into my father’s heart, maybe things would be better for us as a family. This thought alone is what makes me really consider Dumbledore’s proposition.

“Whatever you’re planning, sir,” I say after a few moments, “I want in. I want to destroy that son of a---” Dumbledore is astonished before interrupting me.

“I hope I don’t need to remind you that you should watch your language with me, Ms. Frost,” his tone sounds serious but he’s grinning, “despite your almost outburst, I’m glad to know you’ll be joining our cause.” There’s a twinkle in his eyes and I can tell he is genuinely pleased with my answer to his proposition.

“One last thing, Stephania,” his tone changes once more to an urgent one, “I would rather you would keep this to yourself for the time being. I’ll be speaking to your friends in due time, but for now this is between us.”

I have no idea why he wants me to keep this a secret, but I know better than to defy his words. I agree to everything he says and he dismisses me for the day. By the time I leave his office, it’s almost time for defense against the dark arts class. I figure I should make an appearance so that nothing seems too weird. When I enter the classroom, all eyes are on me. I’m hoping no one can read it all over my face that I’ve decided to join up in some secret group.

I sit next to a few Slytherins and Hufflepuffs that I’m somewhat familiar with, and the professor begins the chapter on Dementors. I’m very intrigued by this subject, so I’m all ears for once. I try my best not to get too distracted by the fact that Dumbledore is recruiting people. It’s almost like we’re joining up to be in the army like the muggles do.

Class flies by so quickly, and I’m aggravated by the amount of homework Professor Smith has given us. Sometimes, these teachers can be so cruel. They think we can all spend many hours a night to finish these essays and assignments.

In the great hall, I find the gang sitting down at the table. They all seem to be in a better mood than this morning, but we’re all still on edge from what happened to Lindy.

“Is she going to be okay?” I ask Sirius as I know he was the last one with her.

“She hasn’t woken up, but Madam Pomfrey told me she’d be back to classes by tomorrow if all goes well.” His eyes are red and puffy, but no one makes fun of him. We all know how he feels about Lindy.

“I really hope she’ll be okay, we need her to pull through. Not just because she’s awesome, but we’ve got to plan that Halloween dance!” Lily pipes up, and James is snorting loudly to cover up the fact that he’s laughing.

“Ugh what is it James?” I don’t want to know, but I want him to shut up.

“Yeah, I think that you guys want her to get better so that you guys can return to your ‘Hot Girls Club’ meetings,” James nudges Sirius, who’s also trying to keep in his laughter.

“You guys are dumb,” I roll my eyes, but I can see that Remus is trying not to laugh either.

“Oh don’t be like them, Remus. There is no ‘Hot Girls Club’.” Lily says defensively, but the guys burst out laughing.

“Yeah, that’s exactly what the president of the club would say.” James responds.

Lily and I are disgusted by the way the guys are acting despite the fact that Lindy is still in the hospital wing. We grab our things and make our way to another table.

“Those guys can be such pigs,” Lily asserts, “sometimes I don’t know what I see in James Potter.” I laugh and agree with her.

“Yeah, they can be stupid, but they are cute at least!” We both share a laugh at this point, and I feel a lot better.

  
  


We eat in silence, and once dinner is over, I make my way to the dungeons while I bid Lily good night. I don’t even bother to tell the guys good night. I feel like they should be ashamed of the way they were acting.

Just before entering the common room, I hear two people talking in low voices in the corner. I try to conceal myself without them seeing me. It’s Severus and someone else. I can’t quite make out who it is, but I’m really captivated.

“I didn’t mean to! She’s the one who tried to get into my mind first!” Severus announces to someone, and they sound very impatient with him.

“Somehow I don’t believe this at all, Severus. You’ve hurt her! You should give me one good reason why I shouldn’t hurt you right now!” I can tell the voice is familiar but I still can’t pinpoint who it is.

“I’m sorry, you know I wouldn’t do this if it wasn’t for the fact that she started this fight!” Severus is pleading with whoever he’s talking to.

“Oh Severus, you stupid boy! Next time, you ignore whatever is going on and focus on the task at hand. You’re supposed to be making sure she’s doing well and not fraternizing with the enemy,”

At this point, I think I’ve heard enough. Someone was planning on spying on Lindy, and I had a feeling Severus was in on all of this. Deep down in my heart, I wanted to think that Severus was a good guy but this changed everything.

I went to bed confused and unhappy. My feelings with Severus were still present, but they were dwindling. I didn’t want it to be true that he had finally turned towards the evil forces. There was still some good in him.

  
  


I tossed and turned all night until the morning sun rose up in the sky. The next morning, Lindy was up and feeling much better and we had a visitor at school. The same person who was talking to Severus...


	10. Chapter 10

Waking up in the hospital wing is disorienting to say the least. Lucius Malfoy sitting next to my bed was even more so. When I turn my head, I notice a large bouquet of red roses on the bedside table. Lucius takes my hand, urging me to take it easy as I attempt to sit up. My head aches, a deep pressure has set in behind my eyes. 

It takes me a moment to remember what exactly happened, and as soon as it all hits me I decide to hex Severus the next time I see him. I can’t believe that slimy little worm would try to read my mind, or that he would even take the time to learn how. I can’t shake the feeling he does it to be a pervert. How many times has he just roamed into some unsuspecting girl’s most intimate thoughts? I close my eyes again. The memories I accidentally saw in Sev play behind my eyelids. I feel myself soften up a bit, but I’m still angry he was trying to read my thoughts. I wonder if I should warn Stevie. I realize this could cause even more problems, so I decide against it. Guilt sits in my chest, but I know it’s necessary to become accustomed to keeping things from my friends. Sooner or later I won’t even truly be able to keep them as friends. 

I feel Lucius trace his thumb across the top of my hand. I open my eyes again and turn to look at him. There’s genuine concern on his face as he raises my hand to his lips, Sirius making the same gesture plays in my mind. I push it away, back to its little compartment to be locked away. 

“Are you going to tell me what happened, darling?” he asks. “Madam Pomfrey says she thinks you’re taking on too much.” 

“I’m okay,” I smile. “I just had a little spell I guess.” 

“Maybe you should take some time out of school,” he suggests. “Your parents could pull you out and I can make sure you don’t fall behind-”    
“No,” I assert. “I’m not going to leave school.” 

He leans back in his seat, “It was only a suggestion.”

I lean forward, and push a stray strand of blond hair behind out of his face. He leans his face against my hand so I cup his cheek. 

“I’m sorry. I just don’t want to leave school. I’m not even really that stressed. I don’t really know what happened,” I lie. 

Lucius sighs, “There is something I must ask you.” 

“And what is that?” 

“Severus says you’ve been rather hostile with him,” he leans forward. “Does that have anything to do with this?” 

I smile, “No, of course not. Severus is just odd.” 

“He’s a brilliant wizard,” Lucius defends him. 

“He follows me, Lucius. It makes me so uncomfortable,” this isn’t at all a lie. I do however decide to tell a lie that I hope will buy me a little bit more privacy, “I think he likes me.” 

Lucius shakes his head, “Surely not, Lindy. Maybe he just feels the need to watch after you.” 

“If I didn’t know any better I would say you asked him to,” I smirk. “It just seems that he’s always there, and I’m very uncomfortable with it.” 

Lucius smiles, “If I did such a thing it would be for your own good.” 

“Ah, Rosalind, you’re awake,” Dumbledore’s voice echoes through the hospital wing. “It’s good to see you’ve decided to rejoin us in consciousness.”

Lucius stands up to greet Dumbledore, “Hello, professor.” 

“Hello, Lucius. I am surprised to see you here,” Dumbledore smiles knowingly. 

“Professor Slughorn said it would be alright as long as I don’t linger too long,” Lucius explains. 

“I see,” Dumbledore nods. 

Sirius’ face peers through the doors of the hospital wing. He’s almost completely through the doors, and I’m having to hide how glad I am to see him. James, Lily, Stevie, and Remus are behind him as well. 

They all pause when Lucius comes into their line of sight. I see Sirius’ face drop. Dumbledore turns to see them all as well. Lucius hears the commotion, and raises an eyebrow at me. 

Remus takes Sirius by the arm and attempts to drag him towards the door. Stevie and Lily watch with widened eyes as Lucius turns to look at them. Everyone seems to be leaving. My heart pounds as I watch Sirius shake out of Remus’ grip. He stomps towards my bed. James is urging him forwards. Stevie starts to go stop him, but Remus grabs her before shaking his head. I find myself frozen as I watch the scene. Lucius turns to say something to me. 

“Aye, Malfoy! Look at me you git,” Sirius shouts. Lucius turns around with his hand already reaching for his wand. 

“What do you want?” Lucius hisses. 

“I just want to know what the fuck you want with Rosalind,” he looks to me. “It’s all about money. That’s it, money and status.” 

“Mr. Black, I believe you should return to class,” Dumbledore suggests. 

“You’re filth,” Lucius growls at Sirius. “You’ve nothing to offer anyone. Much less someone as well established as Rosalind.” 

“Sirius, just come on please,” Stevie begs. 

“Yes, Sirius, go rejoin your ragtag squad of mudbloods and blood traitors.” 

Sirius swings before anyone has the chance to stop him. His fist lands square on Lucius’ jaw. James cheers, Remus tries to hide his smirk. Lily and Stevie both squeal, but seem delighted nonetheless. Dumbledore stands between them before anything else can happen. Lucius still reaches for his wand, and I stand up to grab his arm before he can make another move. 

“Please,” I beg him. “Just let it go. He’s just jealous.” 

The hurt look on Sirius’ face makes me want to fall to pieces. I feel stupid and selfish. I resent Dumbledore for putting me in this position, and I hate myself for wanting to do it so badly. 

“It’s good to see your true colors, finally,” Sirius spits at me before stomping off. 

“Mr. Lupin, as the Gryffindor prefect I expect you to escort all of these students to my office,” Dumbledore instructs them. Remus nods with a sad look in his eyes. 

Lucius turns to me, and to my surprise he wraps his arms around my waist. He takes in a deep breath before pulling away. 

“Lucius, I think it would be a good idea for Miss Cygnus to get ready to resume classes now,” Dumbledore explains. “I assure you this behavior is not tolerated at Hogwarts, and will be handled.”

“Of course,” Lucius sighs. “I will write to you.” 

He bids us both farewell, and I watch as he leaves. Dumbledore waits for him to walk out the door before turning to me. 

“What happened?” 

“You were here, you saw it.” 

Dumbledore shakes his head, “I mean yesterday when you passed out.” 

“Oh, of course. Well, Severus Snape happened. He’s a Legilimens,” I explain. “He was trying to get in my head, and he was pushing very hard. I had to focus very intently, and I somehow ended up in his head. I saw him as a small child in a nasty old house. I suppose his parents were fighting ”

“How were you able to see this? Did you want to read his thoughts?” Dumbledore inquires. 

“I don’t know, I was just so focused on getting him out of my head I guess I just pushed too far.” 

“That’s very interesting,” Dumbledore strokes his beard thoughtfully. “You seem to have a talent for this.” 

“I suppose,” I sigh. “I just couldn’t believe I had actually managed to do it.” 

“A very sad place to be indeed,” Dumbledore nods thoughtfully. “Severus Snape is in fact a very sad boy. That’s why it’s so easy for him to fall to darkness. Not because he’s inherently evil, but because he is extremely lonely. He falls in with whoever shows him kindness. In this case, he was found by a very nasty group indeed.”“Sure, but this also means that Severus doesn’t trust me. He could turn this all upside down in a moment’s notice if he wanted to.” 

“Then, make him a friend,” Dumbledore suggests. 

I laugh, “Seriously?” 

He tilts his head to look at me over his half moon glasses, “I am quite serious.” 

“Is Lucius even going to trust me now? He’s my cover.” 

Dumbledore chuckles, “I assure you that Lucius Malfoy is still quite smitten. You may just have to turn things up a notch.” 

“This seems pointless,” I groan. “I haven’t achieved anything.” 

“You’re getting close. That’s part of it. It’s probably the hardest part.” 

I nod without saying anything else. 

None of my (most likely now former) friends look at me as I make my way to the Great Hall for dinner. They all sit at the table together with sour looks. Remus and Stevie talk quietly to Peter. James still seems to be comforting Sirius. I feel my heart drop as I walk past them. I realize Lily is likely at Slug Club, and I should be there as well but I have no desire to at the moment. 

Severus sits by himself, and I make my way to sit beside him. He doesn’t look at me either as I sit down. I pile some food on my plate, and take a few bites. Ronan sits down across from me, along with Delilah Greengrass beside him. The two lean close together, and I can spot the blooming romance between them. 

“Why are you sitting with me?” Severus asks. 

“I don’t know,” I look down at my plate. “I wanted to ask you about what I saw.” 

“No,” Severus shakes his head. “I don’t want to talk about that.” 

“Okay, then why were you trying to read my thoughts?” 

“I wasn’t,” Severus tries to lie. 

“Don’t lie,” I roll my eyes. “We both know there’s no point in trying.” 

“I was just curious,” he explains. “I mean you just come across as so apathetic. You used to watch James and Sirius pick on me with no feeling in your eyes. Like you just numbed yourself to it.” 

“So what? I couldn’t stop them even if I tried.” 

“That’s just it,” Severus claims. “The only other person I know who is more guarded than you is me, and I know there’s always a reason for that.” 

“Sev,” I sigh. “I’m just trying to make my parents proud. I need to fully commit to that now.” 

“So, what are you hiding?” 

“Nothing,” I insist. “I just don’t want anyone roaming through my mind.” 

“I suppose that’s fair,” he concedes. “Anyway, I am sorry about what happened. I suppose I should’ve stopped pushing so hard when I realized you were trying to stop me.” 

“I suppose I will forgive you if you promise not to do it again.” 

“I won’t,” he agrees. “Also, thank you for not selling me out to Lucius. I mean, I had told him because I assumed you would so it was futile. But I still appreciate it.” 

Of course, I hadn’t lied on Severus’ behalf. Still it is a good way to get him to trust me. So I simply smile and nod. We fall into a comfortable silence as we both finish our dinner. Ronan and Delilah are practically drooling all over one another by the time dinner is over. We all make our way to the common room, and I work on catching up with my work before patrol duty. 

I begin patrol by ushering a few stray students to their respective dorms. I noticed that while I was passed out posters for the dance were put up on the wall. Lily has settled on the masquerade idea. It just adds another layer of stress to even consider having to go to the dance. I know when my mother finds out about it she’s going to insist I go. Knowing her she will design me an elaborate gown and mask. It would be wonderful to see what she would come up with for me. It’s just the idea of having to actually go to the dance. 

I continue down the corridors, and a lump forms in my throat when I spot Remus at the end of the wall walking towards me. He tilts his head to the side as he notices me. 

“Rosalind,” he acknowledges me. “It’s good to see you’re fine.” 

There’s a stiff formalness to his greeting. I’m not surprised Remus is just too polite to outright call me out. He tries to push past me but I stop him. 

“Did Sirius get in too much trouble?” I ask. Remus looks down at me with the closest I’ve ever seen to malice on his face. 

“He has detention for two afternoons,” he explains. “Gryffindor lost 100 points.” 

“Geez,” I sigh. “I’m sorry.” 

“Well, I took away 50 of them unaware Dumbledore would also deduct.” 

“Remus-” 

“What is wrong with you, Rosalind?” He sneers. “Of all people, Lucius Malfoy? He’s much too old for you, he’s most likely a Death Eater, and he’s so pompous.” 

“It’s complicated.” 

“You’ve never exactly been very radical either which way, a fact that’s worried all of us in the past if I’m being honest. You’re so concerned about keeping your family happy, but what if that leads you to ruin?” Remus shakes his head. “You must see that if they truly love you it won’t matter if you are obsessed with blood purity or not.” 

“Remus, please believe me. It’s much more complicated,” I hear the pathetic begging in my own voice. “I thought you understood after we talked.” 

“I advised you to patch things up, not lead him on again.” 

“I know,” I sigh. “I just got caught up.” 

Remus shakes his head and leaves me standing in the hallway by myself. My heart drops even further. If Remus, the most understanding of my friends, was this mad at me the rest of them will never forgive me. I know it’s perhaps for the best, all things considered. Still, I was hoping for a more gradual exit from their lives. 

The next morning I received an owl from my mother. My heart pounds as I open it, wondering what all rumors have managed to make their way home to her. I suppose since it’s not a howler I can assume it’s not as bad as my mind is trying to make up as I break the ornate seal on the envelope. 

_ Dearest Lindy,  _

_ Lucius told me what happened at school, and of course that he went to visit you. I am glad to hear it was not serious, as you seem insistent on not keeping me updated! Lucius seems to believe that you are pushing yourself much too hard at school. While your grades have always been a source of pride, I want to assure you that your health and happiness are absolutely my biggest priority. _

_ Speaking of Lucius, he is such a darling! And he is extremely smitten with you! I find it so endearing, and of course I am proud of you choosing to give him a chance. I’ve always said you would like him if you gave him a chance. He is such a handsome boy, and very polite. Of course now Druella Black is absolutely seething. She hasn’t come for tea in weeks! Narcissa is devastated, but I’m sure a girl with her looks will find her way.  _

_ One more thing, dear! I heard that Hogwarts is having a masquerade for Halloween! I will of course have to come to the Hogsmeade boutique so I can help fill orders and such. So, next weekend come to the boutique in Hogsmeade! I will do the measurements for your dress and we can discuss a look for you! If you know who you’re going with (assuming Lucius won’t be permitted to attend) bring them as well so we can get them fixed up!  _

_ Love,  _

_ Mummy  _

I fold the letter, trying not to feel flustered. My mother is such a gossip sometimes. Still, I feel a swell of pride for being the cause of Narcissa’s misery. She was so hard to live with when she was in school. She would hex any girl who she thought Lucius was interested in. She jinxed my pillow to ring all night long, so I couldn’t get any sleep. Nobody else could hear it, so of course I was convinced I had tinnitus. 

I go on about my day, thankful that Lucius hadn’t told my mother what happened at the hospital wing. 

As I enter Potions class after lunch, Professor Slughorn approaches my desk with a disappointed smile. 

“You missed Slug Club last night,” he says to me.

“I know, sir. I just wasn’t feeling up to it,” I say with a polite smile. 

Severus enters class and sits down beside me. He’d sat beside me in every class so far, which had earned me unpleasant glares from Stevie in Charms and Herbology. Herbology had been most unpleasant since Sirius, James, and Stevie all were able to shoot dirty looks in my direction every time I spoke in class. 

“I suppose that is understandable after that nasty business,” he insinuates. 

“Yes, well, I’m glad you understand my absence sir.” 

He nods before moving on to speak with someone else. I let out a sigh of relief. Severus and I exchange knowing looks, and let out small chuckles Stevie enters the room, and she makes it a point to sit as far away from us as she can manage. She sits next to Emma Vanity, the Slytherin quidditch captain. 

“She’s never gonna speak to either of us again,” Severus whispers to me. Both of us laugh. 

“She’s probably really confused by our talking,” I add. 

He nods, “I’m a little confused by it as well.” 

“Me too,” I confess. 

I’m thankful when Potions is over and I can go to Arithmancy. I had none of my friends in this class, not even Severus. So I was able to focus on the studies, and for a while my mind could be free from all the drama going on at the moment. It gives me a break from feeling Stevie’s eyes boring into me for an hour until we have Defense Against The Dark Arts together. 

Dumbledore keeps assuring me things will be easier now, and I suppose once I’m completely inducted that will be true. Still, the reality of turning away from my friends is much harder than I expected. 


	11. Chapter 11

After all this time, I’m appalled at the fact that Lindy had not taken Sirius’ side in this situation. I knew she found Lucius Malfoy charming, but for her to betray her best friends over this made my blood boil. Didn’t she care about any of us? I always thought she wouldn’t let her parents' judgement of others get to her head. I guess I was mistaken.

Lindy was always one to try and please her parents, but it was always understood that she wouldn’t give up her friendship to be with someone her parents liked. Mr. and Mrs. Cygnus had been trying to talk Lindy into a relationship with Lucius for some time now, but she always brushed it off as if it were just a suggestion.

It was the day after Lindy was discharged from the hospital wing, and I was just so exhausted from all the drama that had happened. Lucius came to visit Lindy, Sirius punched him in the face, Dumbledore made us all feel terrible for allowing it to happen...okay, so maybe Dumbledore had a good reason to make us feel bad about what had happened, but I hated when the teachers would discipline us for supporting what we felt was right.

Sirius ended up getting into a lot of trouble, and Remus was expected to keep us all in tow as was expected of him as a prefect. We were dismissed not long after Sirius was giving two detentions. I knew he’d be pretty angry about that, so James and I doubled down on trying to sneak in some firewhiskey.

Fortunately for the both of us, we ended up overhearing that the kitchen often had a supply of it to use for cooking, so before curfew was set in place, James was able to sneak in and grab some.

I was placed on lookout duty and to make sure everything went off without a hitch. Eventually, this led to James grabbing more than one bottle and me questioning everything he had in mind.

“Just trust me on this one!” He says with a smirk

  
  


Classes end for the day, and I continue to avoid Lindy. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to handle this, but I knew I needed time to cool off before I could even manage to say anything to her. Besides, I really wanted to make sure that Sirius was going to be okay after everything that happened.

  
  
  


At dinner, I sit with the gang at the Gryffindor table, and Lily and James are chatting about Sirius and how he hasn’t come to lunch and probably won’t be joining us for this meal either. I was worried about him because I knew he wouldn’t skip meals on purpose. He would have to be pretty upset to not eat half his weight in food. Sirius could have been a competitive eater if he wanted to.

“Do you think we should do something to cheer him up?” Lily ponders out loud.

“Yeah, maybe you two should jump out of a giant cake,” James banters, “Sirius always mentioned how much he loved that muggle tradition.”

Lily sighs and rolls her eyes, “God you can be such a pig sometimes!”

“James, your ability to make a joke with every situation is partly impressive but also partly annoying and immature.” I tell him, but he’s still laughing.

“What joke?” Remus asks as he sits next to me. Peter sits down on the other side of me and smiles.

“Don’t even bother asking, it’s not worth knowing.” Lily tells Remus, but James decides to explain it to Remus.

“James,” Remus groans, “you are immature.”

We all share a laugh, but I still think James is disgusting. He can’t take anything seriously and his mind is always in the gutter. I guess that’s just who he is, though.

As we finish up our meals, we talk about the bottles of Firewhiskey that James was able to steal from the kitchens. Most of us dismiss James’ idea of Lily and I jumping out of a cake, but we do try and think of something silly to do along with the drinking.

“Let’s all meet up in the Room of Requirements around nine!” James is excited but we try to shut him up so no teachers hear us.

“Okay, I suppose that’ll be just after our meeting,” Remus reminds me, and James wiggles his eyebrows at us. Peter is snickering to himself so I shoot him a dirty look.

Remus is quite annoyed with James and Peter at this point, but I can tell he’s managing to keep it all under wraps. The full moon is in a few days and I can tell he’s been a little irritated lately. I don’t blame him, I know this time of the month can be very difficult for him. He has been particular to tell James to shove off when James’ jokes go a little too far. Especially when James brings up the fact that Remus is about to be on his period, which is met with a death glare from Remus. 

“I’m just going to take a quick shower to freshen up, then I’ll be seeing you.” I say with a wink. Remus blushes but he’s quite pleased with what I tell him.

“Okay, I’ll see you in an hour, love.” 

James laughs and runs along in the hallways as he’s trying to plan our little party, and Peter is skipping along with him. Remus looks back at me and he sighs but smiles.

“After we meet up, we’ll have a much needed drink and cheer up our great friend Sirius!” I assure him and that seems to be enough to relieve him.

“I just can’t trust James to behave himself,” I give Remus a look, “but you’re absolutely right. This is for Sirius.” He’s content with that and walks off to do his prefect duties.

We go our separate ways and I walk down to the common room. There I find Severus sitting next to Avery and Ronan. Lindy is nowhere to be seen but I figure she’s out doing her prefect duties or something similar.

I quickly grab my things for a shower and walk down the hallway to the Slytherin shower room. I just can’t wait to feel fresh and clean and to meet up with Remus. Something tells me we won’t be long in the library seeing as we’ve got other plans, and hopefully, things will grow from there.

Something tells me that alone time with Remus is a good idea, but maybe being drunk might lead to a little bit of too much fun. I don’t mind the idea of that, seeing as I’ve always felt so comfortable with Remus.

He’s always been such a sweetheart to me, and my heart swells in the best way possible whenever we get a chance to be together. I never thought my feelings would manifest in such a way, but I could no longer deny it.

This made me think about how I started developing something for Severus. It all started with last year really, when we paired up for a potions assignment. At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but his way around the potions classroom and his knowledge of magic and its effects were always so intriguing to me.

After what happened to him and Lily last year, he had been ostracized. Severus started spending more time with Avery and Mulciber, who proved to be the worst kind of influence on him. Despite all of that, I did see how Severus could be a good person. I know he deeply regretted calling Lily a mudblood, but he also had some dark tendencies within him.

I thought back on the moment when I first started seeing Severus in a different light, and it just brought me back to my feelings for Remus. While Severus was impressive and such an enigma, Remus was comforting and loyal. 

A large portion of why I longed for Remus was the opposite of why I felt that way for Severus. It seemed like my body and my hormones were just out of whack whenever I saw Severus. He had this air of mystery to him, and I couldn’t help but feel turned on by this.

I am pleased to find that no one else is in the showers as I walk in. Setting my stuff down on the bench near the stall, I allow myself to breathe deeply as I am a bit nervous about meeting up with Remus. What would happen between us? 

I turn on the water and allow it to get to the right temperature. I feel tense and I also sense as if someone has followed me in here. I groan internally as I just want the showers to myself. Personally, I hope it’s a girl from my year so that we can at least chit chat about school work and the likes. I can hear the door open and close but I’m starting to undress. I don’t fret too hard seeing as this is the girls shower room.

When I turn around to see who it is, I notice it’s Severus. I can’t even comprehend how he managed to sneak in here. It made me feel apprehensive because it was almost like he knew I had been thinking of him.

“Get out!” I yell but he makes no move to leave the room. He just stares at me for a few moments before moving in closer to me.

I’m becoming flustered as I just want him to leave so I can take my shower. There’s a chill that runs down my spine while I try my best to keep my composure.

“Why are you in the girls shower room?” I narrow my eyes at him, I never pegged him to be such a pervert. Had none of the prefects spotted him? Where was Lindy if she wasn’t patrolling the dungeons?!

“I’m here because I can no longer deny the fact that there’s some tension between us,” he licks his lips, “and I’m going to fix that.” He steps in to unbutton my shirt. I slap his hand away, but I’m feeling strangely fired up. It’s like I can’t control my body, and I’m becoming a slave to this slew of emotions.

“Sev,” I groan, “what are you doing?” I feel lightheaded and a little breathless. I let him continue to undress me even though my mind is screaming at me to get him to stop.

Once my shirt hits the ground, I try to hide my body from him. Suddenly, I’m embarrassed and I want to cry. He was too close into my personal space and now he was going to be seeing me naked. It was such an odd feeling to be embarrassed yet starting to feel the beginnings of arousal.

“Don’t even bother to cover up, Stevie,” he growls, “let me see your body.” His eyes are even darker than normal, if that’s even possible. I can no longer read his signals, and everything he does seems to have a dark intention to it.

“Sev, why are you doing this?” I cry out and he snickers darkly. Strangely, I’m giving in to his every whim. His hands feel cool and clammy on my sweaty skin and the contrast is amazing. My head spins as I can longer keep my wits about me.

“I wanted to see you and apologize for what happened the other night,” he sees the disappointed look on my face, “but I see that maybe you aren’t ready to kiss and makeup.” I feel something strange within my mind, but I do my best to ignore it. All reason and logic has been tossed out the window at this point, yet I so desperately want to hold onto my dignity.

I’m studying Severus’ face as the weird tugging sensation continues on inside my head, and I feel a bit weak and like someone is invading my private thoughts. What is happening? If I can’t even manage to keep my most private thoughts to myself, how will I be able to stop myself from giving into my sexual tension?

“Oh, so you were on your way to see that  _ half-breed _ after you freshen up. Why does he deserve this sort of behaviour and I don’t?” Severus continues and he’s getting closer and closer to me. I’m stunned to know that he’s able to read my thoughts.

I find myself with my back to the cold tile wall, and the steam from the shower is making my skin slick with sweat. I’m panting softly as Severus is eyeing me up and down.

One of his hands slams next to my face as he starts to box me in, his face gets close to mine. His breath is hot and smells faintly of peppermint. His dark eyes look into mine as I gather up the courage to push him off. Alas, it’s all for not as I find myself to be very aroused.

  
  


“You like that  _ half-breed _ better than me? You think he’s got more...experience than I do?” Severus asks as his free hand roams my body. I shiver at his touch and long for him to do more things to me. I’m ashamed to be so aroused, but Severus was being so alluring in this moment. I try to remind myself that this was all physical attraction and not anything romantic, but my mind is clouded by thoughts of him kissing me all over.

“Sev,” I whine as he rubs my thighs under my skirt, “someone could walk in at any moment.” He quiets me with a fierce and wet kiss. His lips are smooth and his tongue is quite powerful.

His hand moves up to my breast and fumbling a bit, he removes my bra. I’m moaning into this kiss, and he presses himself into me more and more. I’m a slave to Severus at this moment, and all thoughts of meeting up with Remus are out of my head. There’s a twinge in my chest as I forget how much I wanted to be with Remus at this point, but I’m loving the feeling of being touched.

“No one is going to hear us,” Severus mutters a spell that I’m not familiar with, “which is a shame because I’d love for everyone to hear your cries of love.” While most of this is out of character for him, I feel like our fight a few days ago has spurred him to come to terms with his feelings.

  
  


His fingers tease my hot wet core. Severus hastily pushes my panties aside, and I squirm towards his hand as he rubs one long finger up and down my folds. I’m whimpering at his touch, and I really can’t help but buck my hips towards his hands.

“I can’t imagine that  _ Remus _ could ever make you feel this way,” his breath is hot and heavy on my neck as he whispers in my ear, “only I can make you feel this way.”

“That’s...not fair, Sev.” I moan as he inserts one of his long fingers inside my womanhood. I’ve never had anyone do this to me, and I’m not proud that I’m allowing Severus the privilege to do so. I always thought I’d let someone I truly love do this to me and that this moment would be a lot more special than this.

His finger pumps in and out of me as I cry out his name. He’s very pleased with his actions and leaves wet open-mouthed kisses all over my chest. I can feel the heat in my stomach rise up, and my womanhood is quivering at every move he makes. 

I’m dripping all down his finger as he continues to please me so well. It’s like he knows every move, which surprises me because I always thought he was a virgin and inexperienced.

“Sev, please…” I whine, and he snickers. He looks me in the eyes as his finger gets quicker and rougher. The room feels like it’s spinning and my thighs are starting to tense. It’s almost unbelievable how much I’m enjoying this.

“I can’t believe you’re going to come undone on just my finger,” his voice is low and gruff, “can you imagine how you’d feel if it were my cock?” I’m practically drooling at not only his actions and touch, but also at his dirty talk.

I’m panting and mewling as his motions become sloppier. The heat in my stomach begins to pool lower in my abdomen and I’m so close to cumming. I’m shaking and shivering and finally, I allow myself to come undone all over his hand. 

He lets me ride out my high as I’m breathily calling his name. There’s a huge rush of shame that overwhelms my body and I push Severus off of me. 

“How could I let myself be such a fool? I can’t believe I let you do that to me.” I cover my face as tears flow down my cheeks. I’m embarrassed and distraught that I could be so easily influenced by a kiss and slender fingers. I didn’t even love him.

“Stevie, don’t lie about your true feelings,” Severus smirks at me, “I know you enjoyed that as much as I did.” He brings his finger up to his lips and sucks off my womanly juices. I’m partly disgusted by his actions, but there’s that other part of me that loves the way his tongue swirls around his finger to capture all of my essence.

“You taste so good, I’m thinking about making this a weekly occurrence if you finally come to terms with how you truly feel about me.” I can’t think straight at this proposal. It’s only now that my mind is starting to regain its ability to think for itself and I just want to punch him in the face.

“God you’re so insufferable!” I shout at him but this doesn’t even seem to phase him.

Severus watches me closely, and he’s acting very pompous and conceited. How could he even bother to propose something like this to me after I feel so dirty having let him make me cum? I never even wanted this to happen, but I allowed myself to be weak.

I push past him and hurriedly run towards the library. I fought back tears as the image of Remus’ face pops into my mind. How would Remus even want to meet with me after this? I felt like I was scum of the earth.

Once I open the doors to the library, I spot Remus sitting alone in one of the corners. My head drops as I can see him violently writing something on parchment. He knows something is up because I’m late to meeting him.

“I’m so sorry that I’m late,” I breathe out, “can you forgive me?” Remus looks at me, and his eyes are glazed over but filled with some emotion I cannot begin to describe. There’s a smell of firewhiskey in the air and I can tell that he had been drinking.

“I can smell that little slimy git all over you,” his nostrils flare, “what were you doing? I thought you were taking a shower, Stevie.”

I can feel the heat rush to my cheeks as I start muttering excuses and apologies to Remus, but he’s furious. He knows something strange went on between Severus and I, and I think it may have to do with the fact that Remus’ senses are heightened days before a full moon, especially his sense of smell.

“Be quiet, Stevie. I can’t believe you would do this to me,” Remus growls as he gets up, “weren’t you coming here to meet with me?” He allows me a few seconds to come up with an explanation for what happened just moments ago.

“Remus,” I plead, “nothing happened. He just asked me a question and wouldn’t let me leave. I didn’t mean to be late.” I can tell that Remus isn’t believing my lies, but I don’t want him to know that I let Severus get intimate with me.

“I can smell  _ your _ scent as well,” he’s trying not to get too preoccupied, “he did something to you, didn’t he?” My mind goes blank as I panic at the idea of him finding out what Severus did. In reality, I would have much prefered that Remus would have been the first one to be intimate with me.

“No, Remus. I...uhm, I was just busy in the shower.” I lie under pressure, but somehow I can tell he’s not buying it, “I was thinking of you.” The tears are back and I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold them back this time.

“Stevie, if you expect me to believe that, you’re more of a fool than I thought.” His voice is low and calm, but there’s an eerie tone to it. He’s not just angry, he feels betrayed.

My heart breaks at his words, and it pains me to know that Remus thinks I’m a fool. He thinks I’m an even bigger fool now that he knows something happened between Sev and I. I’m hating myself for allowing that to happen, but I only have myself to blame for not stopping Severus.

“You should leave,” Remus says, “I think that it’s best if we spend some time apart, seeing as you obviously want someone else to please you.” I feel like my world is crumbling all around me, and I can’t be bothered to pick up the pieces.

“Rem, please!” I beg him, but he won’t even look my way. Tears spill from my eyes as I run from the library. I’m so heartbroken and so terribly sad by the fact that my sexual frustrations came between Remus and I, when all I wanted was to spend some quality time with the guy I truly like.

When I reach the dungeons, I’m even more hurt by the fact that I had avoided Lindy all day, so I wasn’t even going to be able to vent to my best friend. I could see Severus bragging to Ronan, Avery and Mulciber in the corner. Ronan raises an eyebrow at me, but I just rush up the stairs to the dorm before any of those idiots can say anything.

Lindy is sitting on the bed and she’s deep into her homework, but she looks my way once she notices how distraught I am. I want to collapse in her arms and cry and tell her how much I hate Severus for seducing me, and I want her to run her fingers through my hair while she comforts me.

She looks back to her homework and doesn’t bother to say a word to me. I’m very astounded by the way she has completely ignored me in my time of need. I crawl onto my bed and pull the curtains down around me to drown out the sounds of my sobs and to undress. 

As I’m lying down to fall asleep, I think about how I may have lost both of my best friends. I feel as if I’m just never going to be able to make it up to Remus, and that possibly Lindy has changed so much over time that she’s forgotten who she truly is.

Maybe I was too late in trying to tell her to live her life the way she wants to, and maybe I was a bad influence on her. After all, this could be the way she wants to live. She was always one to try and please everyone, especially her parents.

My heart aches as I close my eyes and try my best to shut my mind to the intrusive thoughts that are invading it. I eventually fall asleep and when I wake up, I feel even worse than last night.

When I make my way to the great hall for breakfast, I can see James and Sirius glaring at me. I move to go sit with Lindy, but Severus is next to her and he’s got a scheming look in his eyes. I feel like I’m stuck between a rock and hard place, so I sit down alone at the end of the Slytherin table.

“Hey, why aren’t you sitting with your friends?” I look up to see who’s talking to me and I see that it’s Emma Vanity. She’s a year older than me and the quidditch captain of the Slytherin team. 

“Oh, I guess I’m just not feeling up to having them prank me today,” I fib but she doesn’t know any better, “so I just want to have a quiet breakfast.”

“So you won’t mind if I sit with you?” Her smile is so infectious, so I pat the seat next to me.

Emma sits down and starts picking out food for breakfast. I’m just pushing the food on my plate back and forth, but I’m feeling slightly better now that she’s joined me.

“Did you hear about the masquerade on Halloween? That could be super fun! I think some of us really need to liven up.” Emma is trying to make conversation with me, and I find it to be really helpful in distracting me from my pain.

“I’m hoping it’ll be more fun than the Christmas gift exchange from last year.” Emma and I both laugh at the misery of that event. Most of the students had ended up giving out crummy gifts, which made a lot of people angry and very upset.

“Yeah, that was kind of dumb, but really funny!” The great hall is emptying slowly, but we continue to laugh and joke about Hogwarts attempts at planning muggle events.

“I like you Stevie, you’re a fun gal. I gotta head to class now, but I’ll see you in potions?” We both get up, and I feel myself become relieved. I had made friends with someone who wasn’t hurt by my stupidity.

“Yeah, I’ll see you in potions.” I said softly as I watched her walk away. I had a feeling this would blossom into something special.


	12. Chapter 12

It’s a beautiful Saturday morning. The sun shines along the lake like crystals. I walk with Severus to Hogsmeade to meet my mother at Cygnus Designs. Severus is droning on about his classes and how stupid he feels pretty everyone is in comparison to him. Mulciber and Avery follow along, talking among themselves. Although I’m not entirely fond of my present company, I’ve come to accept them as a necessary evil. 

It’s been a couple weeks since I was in the hospital wing. I’ve been busy planning the masquerade with Lily, who surprisingly doesn’t hate me. She seems to pity me, and has commented that my falling out with everyone reminds her of her falling out with Severus. I think she wants me to open up to her. She’s a very sweet girl, and I appreciate her efforts much more than I can tell her. 

So with planning the dance, studying, and occlumency lessons with Dumbledore it is easy to keep busy. Dumbledore has taken an interest in my aptitude for Legilimency as well, but has discouraged me from practicing this too much since my last attempt with Severus ended with me passing out from the strain.

So in order to allow me to practice more, he asks for me to come in on Sundays as well. Needless to say, I have very little time to mope too much about anything going. However, in the quieter moments like a walk to Hogsmeade Severus made better company than my own thoughts. 

As we enter Hogsmeade, I spot a familiar tall blond standing at the entrance. I catch a smile spreading on my face as Lucius comes to greet me. He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me against him. I let out a soft laugh when he leaned down to kiss me on the cheek. I can tell he wants to try to kiss me on the mouth, but I pull away as my former friend group walks past. I may not be able to be friends with them anymore, but I feel it’s necessary to keep this from being too painful. Hopefully in the end we could eventually be friends again. 

“It's wonderful to see you,” Lucius says. He pushes one of my curls behind my ear. A small smile spreads across his lips. 

“It is quite a lovely surprise,” I agree. “I wasn’t expecting you.” 

He leans close to me again. His eyes are fixed on my lips, “It wouldn’t have been much of a surprise if you did.”

“I suppose we’ll leave you two alone,” Severus says before sulking away. 

Lucius curls his fingers between mine, and he leads me down the street. Everything about Lucius exudes confidence. I find myself standing a little straighter in order to match him. 

“So, what was on the agenda today?” he asks me. 

“As a matter of fact, I was going to see my mother about getting a dress for the masquerade.” 

“Ah, you will be attending that?” His eyes are fixed ahead of us where Sirius, James, Remus, Peter, and Lily are sitting at one of the tables outside of The Three Broomsticks. 

“I have to go, Lucius. I’m a prefect and I helped organize the event. It would be ridiculous if I didn’t show up to my own event,” I insist. 

Sirius and Remus both look up at me as we walk past them. I find myself breaking the eye contact to look in one of the store windows on the other side of the street. Lucius lets out a disapproving scoff. I have to bite back the urge to scold him. 

My mother’s shop is filled with girls either getting measured for adjustments or trying on dresses. Lucius has an advantage due to his height so I allow him to take the lead through the boutique. I direct him to my mother’s office in the far left corner of the building. She is sitting behind her desk filling out the orders. Behind her a sewing needle is suspended in the air making the final stitches on a gown in need of alteration. A drawing pad and quill is making out the final touches of a sewing pattern. 

When she looks up at me, all her work neatly places itself away. She stands from her desk, walking across the room with her arms spread to embrace me. 

“It’s so good to see you,” she says as she holds me. 

Something about the sincere affection caused something to shatter inside of me. The events of the year so far seemed to all pull to the front of my mind. I lean against my mother, and breath in the comforting scent of home. She twirls a strand of my hair between her fingers as I teeter on the edge of tears. I wish I could tell her everything like I used to be able to before The Dark Lord’s influence really took hold. 

“I miss you, Mummy,” I whisper against her shoulder. She had no idea how many levels my longing went for things to be the way they were when I was a kid again. 

“I’ll give you two a moment,” Lucius offers while stroking my shoulder. I hear him leave the room. 

“What’s gotten into you?” she smooths a strand of hair behind my ear. 

“I’m just not happy at school,” I confess. “This year has been very stressful.” 

“I know, darling,” she kisses my temple before pulling away with a comforting smile. “It won’t be long until you’re home for Christmas. I know you need a break.” 

I take a deep, shaking breath. It’s still taking a great deal of effort for me not to cry. Simply feeling so strongly for no apparent reason made me feel ridiculous. I shake my head, reminding myself to stay calm and keep my thoughts steady. 

“I’m sorry, Mum. I’m just being ridiculous,” I smile. 

She reaches down to take my hands in hers, “No, no. You should’ve seen me during sixth year. I was an absolute wreck. And I had just begun seeing your father. It was all a bit overwhelming.”

“So, I need a gown,” I return to business. 

Breaking the physical contact with my mother seemed to make it easier for me to calm myself down. I step to the door so I can spot Lucius sitting in one of the leather waiting chairs outside my mother’s office. I lean down to kiss his cheek, he looks up at me with a smile on his handsome features. He stands up to come back into the office. 

“Who are you going with?” My mother asks as she takes out her measuring tape. She indicates for me to stand on a stool so she can measure me. 

“Well, I was planning on going alone. Obviously my choice would be Lucius,” I give him a wink as I answer. Mum spreads my arms out so she can measure my waist. Lucius leans against my mother’s desk, “You know, if you wanted to go with someone as a friend I wouldn’t mind.” 

“That’s an idea,” my mother agrees. 

“I just think it’s best for me to go alone. With my prefect duties and being an event organizer, I wouldn’t be a very fun date anyway,” I explain.

Lucius shrugs, “I was head boy the last time I went to a dance.” 

“Yes, I remember that,” I smirk. “Your date was very pretty.”

His face turns a light shade of pink. Narcissa was his date to that dance. She also hexed a poor fifth year girl with genital boils because the girl asked Lucius for a dance. The poor girl had to spend a week at the hospital wing due to the boils bursting so often. The staff never found out it was Narcissa who had caused this, but I overheard her bragging about it in the girl’s showers one day.

“I think you should at least go with a friend,” Mum argues. 

I bite my lip as I attempt to come up with another logical reason this wouldn’t work. Obviously saying Dumbledore asked me to use Lucius to get close to the Death Eaters so I’m not friends with any of my old friends (who my parents disliked to start with) anymore. 

“What about Severus?” Lucius suggests. “I would trust him absolutely.” 

I can’t hold back the laugh which leaves me. Upon looking at Lucius’ confused face I shake my head, “I don’t think Severus would want to go with me.” 

“Why not? You seem to be getting along well enough,” Lucius insists.

My mother leaves to go gather some fabric samples for me to look at. I step down from the stool to stand in front of Lucius. 

“No, he tolerates me because he adores you,” I jest. 

Lucius knits his eyebrows in concern, “Why do you say that?” 

I shrug, “I just feel that way.” 

Lucius steps close to me, his hands coming to rest on each of my shoulders. There’s a bit of genuine concern in his eyes, although I can’t imagine why. 

“Has Severus bothered you?” Lucius asks 

I chuckle, “No. I just don’t think we’re chummy enough to go to a dance together.” 

Lucius takes my hand in his and brings it up to his lips. He places soft kisses along my knuckles. There’s a thoughtful look in his eyes as he does so. A warm feeling spreads throughout me, and I feel a smile fighting it’s way onto my lips. I bring my free hand to rest on his chest. I can’t deny the feelings I do have for Lucius. Perhaps it is my parent’s approval hanging above us, but I do feel so safe with him.

“You know, I could attempt to speak with Dumbledore about allowing me to come,” Lucius suggests. 

I laugh, “Why on earth would you want to do that? You would be miserable and it would be awkward after everything.” 

He places another kiss on top of my hand before whispering, “For you. I would do it for you.” 

My mother walks back into the room. Lucius and I separate quickly. She sets the sample book on the desk. I take a seat in one of the chairs around her desk, and begin flipping through them. Mum also has some sketches of dress ideas littered throughout the book. Among the sketches was a gown with a cape. It appeared to be all chiffon, and there were silk flowers sewn onto the champagne colored chiffon. It reminds me of the dress I wore to the dinner party where Lucius and I connected.    
“I want that one,” I say as I point to it. 

My mother beams, “That is the one I was hoping you would choose all along.” 

After a little while longer of visiting with my mother I have to continue working to convince both of them that I was fine with going to the dance by myself. Lucius and I exit the shop just in time for me to see Stevie entering it, no doubt to go be measured. My heart pounds when I realize this means she’ll likely come in contact with my mother. Still, I try to remain calm. 

Lucius distracts me from this train of thought when he takes my hand, and he begins to lead me towards the woods. 

“Where are you taking me?” 

“I just want a little bit of alone time with you is all,” he whispers.

We walk a little ways until we come across a clearing among the giant trees. Lucius waves his wand, and a large plush blanket appears on the ground along with some cushions. He sits down on the blanket, and pats the spot beside him. I sit down in the spot and stretch my legs out in front of me.

Sun shines through the leaves of the trees, and birds chirp.He wraps an arm around my waist, and pulls me close to him. He leans in and presses a kiss against my cheek. 

“You didn’t just bring me out here to try and get laid did you?” I ask as his lips trail along my jaw. 

“Of course not,” he whispers. 

A shiver goes down my spine. I press myself against him, and I catch his lips with mine. It takes him a moment to react due to the surprise of the moment. I’m not sure what possesses me to be so forward yet as soon as he kisses back I don’t regret it a bit. He cups my face, and deepens the kiss. I let out a soft moan as his tongue passes between my lips. I grip onto the lapel of his jacket to brace myself. I feel a warmth swirling between my thighs, spreading to the pit of my stomach. Lucius pulls away, but keeps me held flush against him as he presses me onto my back. He hovers over me, his blonde hair falling on either side of his face. I reach up to brush it away. His eyes focused on me with an intensity I’ve never seen.

“Rosalind, tell me something. Please be honest,” he traces a finger along my chin and jaw. “Are you a virgin?” 

My heart pounds, “Yes.” 

He seems to be pleased with this answer as he leans down to kiss me once again. My fingers bury in his blond locks as he moves to settle between my legs. He’s hard against my inner thigh, and I pull away from his kiss. 

“You said this wasn’t going to be about getting laid.” 

Lucius furrows his eyebrows, “It’s not. I can stop if you would like me to.” 

He begins to lift himself away from me, but he keeps his hands on my thighs as I sit up straight. My mind is swimming. Part of me just wants the distraction of physical activities such as this. An even bigger part of me actually likes Lucius, and yearns to be this close to him. The same part still longs for Sirius in a way.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks with a sincere look in his eyes. “Have I made a mistake bringing you here?” 

“No,” I sigh. “I suppose I’m just overwhelmed.” He looks ashamed until I tilt his face close to mine with a smirk, “Please just kiss me again. I’m thinking too much.” 

“You think too much,” he teases me. 

With a smirk on his lips, he pulls me into another deep kiss. I’m surprised to find myself pulling him close once more. He kisses my neck before pushing my cardigan off my shoulder so he can press kisses along my exposed collar bone. I let out a soft sigh. His hands reach down to push up the hem of my skirt. His hands knead the tender flesh of my thigh, I let out another moan. My hips buck against his hand, longing to feel the friction on my core. His hands tease me through my panties, causing my breath to hitch. He guides me onto my back once again. His lips find mine once more in a hurried kiss. His lips leave a sloppy trail of kisses down my neck before moving to position himself between my legs. He pushes my skirt up further, and moves my panties. His index finger teases my entrance. I lift my head up to watch him through hooded eyes as he places bites and kisses along my inner thighs. 

“Lucius,” I moan. My hands grabbing onto his shoulders as he licks my slit. 

“So sweet,” he purrs. 

He positions each of my legs to rest on his shoulders before dipping his head between my thighs. His tongue teases my clit before pushing against my entrance, sending a jolt through me I’ve never experienced. The thumb on the hand he’s holding my panties aside with begins teasing my clit in slow circles. I’m embarrassed by how much I’m enjoying this. The closest I’ve ever come to this was the day with Sirius by the lake. A pool of pleasure begins building in my stomach, and I am a mess. Whines and moans escape my lips between my crying out his name. My legs begin to tense up as my toes curl. My hips rock against my will, as I yearn for even more friction. His free hand rests on my abdomen to keep me still. A wave of pleasure comes over me, and I cry out. His hand leaves my abdomen to cover my mouth as I ride out this wonderful high he’s given me. One wave of pleasure after another rips through me until I’m just a weak mess whining against his hand. He finally pulls away from me. He takes the liberty of readjusting my panties and my skirt as I catch my breath. I’m surprised and truthfully disappointed when he doesn’t attempt to push things any further. He plops down beside me and pulls me against him once more. He showers my face with kisses. I hate how soft I feel towards him, and attempt to rationalize it as being post-orgasm feelings. 

“You’re beautiful,” he says. 

I smile, “Shut up, Lucius.” 

“You are,” he cups my face and brings me into a deep kiss. 

The bell indicating it’s time to head back to Hogwart rings. Both of us let out disgruntled groans. He stands up first, and helps me to my feet. With a quick wave of his wand, the blanket and everything disappears again. As we begin walking back, I hope I don’t look like someone who just recieved oral sex in the middle of the woods just about 100 yards away from Hogmeade. 

Sirius, James, and Stevie are standing outside of the Three Broomsticks when me and Lucius get back to Hogsmeade. There’s an expression on Sirius' face that tells me he knows something happened. He leans in and whispers something to Stevie. I look away from them as Lucius takes my hand, and walks me to the end of the road leading to Hogwarts. He gives me a parting kiss, and watches me for a few moments as I begin walking up the hill to Hogwarts. A small snapping sound lets me know he’s disapparated. 

My mind mulls over everything that’s happened. Lucius’ suggestion I go to the dance with Severus is still heavy on my mind. I never had any intention at all of going to the dance with Severus. While we’ve come to have a certain amount of mutual respect, my own company would be preferable to his. 

It’s also true that I would have to be working behind the scenes to make sure the event goes well. Also as a prefect I have to go through the process of approving or disapproving any requests for a date that’s below fifth year. I would also be responsible for the behavior of my house, and ensuring no trouble ensues. Even if I did have a date, it wouldn’t be much fun for the poor git.

Just as though he had been reading my thoughts, Severus ran up the hill to catch up with me. We walk together in silence for a moment before he finally speaks up. 

“Lucius wants us to go to the dance together,” he explains. His voice is somewhat soft now, if I didn’t know any better I would sense some apology. 

I can’t help but laugh at this, “Yes, it would see he does. Don’t worry about it, Sev. I think I’ve made it clear to him that won’t be necessary.” 

“I wouldn’t mind. I’ve never had a date before,” he admits. “Not even a platonic one.” 

My heart goes out to him. It’s incredibly difficult for it not to after the things I’ve learned about his past added onto what I already know. 

“Sev,” I sigh, “I just don’t think I would be much fun for you. Perhaps you could ask someone you’re interested in or something. Stevie perhaps?” 

His breath hitches, “I don’t think she’s ever going to want to have anything to do with me again. I did something very stupid.” 

“Do you want to talk about it?” I offer. 

“No,” he sighs. “I really do not.” 

I shrug as we come up to the door entering Hogwarts. We continue walking together to the Slytherin common rooms in a comfortable silence. I’m sure whatever happened between him and Stevie was causing her problems as well. For a moment I wish I could be there for her, try to help her come to a solution perhaps. 

Trying to push my thoughts, I go up to my dorm and gather my things to go take a shower. 


	13. Chapter 13

As weeks passed, I found myself becoming closer and closer to Emma. She was kind, cheery and cute. It was a little surprising that I caught myself checking her out from time to time, but I chalked it up to me just admiring my new friend. Her blonde hair was always tied up in a loose ponytail, and she had golden brown eyes. They seemed to sparkle in the sun, which always made me get lost in them. Sometimes, I found myself being envious of her athletic slim body, which was due to the fact that she was the quidditch captain.

Our friendship was based on both of us just trying to be carefree and have fun, with a mix of her distracting me from my problems with my other friends. Remus and I hadn’t actually made up yet and things were still awkward for us. Especially when I sat with the rest of the guys. Emma made me see that things could be different, and that I didn’t always have to hang out with the same people.

  
  


It’s now Saturday, and Emma and I were just getting ready to head out to Hogsmeade. She’s in the great hall with me as we eat the last of our breakfast. Our conversation consists of us planning on where we’re going to go when we get to Hogsmeade when the gang comes up to us at our table. Emma got along brilliantly with the gang, seeing as her family didn’t really believe in blood purity and they had no affiliation with the Dark Lord. Emma exemplified this behaviour by being kind and friendly with most everyone. The gang loves how funny and charming she is, so we all have a good time together joking and laughing.

  
  


“Hey, did you want to go to Gladrags?” Emma asks me while I wipe my face.

“I think I might go to Cygnus Designs,” I answer. She eyes me cautiously, “even though Lindy’s mum owns it. It’s going to be fine. Besides, Mrs. Cygnus can’t deny business!”

“Also, I think the dresses at Cygnus are better than the ones at Gladrags. You know they sell socks that yell when they get too smelly?” I tell her, and she laughs.

“Are you sure you don’t want to go just to talk to Lindy’s mum? If that’s the case, then you probably should just go to Gladrags. They have some nice stuff there, I promise!” Emma says.

“No, that’s not it. I really do love how elegant the dresses are at Cygnus. Lindy’s mum has always had an eye for fashion, and the dresses she designs for Lindy are always breathtaking!” 

“If that’s what you want to do, then I’m open to it.” Emma agrees. We walk outside into the fresh, crisp autumn air. The sun is shining and there are a few fluffy clouds in the blue-gray sky. It’s such a beautiful day.

Before I’m even able to take a step further, I’m stopped by Amos Diggory. A strange sense of deja vu washes over me as he instructs me to head over to Professor Dumbledore’s office. 

“Well, I guess I’ll see you in Hogsmeade later,” I tell Emma and she promises to see me later. I make my way back into the castle and I follow Amos towards the Headmaster’s office. I feel nervous because I remember what Dumbledore and I had talked about the last time we had a meeting.

Once I enter, he is by the fireplace and looks very meditative. I almost don’t want to disturb him as he seems so lost in thought. In a moment, he looks over at me and smiles. 

“Good afternoon, Stephania. I assure you this won’t be too long as I know you were hoping to head to Hogsmeade with your friends,” Dumbledore says after a beat of silence.

“I suppose I would like to purchase a nice dress before the rest of the girls take all the best ones.” I joke slightly, and he grins. With a wave of his hand, he instructs me to sit next to him by the fire. 

The chairs are comfy and are a deep burgundy color. As I sit, I feel a rush of release. It’s a comforting moment and I don’t feel like there’s so much pressure on me to act a certain way. Dumbledore wants me to be as real as I can be.

“How have you been feeling? Are you still feeling challenged with your classes?” His tone is firm but encouraging.

“Everything has been fine,” I fib slightly, “and my classes are always challenging.” Dumbledore can tell I was lying but he does not push me to tell him why.

He inhales deeply and studies my face. As he sits more comfortably in the chair, his eyes wander all over my face.

“You know, your mother made the same face when she was lying,” his words are a bit shocking considering no one ever mentions my mother, “she would often try to hide her true feelings from people as well as to not hurt them. She was always one to try and please people.” Dumbledore considers his words properly as he knows this is a sensitive subject for me.

“Really? No one ever talks about my mum.” I’m hoping he’ll keep talking to me about my mother.

“Your mother was a very daring person, but she cared deeply for her friends. That’s part of the reason why your father was so attracted to her. He saw this kindness in her that he had not experienced in some time.” Dumbledore explains to me, and I’m hooked on his words. Even my father never really talked about my mother in this way.

“I see that same kindness in you, and that same daringness. You are very much like her,” The older wizard places a hand on mine, “this is why I picked you for this cause. Your father might have been influenced by the wrong people, but it won’t deter you from doing the right thing.”

  
  
  


There’s a moment of silence before he asks, “Do you remember why I asked you here last time?” I nod, “well it’s for the same reason I called you here today.”

“I wanted to inform you that my plans to recruit people to our cause has been going quite well,” he pauses to push up his spectacles, “and that many of the people I’ve asked have started to recruit other members in secret.” I’m not sure where this is going, but I listen on as this is riveting to me.

“Stephania, I’d like to ask a favour of you if you’d allow me.” This is something I wasn’t expecting, but I assure him that I was alright with this.

“I’d like for you to recruit the person you trust the most for our group,” he starts, “I implore you to truly look deep inside yourself to find who the right person might be for this. You must not rush your decision.” Various people pop into my mind as I try and think about who I trust the most these days. It would seem that I’d really have to heed his advice on this.

I thought of maybe asking Lindy to join, but I remembered that our friendship was no longer very stable. This also made me think of Remus, who was also in an odd situation with me as well. I wonder if I’ll even be able to pick someone who I trust. Why would Dumbledore ask me this favor if he knew that I was in a rocky spot with both my best friends?

“Now, as for that recruit, I’d like for you to pick someone loyal and someone who is knowledgeable. Do you know anyone like that?” Loyal and knowledgeable are definitely the words I’d use to describe most of my friends, but did I truly trust them with this kind of information? I’d have to really think about it.

“Of course, you can count on me.” He’s happy with my response.

“Yes, and I’d very much prefer if this person did not lean to one side or the other on the matters of blood purity. Someone who could be neutral about all of this.” My mind turns to all the people I called friends and most of them lean to one side or the other. This would not be an easy task.

“Now, you’re free to go. I know you’re looking forward to finding a gown for the masquerade.” There’s a twinkle in his eyes as I move to leave.

  
  
  


As I’m leaving the castle, I find myself thinking over and over and over about Dumbledore’s comments on my mum. No one, not even my grandparents had told me that much stuff about her. Whenever I mentioned mum at home, I was met with an angry look from father. My grandparents spoke very little about her. Alois didn’t even talk about her much considering he knew how angry my father could get if anyone would mention her.

  
  


The words hang heavy on my heart as I find my way into Hogsmeade and I immediately find Emma. She’s talking to another member of the quidditch team and she smiles as soon as she sees me.

“Hey, you made it!” She wraps her arms around me in a warm hug.

“Yeah, thankfully it was a quick meeting with Dumbledore. He knew this Hogsmeade outing was important.” We both chuckle at this.

I see James and Sirius taking the piss out of some poor fourth years and Lily is chastising James. She waves at me with a sunny smile on her face. I wave back enthusiastically.

  
  


“I bet you’re glad everything has gone back to normal.” Emma says. I’m happy that I haven’t lost my friendship with them even though Remus and I haven’t had the chance to make up yet.

I see Lindy with Lucius walk into her mother’s shop together and it makes me sick to my stomach to know that she’s decided to hang out with him. I know she thinks he’s attractive and charming, but aren’t real friendships worth more than this fleeting affair?

“Almost everything,” I say with a sigh. Emma and I decide to head somewhere else for the time being so I won’t have to run into Lindy and Lucius in Cygnus Designs.

We make our way towards The Three Broomsticks and spend the afternoon just shooting the breeze. It’s not long before Sirius and James walk in laughing. 

“So, what are you two birds doing alone?” James inquires, insinuating that something else is going on. There’s a giant cloud of pink smoke enveloping Emma and I, and pink hearts are erupting from Sirius’ wand. James and Sirius are giggling as they wiggle their eyebrows along with their dumb heart charms.

“Shove off, James. Can’t two friends spend an afternoon together?” I say as I roll my eyes.

“Yeah, that’s what you want us to think. That you two are just friends.” Sirius laughs and Emma gets up.

“You guys are dumb,” Emma says yet you can tell she’s entertained, “but unfortunately I do have to go meet someone else. I’ll see you later, Stevie.” Emma walks off and I’m left with my two idiotic friends.

“I’m going to get my dress for the dance, so you guys can  _ just _ be friends together.” I retort to James and Sirius. They laugh at my joke.

Once I reach Cygnus Designs, I almost literally run into Lucius and Lindy. She looks at me with surprise, but I just walk past them into the store. Thankfully, there’s a few shop attendants that are helping out other girls my age with their dresses, so I figure I won’t even have to interact with Mrs. Cygnus. 

Despite it being a great afternoon, I can’t help but feel like something is missing. Ever since third year, Lindy and I always planned fun outings in Hogsmeade, and now that we weren’t really talking to each other anymore, it felt so odd. It’s like I couldn’t bring myself to have a complete day without Lindy.

My thoughts were interrupted by a young witch coming towards me and asking me if I needed any help.

“Well, I am here to buy a dress for the upcoming masquerade, and I’m not really sure what I’m looking for.” I tell the shop attendant. She brings me over to a rack with some elegant looking gowns.

“I’d like to take a few measurements if that’s alright, Miss.” I allow her to measure me. She looks through a few dresses on the rack and pulls out a very beautiful black one.

“I think this one would suit your figure,” The dress in question is all black and made out of beautiful velvet. It has an off the shoulder cut to it, and a slit on one side. It’s a dazzling dress that is a classic 50’s design, and I’m absolutely in love with it.

“Yes, I agree.” Emma agrees with the shop lady and I’m surprised to see her here. I thought she was meeting up with someone, but I suppose she did have to pick a dress for the dance. 

I couldn’t picture Emma in a dress because she often wore slacks and trousers and not to mention her quidditch uniform. She didn’t like to dress femininely, so it made me think that she might have gone to Gladrags after I told her that Cygnus Designs had some very elegant and ladylike dresses.

“Thank you, Emma.” I feel my face flush at her comment.

“Don’t mention it,” she grins at me, “it’s only the truth.” I feel my heart race suddenly, and I can’t really explain what’s happening.

“You’re too kind, Emma.” She smiles and we part ways. I look once more at her as I head towards the register to purchase my dress. Emma is looking at a beautiful powder blue dress, and I can’t help but imagine what she might look like in it.

My face flushes at those thoughts while the same shop attendant who helped me rings me through. She helps me match my dress with a mask and some shoes. I’m distracted by the idea of Emma in a dress, but the shop attendant shakes me from those thoughts.

“Have a nice day, Miss.” The young woman hands me my bags and I leave the shop.

When I leave the store, the sun is starting to descend in the sky. I make my way to Zonko’s where I know I’ll find the rest of the gang. Sirius spots me and waves excitedly. Remus and James are in a deep discussion about the newest prank items. Peter is laughing quietly at a few girls in the corner.

“So what’s the deal with you and Vanity? You going to kiss her?” Sirius quips and I nudge him with my elbow. He’s joking but I know he thinks something is up.

“Fuck off, Sirius. You know her and I are just friends. Leave us out of whatever gross fantasies you think of in your spare time.” He’s still laughing, but I can’t help but to chuckle as well.

As the guys purchase their items, we talk about heading back to The Three Broomsticks so we can all share some butterbeer before the Hogsmeade outing is over.

We’re all seated and sipping on our butterbeers when James pipes up.

“Have you guys noticed that Lindy hasn’t been around lately?” We all think this is dumb for him to say since it’s been weeks since we’ve all hung out together.

“Yeah, pretty sure she’s joining the dark side!” Sirius says bitterly, but everyone is nodding in agreement.

“Lindy is just trying to explore different options in life,” Lily explains, “she’s told me that she wants to please her parents. School will be over in just two short years, and she won’t be able to defend her friendships with us for much longer.” We all hate the idea of this, but it does make sense. It’s not like most of us have to defend our friendships to our parents, and those of us that have to, we don’t care what our parents think.

“How could she hang out with those gits anyways? They’ve got no brains in their head anyways!” Sirius begins shouting, “and that Lucius? He’s not even good looking! Lindy deserves to be happy and hang out with us!” We all agree wholeheartedly. He’s starting to get riled up.

“Lucius Malfoy,” Sirius gags, “what does she see in him? He’s got long prissy silver hair anyways. She’s just confused! There’s no way she actually likes him.” He’s not happy with what’s going on, but he does seem passionate about it nevertheless.

  
  


“I just don’t know why she never said anything to us,” Remus ponders while he smiles sadly at Sirius and I, “it’s not like Lindy to just leave us without explaining things. She’s usually one to share what’s going on with me,” Sirius looks over to Remus with envy in his eyes. There’s pressure between the two young men but before anything can happen, we are interrupted.

“Oh, I think it’s time to return to Hogwarts.” We all notice the bell sound in the background as Lily mentions it. The guys get up, and they pay the waitress for our drinks.

As we’re leaving The Three Broomsticks, I notice Lucius and Lindy coming from the direction of the forest. She’s got a guilty and flushed look on her face, as if something happened between her and Lucius. Sirius also notices this and he leans in to whisper in my ear.

“You think they shagged?” He gags as he says this, which makes me chuckle.

“Probably! Who knows what kind of weird stuff she’s been getting into these days?” I tell him as we walk back to the castle.

Once we arrive, Remus pulls me aside and we let the gang give us a few moments. I’m confused as to what’s going on seeing as I thought Remus was still cross with me. 

He leads me down close to the lake, and we both sit on the grass. The air is cool and damp, and it feels like it may rain later on in the night. It’s chilly, but I love how refreshing it feels.

“Stevie, I really wanted to apologize to you about my behaviour a few weeks ago,” Remus starts off tentatively, “but I really was upset. I thought you and I had something together.” I look at him for a moment, and his beautiful green eyes are pulling me in. He looks like he’s trying to figure out how he’ll formulate his sentences.

“I should be the one apologizing. I agreed to meet up with you that night and I got distracted by someone else.” I tell him.

“I know that you might like Severus, but I just want you to know that I’ve felt differently about you for a long time.” He looks sad and rejected, but I reach out to him and give his hand a squeeze.

“I don’t know how I feel about Severus anymore,” I say to Remus as he sighs, “but I do know that I miss being your friend. I want us to be friends once again.” There’s a slight smile on his face that grows.

  
  


“As do I, Stevie. I just want you to know that I’ll never allow my emotions to come between us again.” I’m relieved that he wants to be friends, but I am worried that maybe a relationship between us won’t be happening.

I feel like maybe that ship has sailed after what happened between Severus and I in the shower that night, and that Remus could no longer see me as girlfriend material. 

There was a part of me that still felt like something lingered for Severus. It was like I couldn’t ignore the fact that I enjoyed what happened in the shower. It’s as if I couldn’t stop lusting after him. Whatever it was, it was purely physical. There was no romance involved.

Remus pulls me out of my thoughts with his following actions as he cups my face gently and plants a sweet kiss on my lips. Everything feels so warm and bubbly, and it’s almost like this kiss has made the air hot. I can feel my heart race and my palms get clammy. Remus moves his lips with mine as his tongue prods at my bottom lip.

He groans as I allow him access to my mouth and our tongues dance together. His hands rub my shoulders softly, and I lean into him. We pull away for air as we both smile.

“Maybe I’d like for us to be more than friends,” Remus remarks, “but I think we’d be best off to just start with restarting our friendship and not moving so fast.” He’s made a good point, but I long for him to continue kissing me.

“I think that is for the best as well,” I kiss him softly as he helps me to my feet, “I was wondering though, if you maybe wanted to go to the masquerade with me?” He ponders my question as we walk towards the castle. The sun has set, but there are still a few streaks of pink and orange glimmering.

“If we go together, it should probably just be as friends.” Remus answers with a wink. I grab his hand and we walk quietly inside the castle.

Remus and I part ways before sharing one last kiss. Remus seems so much happier, and I can feel my heart become lighter. There was no more animosity between us. We could forget our stupid fight.

I go down to the dungeons and find Severus and Avery talking in the corner. Emma is sitting on one of the couches and she’s doing her homework. Not surprisingly, Lindy isn’t around but this has been her mode lately. She’s been missing in action often, but I’ve been trying to ignore how changed my friend has become.

Sitting next to Emma, I see Severus glare at both of us. When I catch him, his face turns red and he continues to speak to Avery.

“How’s the homework going?” I ask Emma, and she looks up to me. She’s got a few textbooks open and a long piece of parchment laid out on the table in front of her.

“Ugh, this charms essay is so boring,” her eyes make their way up to me, “what are you up to? You look like you won a million galleons.” She laughs softly, and I feel like I’ve been caught with my hand in the cookie jar.

“Uhm, well, I asked Remus to the dance...and he agreed to it.” I tell her and her smile falters. She seems unfocused for a moment, but then shares the happiness with me.

“That’s great! So you two made up!” She sounds happy, but I can see a wistful look in her eyes.

“Yeah we did. I mean, we’ll be going to the dance together as friends, but I’m happy just to not be fighting with him.” I’m trying to read Emma’s signals properly, but she’s pretty good at keeping a poker face. There is something on her face that makes her seem a little disappointed though.

“I think I’ll probably just go stag,” her voice wavers a bit but she manages to keep it under control, “save a dance for me though, okay?” I agree to that and I bid her good night.

My dreams that night are filled with Remus taking me to the dance, and Emma spilling her drink all over Remus’ dress robes. When I wake up, I’m confused by what the dream meant, but I push it to the back of my mind as I figure it had no real meaning.

When I get to the great hall, I can see Lily and Lindy planning stuff for the dance, but I can also see James sitting with them. From a table across the hall, Sirius is sulking and he looks very angry. It’s like he wants to go talk to Lindy, but he knows it’ll just start something awful.

I decide to sit with him, and he tries to pretend like I’m not there. I can’t believe how childish he can be sometimes, but I can understand that he’s feeling lots of pain right now. The girl he’s liked for a long time now has decided to get new friends, and this includes leaving Sirius behind in the dust.

“Still won’t go talk to her, huh?” I ask, and he looks at me with sorrowful eyes.

“I just don’t see why James can sit with them, and I’m not allowed to.” Sirius’ voice becomes heated, and I worry confrontation may arise from this situation.

“Well, why don’t you go sit with them? It’s not like it’s forbidden!” I tell him, but he’s being stubborn.

“Lindy won’t talk to me. It’s just no use.” Sirius seems dejected, but I know that it won’t last too long.

“Just go talk to her, Sirius. She’s not going to bite you!” I challenge him and he gets up.

“You’re right, Stevie. I’m going to march over there and sit right next to her,” he starts walking up to the group, but in a twist of events, he chickens out and decides to sit next to some girl from Ravenclaw.

I’m appalled at his stubbornness, but I can’t help but to admire how suave he can be despite the fact that he’s brokenhearted. He starts flirting with the Ravenclaw girl and I can see Lindy glancing over at the two of them from time to time.

It’s not long before Sirius decides to ask the girl out to the dance, and I’m starting to think that it’s just because he can’t bring up the nerve to ask Lindy after all. 

Tensions rise as during dinner there’s a rumour going around that two students are fighting. I don’t think too much of it until I reach the great hall.

A shouting match could be heard from the great hall, and a lot of students had gathered near them to see the commotion. When I got there with the gang, we were all surprised to see how heated this argument was between Sirius and Lindy. The two of them were laying into each other pretty brutally, and they were both saying some things that were very hurtful.

  
  


“I don’t see how you can think you’re better than all of us,” Sirius shouts as he points to the gang, “you’ve changed so much.”

“I don’t think I’m better than anybody, Sirius. You just have your head so far up your ass, you can’t see how I’ve become more mature than you.” Lindy retorts, and you can see the pain on Sirius’ face.

“More mature? That’s rich coming from the girl who shagged Lucius Malfoy in the forest during the Hogsmeade outing!” There were gasps heard everywhere in the hallway. I was shocked that Sirius would result in saying something like this.

Lindy is beyond furious with Sirius at this point and she can’t even formulate a sentence properly because of how angry she is. There’s a stillness in the air, and no one says anything for a few moments.

“Sirius Black, you are a horrible person and I hope you never find love in your life!” Lindy yells as she storms off with tears in her eyes. I really want to run after her to comfort her, but I know it’s not a good idea right now.

James walks over to Sirius and begins to calm him down, but Sirius brushes past him as he too walks away from the crowd. I’m shocked at what I’ve just witnessed, yet I can bring myself to go comfort either one of my friends.

Sadness hangs in the air as I realize that Lindy has changed so much. It truly dawns on me that she is no longer part of our group.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Severus and Rosalind become more comfortable in their reluctant friendship. Lily and Rosalind have a tense talk in the library. The Halloween Masquerade doesn't quite go as planned.

“You can’t let that blood traitor speak to you that way,” Ronan growls at me when I get into the Slytherin common room. He’s followed me all the way from the Great Hall trying to talk me into going back there and hexing Sirius. I would be lying if I said the thought didn’t cross my mind. It would have certainly given me a great deal of satisfaction to make him barf slugs or make all of the luscious curls he is so proud of fall right out of his head. 

Still, I have to be the bigger person. He, and everyone else, has every right in the world to be upset with me. I know that all of this has been hard on them, but I had thought after everything at the hospital wing it would have been a clean break. Sirius deep down has a loyal heart, and I suppose I hadn’t anticipated this. My hope is that in the end, when I can finally tell them the truth it will all become more clear to them. 

“Come on, Sev,” Ronan says to Severus. “If she doesn’t want to take care of him, we’ll do it.” 

Severus doesn’t move, instead he watches for my reaction. In the last few weeks, he’s become quite a nice companion and seems rather eager to follow my lead. I grab Ronan’s arm before he can leave. He is strong and I had to put a great deal of effort into stopping him. When he finally turns to me, I stumble before steadying myself against the couch. 

“Leave it alone,” I demand. “Just leave it. He’s just jealous.” 

Stevie walks into the common room, upon seeing the commotion she rolls her eyes and walks up the stairs to the dorm. 

“Fine,” Ronan sighs. “But if it happens again, that blood traitor has it coming for him.” 

“If he does it again, I’ll take care of it myself,” I promise. 

I walk up the stairs to the dorms as well. Stevie is sitting on her bed reading a book. She doesn’t look up at me as I move to sit at the small desk between our beds. I begin working on my homework, trying not to mind the tense silence. 

“Did you fuck Lucius today?” she asks finally. There’s no kind of discernable emotion in her voice. It was as though she was asking me how the weather was or when our herbology reports are due. 

“No,” I answer, attempting to match her coldness. 

“Why didn’t you just tell Sirius that?” 

“Because it’s nobody’s business what I do with Lucius,” I retort.

The coldness in my voice is upsetting even to me, and it doesn't at all match how I feel on the inside. I wanted to be with Sirius. If things hadn’t changed so drastically, I would’ve abandoned all thoughts of courting Lucius for Sirius. The only thing I want is to be with my friends again. 

“I miss Lindy,” she says quietly. 

“I’m right here,” I roll my eyes. 

“You’re not Lindy anymore,” she shakes her head. “You’re Rosalind,” she mocks the smooth drawl in which Lucius speaks. 

“I know,” I say quietly. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

I shrug. She looks at me curiously, but doesn’t pry anymore. The more I change, the more they do as well.

It’s three days before the dance. Severus walks with me to Hogsmeade (with permission from Slughorn) to go pick up my dress from my mom’s boutique. We walk in relative silence. It’s a cold day, and I think most of our energy is put into holding our cloaks to us and trying not to crack our teeth from shivering. 

“I can’t wait until we learn to apparate,” Severus says as we near Cygnus Designs. 

“I suppose you’ll apparate everywhere,” I laugh. “Even if it’s just from the dorms to the Great Hall.” 

Severus laughs at this as well, “I just might do that out of spite.” 

My mother isn’t working at the Hogsmeade boutique today, so I’m able to just walk in and pick up my things with no problem. We head back towards the castle. Severus has to slow himself down so as to not leave me. 

“Rosalind, can I ask you something?” Severus says as we walk. 

“Of course,” I answer breathily. 

“Would you consider going to the dance with me? I know I’m probably not even your third choice,” he sighs. “We can just go as friends.” 

I stop walking so I can look at him. Despite my desire to do so, I resist the urge to try to interpret his thoughts. Instead I try to read his expression. There’s concern written in his features. It’s odd to me how differently I’ve been looking at Severus lately. Every twitch of his face in emotion is registered to me now. I used to think of him as a heartless bastard, but since reading his thoughts (accidentally) I realize there’s more to Severus than the Death Eater. It’s just so difficult to see it sometimes. He hides so well.

“Sev, I don’t understand why you want to go with me so badly. Is Lucius putting you up to this?”

He looks down at his feet. In most people I would take this as preparation for a lie, but with Severus I think it’s the opposite.

“He’s not putting me up to it,” he insists. “I’m asking for me.” 

“I’m gonna be so busy at the dance, it’s not even going to be fun for me. There’s no point in me having a date.” 

“I just think it would be a good idea for us to go together.”

“Why, Sev?”

He sighs, “Let’s just say if something were to happen, I would be able to keep you safe.” 

My eyebrows furrow, “Is something supposed to happen?” 

He sighs, “I don’t know, but just in case.” 

“For your information, Severus Snape, I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself.” I smile. 

“I don’t doubt that,” he insists. “But you need someone to have your back.” 

I shake my head, “I don’t need protection, but if it will make you happy I’ll go with you.” 

When we get to Hogwarts, I take my dress back to my dorm then excuse myself to go to the “library”. Really I left to go find Dumbledore. I find him just as he’s about to enter his office, and I’m able to get his attention. 

“Ms. Cygnus, what is all this about?” he asks as a few students pass by us. 

“Uh, sorry, sir. I just needed to discuss some last minute masquerade details with you,” I attempt to lie. Despite not seeming satisfied with my cover story, he still welcomes me to his office. 

“What’s happened?” he asks after we’re in the safety of his office. 

“I went with Severus to go to Hogsmeade to get my dress for the dance Saturday,” I begin. “And he asked me to go to the dance.” 

“How lovely, I am sure Severus is pleased to have you as a friend again.” 

“Pleased? He only hangs out with me because Lucius. Anyway, I think he’s anticipating danger at the dance.” 

Dumbledore sits pensively at his desk, listening to me spill my fears out onto his desk. He watches me carefully over the top of his half moon glasses. After I’ve finished my story, he gets up and walks around the desk. His eyes scanned the books on his shelf, although I don’t think he actually saw them. If anything it was just a focusing point for him. Out loud he wonders if the dance should be cancelled. I don’t say anything as I watch him stroll around his room. The only way we could prevent an attack on many students at once is to cancel the dance. Although I know all of the students would be disappointed if there was no party.

“What did you tell him?” he asks after a few moments. 

“I just said that I would go to the dance, and there should be nothing to worry about at the dance.” 

He nods, “That was probably a wise decision.” 

“Do you believe some students could be in danger?” I ask him. 

He sits back down at the desk, “It is quite possible. Or it could have been the bragging of an insecure boy.” 

“So, what should we do?” 

Dumbledore leans forward, “We will be on high alert, and you will stay close to Severus.” 

The library is a quiet escape from the chaos my life is. At the furthest corner desk I sit with a pile of books on Arithmancy so I can do research for my upcoming project. The only sounds are those of quills on parchments and the occasional turning of a page. I can breathe easily for once. 

I hear a chair across from me being moved, assuming it’s just someone here to study. I don’t bother looking up from my research. Notes continue being diligently scribbled until I hear someone clearing their throat. I look up into the soft green eyes of Lily Evans. She’s wearing blue jeans and a nice Gryffindor sweater. Her red hair is in a loose braid. It’s so easy to see why so many of the boys went crazy over her. She sits down across from me. Her eyes quickly scan the books I have in front of me. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” she says with a small smile. “I was just wondering if you were going to Slug Club tonight?” 

I laugh, “I almost forgot all about that again. I suppose it would be a good idea for me to go since I missed the last one.” 

“Your presence was certainly missed,” she agrees. “Especially by your brother. Slughorn must have asked a thousand questions about what happened to you when you passed out.” 

“Oh Merlin,” I shake my head. 

Lily looks down at her hands folded in front of her before looking at me, “What did happen? What’s been happening?” 

“Lily,” I sigh, “It’s just complicated.”

“We’ve been planning the dance together for a month, and you haven’t mentioned anything personal to me at all. Even after the fight with Sirius, we just went back to talking about confetti colors as though nothing happened.” 

“I’m sorry I don’t fall apart at the slightest hurt or insult,” I lean back against the chair. “I suppose I just happen to be good as self preservation.” 

“You remind me of Severus,” she says. “Becoming more secretive and defensive when called out on it.” 

“Lily, what are you suggesting?” I stand up, feeling flustered as I begin gathering my things. She stands as well. 

“You’re going down a dark path,” she says with her arms crossed. “But you don’t have to. You’ve got plenty of friends who love you and would take you in if your parents deny you, Lindy.”

I sigh, “I appreciate this concern or whatever, but Lily I’m fine. It just all got to be too much with the drama and the fighting. I just think I need to be away from it.” 

“But you’ve taken up with some rather dark people,” she looks down. 

“Look, I better get going,” I smile politely before leaving the library. 

My heart pounds, echoing in my ears as I walk back to the dungeons as quickly as I can. 

Saturday comes quickly. The whole school is buzzing about the dance. As the evening approaches, girls begin changing into their dresses. Boys take bets on which of them will get laid tonight. In the Slytherin girl’s bathroom, a few girls are piled in front of the mirrors fussing with their hair and make up.

I used a charm to french braid my hair. I place a few small flowers which coordinate with my dress in between each lock of my braid. It makes me feel a bit proud when I see a few of the girls looking at me enviously. It doesn’t require much effort for me to feel comfortable in my makeup. 

When I go up to the common room, I find Severus waiting for me. He’s wearing a nice pair of dress robes, and I wonder for a moment if Lucius provided them. Severus does look surprisingly handsome in them at any rate. His long black hair falls to his shoulders. The mask he’s holding to him has the ears of a bat, and even has ornate jewels to resemble fangs. He holds it over his face when I approach him. He smiles when he sees me, and I’m surprised by how warm my cheeks feel. 

“You look beautiful,” he almost looks surprised.

“Thanks, Sev.”

“You’re welcome,” he smiles. 

He holds his arm out for me to take it, and we walk towards the Great Hall together for the dance. The lighting in the Great Hall has taken on a purple and blue effect as a slow song plays. Most students are on the dance floor already, taking advantage of the chance to be close. I spot Sirius with a Ravenclaw named Samantha Waters. It’s difficult not to feel a little jealous of the way he’s got her so close to him, a seductive smile playing on his lips as he looks at her. It’d be easier if I could at least say she’s not that pretty, but she is. She’s tall with smooth blonde hair that falls down to the small of her back. She’s got the perfect body to pull off the skin tight, glittery number she’s chosen. Her mask is large and ornate, like a butterfly. 

“Do you want to dance?” Severus asks me shyly as we walk towards an empty table. 

I nod, and he leads me out to the dance floor. We stand face to face on the dance floor. I’m aware of a few pairs of questioning eyes on us. I ignore them. 

“Is that okay?” he asks as he places one hand on my waist, the other intertwining with my right hand. 

I nod as I place my left hand on his shoulder. We’re perhaps the only couple on the dance floor abiding by the rules of personal space, still it feels like we’re strangely close. We begin swaying slowly as we try to find the rhythm of the music playing. He doesn’t look at me at first, instead he seems to focus his eyes on the floor between us. 

“So who do you think will get kicked out for trying to spike the punch?” I ask, attempting to ease him. He slowly raises his eyes to look at me, and I do immediately understand why he’d been looking down. Dancing just seems to naturally have an odd intimacy to it that hangs an awkward air between us.

“Most likely Potter,” Severus sneers. 

“My money is on Amos Diggory,” I comment. Although I really suspect Sirius will try. 

“He’s head boy,” Severus argues. 

“Exactly, he’d naturally be the least expected to do it.” 

He shakes his head and laughs. The song ends, and he seems eager to get his hands away from me. A strange look crosses his features. The next song the band plays is more upbeat, and he stands awkwardly while I dance. Delilah Greengrass, who has come to the dance with a seventh year Slytherin who seems to be even more awkward than Severus, begins swaying along with me. We laugh with one another as we make fools of ourselves. 

When that song ends, Severus offers to get me a drink so I go sit down at one of the empty tables. I take in the sights of the dance. Stevie, Remus, and Emma Vanity dancing in the middle of the dance floor. James, Lily, and Peter all bounce around while Sirius clings to Samantha. He’s whispering something (I assume it to be filthy) in her ear. It’s good to see them enjoying themselves so much. I feel so proud of myself and Lily for having put all of this together for my fellow students. Delilah comes up to the table and sits next to me. Her date goes to get two drinks as well. 

“So, Severus Snape, huh?” she asks me. 

“Oh yeah,” I nod. “We just came as friends.” 

“That’s nice,” she smiles. “It’s just odd is all.”

“Why is that?” 

“I could’ve sworn I saw Lucius Malfoy earlier,” she explains. “I just assumed he was here to come to the dance with you. He was wearing fancy looking robes.” 

My heart pounds, “Oh really? I haven’t heard from him actually.” 

“Oh well,” she shrugs. “Perhaps I was mistaken.”

Severus comes to sit next to me, and he places a glass of punch in front of me. His eyes scan the room before settling on me. 

“Are you okay?” he asks me, I realize for the first time my lips are drooped in a frown. 

“Yes,” I shake my head, and paint the smile back on. “I just got lost in thought for a moment.” 

Sirius and Samantha stumble off the dance floor. Sirius and I make eye contact, causing the smile on his face to falter. I quickly look away from him, now trying to find Dumbledore. I spot McGonagall in a corner swaying happily to the music. Slughorn and Flitwick are talking among themselves while drinking. I know Dumbledore had been present earlier in the night. I can’t imagine him not being here. 

Severus nudges me, and I look up to see Sirius approaching our table. He’s hand in hand with Samantha. I turn to face Severus, about to ask him if he wants to go dance or something. Before I can the couple is standing beside us. Samantha wears a confident smile as she leans against Sirius. 

“Your dress is gorgeous,” she says to me. “And I love the way you fixed your hair.” 

“Thank you,” I smile sweetly. “Yours is lovely as well.” 

Sirius looks disappointed, as though he expected a catfight. 

“So, Snivellous, how’d you get so lucky as to have Rosalind Cygnus as your date?” He asks, “I hear she’s quite a social climber, and you just seem as though you’d be at the bottom of the ladder.” 

“You’re a swine,” Severus growls. 

“Sirius, just leave it alone,” I beg. 

“Oh, I get it! He's approved by your boy, Malfoy! That makes sense,” Sirius chuckles. “Obviously you couldn’t bring your Death Eater boyfriend as a date.” 

“For your information, Severus is my friend. So we’ve come together so we can both have a good time, which I’m afraid you’re attempting to ruin.” 

Sirius raises an eyebrow, “I’m having a great time.” 

“Samantha,” I turn to look at her. “You’re so beautiful, and I hope that you make Sirius happy and teach him some manners. I know they say you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but I do hope you can try.” I stand up. Severus, surprisingly follows my lead. “Let’s go dance, Severus.” 

We walk towards the dance floor. I’m aware of Sirius watching us, James carefully watches him as well. Delilah Greengrass follows me to the dance floor, giggling. 

“You’re such fun,” she exclaims. “Such drama!” 

I shake my head with a smile as she begins dancing again. She pulls me to her and with our hands intertwined we begin jumping around. I’m just beginning to feel my troubles disappear when the song abruptly ends. Everyone pauses, and I find that Severus reaches down to take my hand. A bright light flashes in the room. I stop in my tracks as I look up to see Voldemort’s Dark Mark stretching across the roof of the castle. Screams begin echoing throughout the hall, Dumbeldore and McGonagall run towards where the spell came from. Lily’s voice can be heard trying to calm the students, and I attempt to do the same but Severus pulls me back. It’s still dark, and the lights are flashing as though the dance is still on. 

A curse flies towards Dumbledore, which he deflects with ease. I flick my hand to brighten the lights. Three black robed Death Eaters stand in the middle of the Great Hall. Two wear masks, but one doesn’t. Bellatrix Lestrange stands on top of one of the banquet tables with her wand raised. 

Sirius and James rush forward with their wands drawn. Each of them shooting curses and spells at the dark trio. Dumbledore and McGonagall cast a ward around all of us students which prevents Sirius and James from going any further. Delilah Greengrass holds onto my arm in fear. 

“What are they doing?” she asks me. 

“I have no idea,” I answer. I take a step forward, one of the Death Eaters looks at me. There’s something odd in Severus’ eyes as he moves to stand slightly in front of me. 

“We are here to deliver a message from The Dark Lord,” Bellatrix’s voice sounds like broken glass echoing through the hall. “He is watching. Already he is choosing who he will choose to join him, and who will die.” Bellatrix shoots a curse at the ward, causing red cracks to shine along the silver shield. “Take this as a reminder that even in the walls of Hogwarts, you’re not safe from him.” 

The three of them disapparate in clouds of black smoke. I pull my hand away from Severus. A few moments of silence pass before Dumbledore turns to address us. 

“Prefects, please ensure everyone makes it back to their houses.” 

I make my way to the middle of the room where I begin gathering Slytherins to return to the dungeons with Ronan’s help. The other prefects follow our lead. Severus continues to follow me, much to my annoyance at this point.. 

As everyone returns to their houses, an odd mix of fear and sadness permeates the air. 


	15. Chapter 15

The night of the dance was finally upon us, and I was feeling antsy. One on hand, I couldn’t wait to go dancing with Remus and Emma but on the other hand, I was worried I’d run into Lindy and things might get awkward between us. Despite the fact that I know I’d be avoiding her tonight, I would hate for us to have to interact with one another due to the fact that I wouldn’t even know what to say.

I try my best to not run into her as I get ready with the rest of the Slytherin girls. The bathroom is quite packed with gossipy teens, and it’s quite irritating. We’re all trying to put on our makeup and get our hair just right. Even though I’ve done my best to distance myself from Lindy, she is right there in the bathroom with me, just mere feet away. We exchange a glance as we’re both so done with all these annoying girls trying to get their hair and makeup just right.

Eventually I’m able to get in front of the mirror, and I do a very sultry smokey eye and dark vampy lip color. As for my hair, I decide for some wavy beach curls. Once I’m pleased with my appearance, I push past the rest of the girls.

The common room is packed with people rushing to get ready and others who are dressed up very nicely. I spot Severus who is looking very handsome, and he seems to be waiting for someone. There’s a twinge of jealousy that passes through my body as I wonder who he decided to go with. His eyes meet me and I look away as I prepare to head out of the common room.

I grab my mask, which resembles a crescent moon and is adorned with feathers, flowers and bows, and I leave the mass of students behind me. There is a slight calming quietness in the dungeon hallways and it soothes my frazzled nerves. I don’t let my jealousy consume me as I walk towards the Great Hall. Remus and I had decided on meeting at the doors to the hall. 

I’m breathless when I see Remus in his black and scarlet dress robes. His hair is tidy and kept out of his face, and when he finally spots me, his smile is bright and gorgeous.

“You look amazing.” I tell him as I flatten a lapel on his dress robes. He raises his mask to his face, and I have to hold back a laugh when I realize that it looks like a wolf.

“Very fitting,” I smile up at him and he chuckles, “you look so handsome, Remus.” There’s a slight blush on his cheeks as I keep complimenting him.

“You look dazzling, Stevie.” Remus says as he takes my hand in his and we walk into the Great Hall. His eyes wander as he takes in the sight of me in a dress. He’s clearly pleased with what he sees and he’s almost muttering to himself about how lucky he is.

  
  


If I were still friends with Lindy, I’d tell her how beautiful her decorations were. The hall was exquisite and it was such a fun motif. The lights and colors are setting the mood and everyone else seems to be taken aback by the decor.

Not long after we come into the hall, Lily and James come up to us and we mingle a bit. I make sure to tell Lily that her decorations are lovely, seeing as Lindy and Lily worked on them together.

“Thank you! Lindy was a good help too,” she notices my grimace when she mentions Lindy, “let’s have some fun tonight!” We cheer and walk towards the dance floor.

There’s a fast beat song playing and we’re all dancing wildly. Remus and I twist each other around the dance floor and we’re laughing at how much fun we’re having. It feels so good to be with my friends and not have to worry about the drama and fights that have happened lately.

The song ends and we’re all breathless and grinning. James and Remus leave to get Lily and I some punch. I’ve got a strong suspicion that James will spike the punch, and Remus probably won’t stop him either.

“So, you think James is going to spike the punch?” Lily asks as if she has read my mind.

“Oh there’s no doubt about it.” I tell her as the guys return. James winks at me and Lily as he downs his small cup of punch.

I start to sip on mine and it’s obvious James spiked it, when I spot Lindy and Severus entering the hall. A slow song begins and the lights turn to a blue and purple tint. I can’t believe that Lindy would agree to go to the dance with Severus. I feel the jealousy creep up on me and I just wish I could get away from this dance for a moment. Something tells me that Severus might have asked her to the dance just to get a rise out of me, or maybe Lucius Malfoy had put them up to this. 

The saving grace of this moment is Emma Vanity, who looks amazing in the powder blue dress I saw her try on in the store. Her mask looks like a snowy owl and it matches her dress in color and design.

She walks up to Remus and I and smirks at us. Emma is breathtaking and my heart races as she comes closer. I’ve never seen her look so feminine in this way.

“Hello Stevie. Hello Remus. May I steal the lady for a moment?” She directs her attention towards my date.

“Uhm, sure I guess so.” Remus looks over at me with an eyebrow raised. I give him a reassuring smile as Emma whisks me away to a quiet empty hallway.

She looks around to make sure we’re alone, and once she’s satisfied with the lack of people around, she leans in to kiss me square on the lips. I’m surprised to say the least but I’m also very pleased.

When she pulls away there’s a slight flush on her face. I smile softly at her and she giggles. We’re both at a loss for words for a few moments.

“So, that was nice.” I say after a few more moments.

“I’m sorry, Stevie. I couldn’t keep myself from kissing you. I’ve been wanting to do that for a little while now.” Emma explains and I grab her hand.

“I really appreciate you so much, Emma. I’m just not really sure how I feel at this point in time,” her smile falters slightly, “but I don’t want this to ever end our friendship.” We lean in for a hug and she kisses my cheek.

“Stevie, I just want you to know how amazing you are. You are so strong and so kind. You deserve the world. I never wanted my feelings for you to come between us as friends.” She cups my face and pulls me in once more for a chaste kiss.

I can’t help but feel like her kisses have awakened something inside me. I never thought about my sexuality in this way, but it was an eye-opener. Girls have always seemed soft and cute to me, but Emma was something different. She didn’t let people tell her who to be or what to do. She always tried to do the right thing and to speak her mind as often as she could.

“Thanks for being my friend, Emma. This will not come between us ever.” I tell her as we start walking back to the hall. I’m sure Remus was anxious to continue our date.

We spot a few shady looking students in dark robes and odd masks in the hallway, but we don’t think too much about it considering we were at a masquerade dance.

When we get back in, Emma bids me goodbye and I return to Remus. That’s when I see Sirius and his date walk up to Lindy and Severus. This causes James to pop out behind me and whisper in my ear.

“The bloke has gone mad, hasn’t he?” James snickers and I turn around to face him. He seems sloshed and I can tell he’s had quite a few cups of the punch.

“It doesn’t seem like a good thing for him to do,” we all watch Sirius and Samantha talk to Severus and Lindy. James is laughing at his own comments, and Remus and I are chuckling.

“No, Sirius seems like he’s leading himself into heartbreak.” Lily says in a sad tone, and I’m really worried for our friend. Samantha and Lindy are hitting it off pretty well, and I decide to stop watching this scene.

“Let’s go dance.” I drag Remus off to the dance floor. The song is upbeat and fun, so we start dancing around like children and we’re laughing. I’m having the time of my life and everything is well when the music stops playing and there’s a slight hum in the air as everyone is wondering what’s going on.

Suddenly, a loud crack is heard and the Dark Mark is seen stretching over the ceiling. I grasp Remus’ hand as we’re both shocked to see this unfold. There’s lots of panic in the air as a few prefects start to struggle to keep people in check.

Dumbledore and McGonagall move towards the source of the mark and Lily attempts to corral students and tries her best to comfort them amidst the confusion. Remus moves away from me to join her in trying his best to assure the younger students. 

It becomes apparent to me that the dark-robed masked students I had seen in the hallway earlier were a trio of Death Eaters. Two of them were masked yet Bellatrix had decided to ditch hers at some point, revealing her contorted face. She always seemed so terrifying and insane.

She stands on top of a table with her wand raised, and I can see Sirius and James march closer to her with their own wands ready. It’s not long before Dumbledore and McGonagall cast a spell to ensure that no one comes any closer.

The trio of Death Eaters seem pleased with their act as everyone is panicking and trying to shield themselves from them. Bellatrix begins a hate filled speech about not being safe even in the walls of Hogwarts. There’s a cold front in the air as she speaks and it leaves everyone feeling unsafe.

It’s not long after her speech that they disapparate in a cloud of black smoke. No one says anything for a little while until we hear Dumbledore tell the prefects to ensure everyone gets to their dorms safely. In the sea of people, I see Severus and Lindy holding hands. Even while in the midst of shock, I can feel my rage and envy rise. How is this the most important thing to them while this is going on?

  
  


I take a moment to make sure I wasn’t imagining what just happened, and when I finally compose myself I walk towards where Lindy and Ronan are leading the students to the dungeons. I don’t even get the chance to make sure my friends are safe.

As I manage to make my way into the common room, I can still see Severus following Lindy which is just making me go crazy. This is ridiculous! I never thought out of everyone that they’d become a couple, considering Lindy had some strong feelings for Lucius Malfoy.

I take a few deep breaths as I walk up to my dorm and try to relax after such a roller-coaster of a night. When I get to my bed, I grab a towel and a bathrobe and hope to be able to sneak off to the showers. Once I get downstairs to the common room, I’m successful in my secret mission and I wash up quickly before anyone notices I’m missing.

When everyone is sleeping or pretending to be sleeping, I find myself tossing and turning. The events of the night come back to me and I think about how I reacted. I should have had more courage like James and Sirius, but I am meek sometimes. I get scared sometimes.

I wish I had been daring during the encounter and not just stood there in shock. It made me think that maybe Dumbledore had made a mistake when he asked me to join him and others to revolt and fight against Lord Voldemort and the Death Eaters. I didn’t feel ready for this, but I knew it was the right thing to do at the end of the day. 

My sleep was terrible and when I woke up in the morning, I felt terrible and melancholic. I just wanted to go for a long walk away from everyone, but I didn’t want anyone to worry about me.

When I get to the table for breakfast, Peter and James are discussing what happened last night. Remus has his nose in his books as the transfigurations exam is coming up closely, and nobody studies more than Remus other than Lindy.

Lily and Sirius are silently eating and I decide to join them in their silence. No one says anything for the remainder of the meal, so I decide to just get up and leave. Yet, something within me decides to ask Sirius to hang out. I wanted to ask him what made him so courageous last night.

“Sirius, do you think we could talk for a second?” He’s surprised by this but he doesn’t say no.

“Sure, let’s go outside.” He replies and we walk out of the castle and down to the quidditch pitch. We sit down in the grass and allow ourselves to soak up the sun despite the cool breeze in the air.

“What did you want to talk about?” Sirius asks as he pulls a pack of cigarettes from his robe pocket.

As he lights up his cigarette and hands one to me, I think about how I’m going to do this. I know that Sirius leans towards the good side and he isn’t very neutral, but I do feel like he would be a good recruit.

“Sirius, do you hate Lord Voldemort and the Death Eaters?” I ask as I take a drag.

“More than anything, Stevie. Why do you ask?” There’s something in his eyes as he answers. It’s hate and a want to stop all this madness.

“Would you do everything in your power to end this fight? Would you give your life to defeat the dark lord?” He’s curious now, but he’s not leaving.

“Of course, you know this already! Now what’s going on?” Sirius is becoming impatient.

“Sirius, I’ve been tasked to recruit goodhearted people for a cause that is so noble that I feel that you’re the best person to ask.” I say in one breath.

“Just spit it out already!” Sirius shouts and we both laugh.

“Sirius, will you join the fight against Voldemort? Dumbledore has asked me to recruit someone I trust.” Sirius smiles at this.

“You trust me?” He asks in a way that makes me regret my decision.

“Yes, I do. I feel like you and I are both motivated for something like this, especially since we’ve both lost a friend that is very dear to us.” I explain as we both snuff out our cigarettes.

“Yeah, you got that right…” Sirius is bummed out by this, but I can still see the fire and passion in his eyes.

“Even if Lindy...I mean Rosalind, has changed drastically, doesn’t mean we shouldn’t fight for what’s right. I think that we can become very good assets to Dumbledore and to what will unfold next.” We both sigh and Sirius gets up.

“Okay, I’m going to accept this. I don’t want to do this for anyone but myself. I know what’s right, and those wankers need to go down!” Sirius is getting heated and I love how passionate he is.

“I agree, especially after that shit they tried to pull last night!” We start to walk close to the castle.

“You know, I think I saw Lindy winking at me earlier.” Sirius says as I look over at him.

“What? No way. She’s not the same person anymore. Are you sure it was directed at you and not at Severus?” I ask him.

“Snivellus? No fucking way she would wink at that wanker!” He quips proudly.

“Well, she did go to the dance with him.” I mention and he grumbles.

“Don’t even remind me. I don’t know how she could see anything in Snivellus. It was bad enough when she was with Lucius, but now she’s got both of them wrapped around her finger!” Sirius has never liked Lucius and it often shows with the words he uses to describe him.

“You just don’t like him because you want to be wrapped around her finger.” I tell him and he scowls. I don’t think he likes to be told that he’s in love with Lindy.

“Shut up! Let’s just try to figure out what happened last night.” He’s grumpy now but I know he’ll forgive me momentarily.

Sirius and I think about last night’s events as we’re about to enter the castle. This is weighing heavy on both of us as we’re both wondering if Lindy had anything to do with this. I know that Sirius doesn’t want to think about that, but we can’t help but feel that maybe she had let the Death Eaters into the castle with the help of Severus and his cronies.

“If Lindy had anything to do with this…” I interrupt Sirius by placing my hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

“I don’t think she did, but let’s not think about that. Let’s think about the good we can do together. I’ll let you know if something else comes up, but I need you to keep this to yourself for now.” I tell Sirius and he rolls his eyes.

“Yeah yeah...I won’t tell anyone. I promise.” He says in a sing-song voice and I immediately feel like I’ve made a mistake in telling him.

“I’m serious!” I exclaim.

“What a coincidence, so am I.” He laughs at his own dumb joke.

“Sirius, please don’t tell James. Or Remus and especially not Peter. I think Dumbledore has plans for them, and he’ll tell them in due time.” I plead with him as I stick out my little finger.

“Okay, I promise I won’t tell them.” Sirius links his little finger with mine in a childish promise, but I know he won’t tell.

When we part ways, I’m accosted by Severus Snape, who does not look pleased with me. I really wish I would never speak to him again, but there is a part of me that is pleased. My feelings for him were very mixed as I had thought I was done with him, but it would seem that I couldn’t escape my obvious arousal for him. If I hadn’t known any better, I would have thought that he had slipped me a love potion. Yet, I knew I would not be feeling this way had it been a love potion. This was purely carnal lust.

“What were you and the blood traitor doing outside?” He snarls at me.

“What does it matter to you? You aren’t a prefect.” I spit out at him venomously.

“No but Lindy is and I’ll tell her that you’re outside with that bloody dog doing something against the rules.” Severus is being very sassy, but I can’t help but feel angry myself.

“Like what?! Having a chit chat between friends?” I ask sarcastically while rolling my eyes.

“I can smell cigarette smoke on you.” He says and I knew that if Lindy and I were still friends, she wouldn’t care. Except, Lindy and I aren’t friends anymore and I’m worried she might get Sirius and I in trouble. I try not to let it show on my face and I put up a courageous front.

“Who cares? Grow the fuck up, Severus. I don’t know why you’re so jealous when you had your way with me already.” I whisper in a low voice. I don’t want him to tell Lindy but I don’t want him to bully me.

“Oh how could I forget that night?” Severus smirks, and I feel a cold shiver run up my spine. I couldn’t tell if I was disgusted or aroused.

“Severus, just fuck off.” I storm off before I can figure out whether or not I wanted to fuck him or punch him. It made me so furious that he would act so pompously like this.

The once shy and reserved boy who hid everything was now acting like the biggest jerk in the school and somehow, I kind of liked the way he bossed me around.

Would this get in the way of my noble cause? I knew I had to stay away from him considering our paths were diverging and it would not end well if I continued to pursue what could have been between us. There’s a small sadness that grows inside me, but I know it’s right to let him go. He’s not good for me, and besides, I thought he had been with Lindy last night.

I push this sadness deep inside me until I no longer feel it, and with my head held high, I walk off towards the library with feelings of pride. I could finally distance myself from Severus for good.


	16. Chapter 16

The morning after the dance, everyone is quiet. The prefects receive messages to have everyone awake and in the Great Hall by 8 AM. So, Ronan and I woke everyone up at 6:30. It takes until 7:45 for everyone to be ready. Delilah Greengrass still arrives at the Great Hall at 8:10, which causes Dumbledore to deduct ten points from Slytherin. Everyone cuts their eyes at her as she comes to sit next to me. Severus and I sat together as well, although I haven’t said much to him since we got back to the dungeon last night. The way he acted so valiant at the dance, even going so far as to grab my hand, just rubs me the wrong way. We had been having a nice time of course until the intrusion. Since then everything has been confusing. He just seems insistent on staying close to me.

At 8:15, Dumbledore steps up to the dias, and clears his throat to get everyone’s attention. 

“Good morning, students,” he places a hand on either side of the podium in front of him. “As I’m sure you’re aware, there was a disturbance during last night’s Halloween festivities. While we’re certain none of the perpetrators are current students at this school, we do have a reason to suspect they received help in entering the castle.” 

Everyone gasps as though it’s truly much of a surprise. My cheeks burn when I see Stevie, Sirius, and Lily look in my direction. 

“As such, we will be enforcing stricter rules pertaining to the security of the castle. The first rule being that the headboy and headgirl will no longer have the authority to grant students access to the castle past curfew. In addition to your house prefects doing their nightly patrols, they will also do bed checks. Your heads of house will also do random walk-throughs. Additionally, Hogsmeade visits must be made in groups, and your prefects will escort their houses to and from Hogsmeade.” 

Everyone lets out groans at the intense addition to our rules. I admit to not being exactly thrilled with the additions made to my prefect duties, but I definitely understand why Dumbledore feels they’re necessary. 

“Please rest assured, we are most concerned about your safety. We will act accordingly to find out who let these Death Eaters into our midst. Now, enjoy breakfast and the rest of your day. After breakfast, prefects may organize a Hogsmeade trip.” 

He retreats from the podium to sit beside McGonagall at the teacher’s table. With a wave of his wand, breakfast is served. 

“So, will there be a Hogsmeade trip today?” Delilah asks me. There’s a hopeful look in her eyes. 

“If enough people want to go I suppose we won’t have a choice.” 

Ronan, who has been sitting across from me nods in agreement before shoving a sausage in his mouth. Delilah giggles at him. I fix myself a cup of coffee and serve myself eggs and toast with strawberry jam. Severus eats rather slowly. 

“What a rag-tag group of traitors this is,” Sirius taunts us from the Gryffindor table. 

I roll my eyes, “Get over yourself Sirius.” 

He turns back around, and we all continue breakfast in peace. Right as I’m finished with my breakfast, Amos Diggory informs me that Dumbledore needs me in his office again as soon as possible. I feel Severus tense up beside me. 

“It’s probably just because I organized the dance,” I assure Severus. I don’t know why I bother with him, as there’s still distrust in his eyes. 

“If you don’t mind, Rosalind, I have to escort you,” Amos explains. 

“Alright, let’s not make a show of it. I’m ready,” I joke. 

I feel the eyes of my former friend group boring into me as Amos and I walked towards the exit. Sirius’ eyes seem to stay on me the longest. I can’t help but look back and give him a wink. 

“So, Amos, why is it always you?” I ask as we walk towards Dumbledore’s office.

“What do you mean?” he asks innocently. 

“Everytime I’m summoned to the headmasters office you’re always the one who informs me.” 

He shrugs, “I suppose Professor Dumbledore trusts me.” 

I nod, satisfied enough with his answer. It was really just a mild curiosity I had. The familiar griffin statue comes into view, and Amos whispers the password so I can ascend up the stairs after bidding him goodbye. 

Dumblefore is sitting in a cozy looking chair by the fireplace when I enter. Two cups of tea sit on the table beside him. I take a seat in the chair across from him. 

“You have quite good intuition,” he comments. “I should’ve known you would. We are very lucky nobody got hurt.” 

“Indeed we are,” I agree. 

“Did you help them get into the castle?” he asks me calmly. “I would understand if you had to, for a cover. I just need to know.” 

“I did not help,” I assure him. “I didn’t even know what their plan was.” 

He nods, I feel that slight tug in my head. I don’t fight him. I know he’s simply trying to confirm I’m not lying to him. 

“Severus was with you the whole time?” 

“Yes, sir,” I answer. I remember Severus grabbing my hand when the Dark Mark appeared, how he stopped me from lunging forward. That moment his tall frame moved to stand in front of me protectively. I feel my cheeks burn as I realize Dumbledore is seeing these memories as well. I attempt now to push him out of my head. 

“Sirius Black made quite a fool of himself I see,” he comments. “He is quite a passionate boy. With a loyal heart.” 

“He’s taking all of this quite hard,” I answer sadly. I look down at my hands folded in my lap. “I hate hurting him.” 

Dumbledore smiles sadly, “As I promised, when the timing is right things will be revealed to your friends. They won’t see you as a traitor forever.” 

I nod before taking a sip of the tea.

“In the meantime, I do want to apologize for how your dance was ruined. I know you and Miss Evans put a great deal of work into it.” 

“I don’t think that’s truly important,” I smirk. 

He shrugs, “You are still a teenager. These things will still be important to you on some level.” 

Suddenly a detail from last night enters my mind. My heart pounds as I recall Delilah saying she’d seen Lucius at some point. I’m disappointed that for a brief moment I consider keeping this fact to myself. However, I remember my true purpose. 

“Professor,” I begin. 

He raises his hand to stop me, “I already know. Just keep Lucius close to you.” 

After leaving Dumbledore’s office I head back towards the dungeons. Severus is waiting for me at the door beside the entrance with his arms crossed. He has a very stern look on his face. 

“I caught Sirius Black and Stevie Frost outside of the castle on their own,” he drawls. “They were smoking filthy muggle cigarettes.” 

“Can this wait?” I ask, just wanting to go back to my dorm to nap. 

“No, I think something ought to be done about this. Don’t you?” 

“Severus, nobody likes a snitch,” I raise an eyebrow, “Nobody.” 

He chews anxiously on the inside of his lip. His jaw tenses as his dark eyes fix on me. I feel him tugging at my memories and I push him out with ease since I’ve been practicing more diligently. 

“I don’t think Lucius would like it very much if I told him you were doing that,” I warn. It’s secretly thrilling to be able to hold Lucius over him. He narrows his eyes at me. 

“Lucius would understand-” 

“Just like he wouldn’t like it if he knew you held my hand last night. That you acted as though I was  _ yours _ to protect.” I pat his pale cheek, “Let’s just continue being friends. Don’t tell me how to do my perfect duties.” 

“You’re protecting them,” he accuses me. 

“I am not,” I narrow my eyes. 

“Then prove it,” he challenges. 

“Fine,” I huff. A side of me I’m not particularly fond of finds its way to the surface, “Go collect Stevie and Ronan. Meet me in the courtyard.” 

I march down the halls towards Gryffindor Tower. I find Lily and James sitting on the window bench by the stairs. James’ eyes widen as he sees me approaching. 

“Lily, I am afraid we have official prefect business to discuss. We need Remus as well.” 

“He’s in the common room,” James says. “I’ll go get him.” 

“Fetch Sirius as well,” I request. 

Lily raises an eyebrow, “What is all this about?” 

“Sirius and Stevie were smoking cigarettes outside the castle,” I say. “Cigarettes are contraband, which is grounds for at least detention. However, if we must I could take it up with the Headmaster.” 

Lily shakes her head, “I can’t believe this.” 

“Believe it,” I smile sarcastically. “Please meet us in the courtyard.” 

I turn around and go down the stairs. It feels as though there are two sides of me fighting for dominance. The fact that Severus fucking Snape of all people escalated me to this point is infuriating. I suppose this is my penance for thinking I had the upper hand on him. 

Stevie, Ronan, and Severus are already at the court yard when I get there. Stevie sits on the bench outside with her arms crossed, as she looks defiantly into the middle distance. Severus and Ronan stand nearby. 

“Severus was just informing me of the situation,” Ronan explains. Stevie looks at me for the first time. There’s unrestrained anger in her eyes, but perhaps a bit of betrayal as well. 

“Wonderful,” I remark. 

A few moments later, the rest of our anticipated company shows up. All three of them wear disgusted faces. Sirius walks right up to me until he’s merely inches from my face. I see Severus go for his wand, but I indicate for him to stop. 

“You really do have a good little guard dog,” Sirius taunts. 

“Have a seat, Sirius,” I indicated to the bench. “And I would like for you both to empty your robe pockets.” 

His eyes are swimming with deep emotion. He lets out a sigh, and his breath dances across my cheek. I remember a time when being this close would’ve led to a kiss. Now I can’t tell if he wants to kiss me or strangle me. Perhaps both. 

“Sit down,” I growl. 

He shakes his head and sits. Both he and Stevie empty their pockets. The offending cigarettes are discarded on the ground unceremoniously by Sirius. 

“There you have it,” Severus says pointing at them. “Contraband.” 

“Yes, it seems there’s the proof,” I agree halfheartedly. 

I’m disappointed to find that Remus and Lily seemingly hadn’t tried to get him out of trouble. Perhaps this was intentional. 

“So what? You’re gonna give us detention for something you’ve done multiple times?” Stevie questions me bitterly. 

Remus and Lily both nod, “We’re willing to look past their behavior this one time. As long as Sirius agrees to get rid of the cigarettes.” 

“No,” Ronan argues. “That will not do.” 

I look to Severus who has a rather pleased look. Sirius, of course, notices me looking at Severus. He rolls his eyes. 

“Of course,” he laughs. “You guys, she’s only doing this to show off for her Death Eater boyfriend.” 

Stevie looks at me now with narrowed eyes, but still says nothing. 

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I spit. “You broke the rules, Sirius.” 

“You’ve broken the rules plenty yourself. At least once for leisurely time by the lake” he reminds me.

My heart pounds as my mind scrambles to compartmentalize my thoughts. The way Sirius’ hands felt on me that day plays in my memory. I’d wanted him so badly, and unfortunately even as he insults me I still find myself wanting him. It’s difficult for me to focus on hiding these memories with all the emotions running through me. Still, I manage to push my feelings aside before anyone can pry. 

“Severus, perhaps it’s best if you leave now,” Lily says quietly.

Severus looks at her with a deep longing in his eyes that is quickly hidden behind his trademark sneer, “As you wish, Miss Evans.” 

He turns on his heels and heads back into the castle. We all wait patiently for the sound of the door closing so we know he’s really gone before we continue. 

“I suggest detention,” I say finally. “Perhaps next Saturday they can stay at the castle and help Slughorn rearrange the potions closet instead of going to Hogsmeade.” 

Sirius and Stevie both laugh bitterly. 

“I think that seems fair,” Ronan agrees. “And of course you have to get rid of the cigarettes.” 

“Detention seems harsh,” Remus says. 

“Perhaps we can let McGonagall and Slughorn handle it,” Lily suggests. “They’re not as biased.” 

“For your information Miss Evans, I am being completely unbiased. If we wanted to move for suspension we easily could,” I remind her. “One day of detention should be nothing.” 

I hope they both realize how much my knowledge of Sirius’ habits is coming into play here. Slughorn would likely rather spend his Saturday drinking brandy, so he would leave the two of them alone. This of course gives them an opening to escape detention. Besides, for Sirius the challenge of sneaking away to Hogsmeade would be more of a reward than a punishment as he likes nothing more than breaking the rules. Stevie would likely be right along with him. My punishment was a rather clever play, in my opinion. 

I look to Sirius, and all at once it seems to click in his head. His eyes light up, and I’m thankful that the loyal heart of his is still so determined to see the good in me. If it wasn’t for that, Remus and Lily would’ve fought detention without realizing I’m handing my former friends a gift. 

“I’m willing to accept detention if it gets us out of this awkward situation,” he says. Stevie agrees. 

“See,” Ronan shrugs. “It’s fair.” 

Remus and Lily reluctantly agree as well. Sirius is still eyeing me curiously as everyone agrees to move on with our days peacefully. Lily sets the pack of cigarettes on fire, and we all watch as it’s reduced to ash. As soon as the deed is done I turn on my heels to leave.

It’s not long before I hear heavy footsteps behind me. I turn expecting Severus, but instead I’m faced with Sirius. I turn around and try to walk faster, but his height gives him the advantage of wider steps. 

“Come on, Rosalind. Just stop,” he practically begs. 

I stop just outside the library with a heavy sigh, turning towards him reluctantly. In typical Sirius fashion, he stands as close to me as he can manage without actually kissing me. 

“So, what was all that about then if not to show off?” 

“It was just discipline, Sirius. Nothing more,” I sigh as he leans his face close to mine. “Nothing less.” 

“Lindy, please just tell me what’s going on. I can help you,” his voice is low. “You know there’s nothing you can’t tell me.” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I claim. 

He presses his face closer to mine until our noses are touching. Somehow, I find the strength to pull away from him. There’s a rejected look on his face as I slip away from him. 

“Enjoy detention,” I say with a small smile before trying to escape into the library. This whole interaction is causing tension to pool in my stomach, and my palms sweaty. Sirius has a way of seeing through my facade. 

He grabs my wrist, pulling me back to him with a smirk, “I know what you did, Lindy.” 

“I still don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lie. 

He leans against me. He presses a soft kiss against my lips. I nearly lost myself in the gesture. When I don’t immediately push him away, he deepens the kiss. He feels so warm and inviting, and he smells so wonderfully masculine. 

_ Like a forest after it rains.  _

I push him away. Shaking my head as I try to regroup my thoughts. He keeps his hands securely on my waist, determined not to let me get away. 

“Sirius, please-”

He tries to kiss me again, but I dodge him. 

“Lindy, you knew when you suggested detention with Slughorn it wasn’t much of a punishment.” 

I look down, “Sirius, we can’t do this.” 

“Just tell me you don’t love Lucius and that Severus Snape isn’t even an option for you.” 

“I don’t know what to say,” I lie. 

“Lindy, please. I promise if you just tell me the truth I will leave you alone. I’ll let you live your life however you want,” he pushes a curl behind my ear before allowing the tips of his fingers to trace my jawline. “I just need to know that you don’t actually believe the bullshit you’re portraying to everyone.” 

I let out a deep sigh as I weighed my options. His eyes are begging me to speak. He twirls one of my curls between his fingers. Sirius has always been so affectionate, and I’m surprised that hasn’t changed. 

“I don’t love him,” I admit finally. 

“And Snivellous?” he presses. 

“He’s a friend,” I say simply. “A reluctant one at that.” 

He pulls me closer to him, “Why has it been this way?” 

I put a bit of distance between us, “It just has to be.” 

Finally he releases his grip from me. I stand up straight now, and begin straightening my clothes out. 

“Do you love me?” he asks. 

“Sirius, don’t make this harder please.” 

“Do you love me?” he repeats.

_ Forest after it rains. Fresh baked chocolate pastries. Parchment. Sirius.  _

“Why does it matter now, Sirius?” I ask, fighting the quiver in my voice. Tears sting my eyes. 

“I just need to know it hasn’t all been a damn waste,” Sirius takes my hand. His fingers soothe over my palm. “All these years of us being so close have to have meant something to you.” 

“Of course it does. It meant everything to me,” a tear rolls down my cheek now. Sirius watches it with a pained look on his face. He reaches out for me, but I pull away from him. I can almost hear my own heart breaking. I speak again, but my voice barely is a whisper, “Sirius, you deserve to be happy. You deserve someone who will give you everything, but I just can’t. You need to forget about me, please. Just forget I ever meant anything to you. Forget we ever kissed. Please.” 

He doesn’t say anything or try to fight me as I completely separate from him. I take one last look at his defeated face before turning around to leave him standing alone. 

  
  



	17. Chapter 17

I was pretty upset with how Lindy decided to flex her authority onto Sirius and I when just a year ago she would have laughed something like this off and told the person who was snitching to shove off.

It came to me as a surprise when Lindy suggested Sirius and I would spend detention with Slughorn on a Saturday and we would be cleaning the potion cabinets and closets. It would seem she never really meant to discipline us. Maybe she was trying to show off in front of Severus and Ronan, but I knew her intentions weren’t cruel. 

Slughorn had the habit of drinking himself into a coma on Saturdays while the students were off to Hogsmeade. Most of us were aware of this and sometimes we’d use this to our advantage to sneak out in the night.

This was a relief to me because there seemed to be a glimmer of hope within my former best friend. I wanted so badly to believe that there was some good left in Lindy, but it was so hard to see this when she has changed so much.

  
  


I ruminate as I look over at Lily and Remus who are talking quietly, and I notice that everyone else has either gone inside the castle or is walking towards it. Remus and Lily smile at me in disappointment but I know they aren’t angry with me. Sirius seems to be long gone, which kind of worries me because I don’t want him to get into a fight with any of the Slytherins. He can be notorious for starting something after people try to tell him what to do.

“So, detention with Sirius on Saturday,” Lily says, “that’ll be fun!” We all chuckle at her comment.

“It could be worse. It could be with Gilderoy Lockhart!” I quip as we can’t stop laughing. This situation keeps getting funnier and funnier.

“Ugh, who could bother spending even five minutes with him? He’s so full of himself.” Lily rolls her eyes as she mentions this, and we’re all bursting into laughter once more.

I hold my stomach as tears roll down my cheeks, and Remus and Lily are both hunched over. We stay in our laughter fit for a few more minutes before we realize that we should be heading back in.

“I’m going to make sure everyone is alright and that Sirius hasn’t started a fight with the Cygnus twins.” Lily says as she sighs happily. Remus and I exchange looks but we let her go on ahead.

Lily walks away from us and we try to catch our breath for a moment. The air is cool and crisp, but the sun is warm. I look over at Remus and his eyes are glowing in the sun.

“We’re so mean sometimes,” I joke but Remus smirks, “I’m so glad Lily won’t tell anyone about how we just made fun of Lockhart.”

“Yeah, but he deserves it.” We both let out one last chuckle.

We start walking towards the castle in silence and from time to time, Remus glances at me. His hand finds mine and I give his hand a squeeze. His smile grows on his face as I lean into him as we get closer towards the building.

“I’m glad we’re friends again, Stevie.” Remus announces.

“I am too.” Our eyes lock in a heated look and he’s leaning closer. That’s when the door opens and Sirius is heading out in a hurry.

“Whoa! Mate, where are you going?” Remus calls after him, but Sirius pretends to not hear him. 

Remus chases after Sirius for a bit, but I stay back to allow him to find out what’s going on with Sirius. Sirius sits on the ground near the lake, and he picks at the long grass by a tree to distract himself. He seems greatly disturbed and depressed. At first, Sirius won’t give in and tell him anything, but he relents and allows the both of us to comfort him.

“Did I ever tell you guys that I really hate feelings? Why do people need to feel things?!” Sirius shouts while he fishes out a pack of cigarettes from a secret pocket in his robes.

Somehow this doesn’t surprise me as I know Sirius can be so clever in this way. It’s not the first time he’s charmed his robes to have a secret pocket to hide contraband. Once he had a frog in his charmed pockets that he threw at Severus to get a rise out of him.

Before he lights one up, he glances up at Remus who turns around as if to say, “I’m turning a blind eye to this”. Sirius sighs as he exhales his first puff. I sit beside him and he leans his head on my shoulder.

“Fuck girls,” he starts but then realizes I’m a girl, “no offense, Stevie.”

“That’s fine.” I tell him and I start to run my fingers through his hair in an effort to calm him down. I know he’s not feeling great, and I have a feeling it’s because of something that happened while Remus and I lingered outside.

“She’s such a cunt.” Sirius says as he exhales a puff of smoke. I know instantly that he’s talking about Lindy.

“What happened?” Remus asks as he sits on the other side of Sirius. We all take in the moment of silence before Sirius gets up abruptly. He tosses his finished cigarette in the lake and starts to leave.

“It’s no point in saying anything. She wants me to just forget her, so I’m going to do that.” Sirius says in a defeated voice. Remus and I share a look before we also get up.

We let Sirius walk back into the castle as his words hang heavy in the air. Did Lindy really tell Sirius to forget her? How could he even manage to do something like that? Even if he wasn’t irrevocably in love with her, we’ve all been friends since we were eleven. None of us would be able to forget a friend that we’ve known for so long.

“Why would Lindy say something like that?” Remus asks me as I shrug. I couldn’t even come up with a decent answer. 

We make our way inside as part ways as we both contemplate what could have truly happened between our two friends. Would this truly be the end of their friendship or could there be a way to get them to apologize to each other?

I’m worried about going into the Slytherin common room and running into Lindy. Part of me wanted to see her as hurt as Sirius was, but part of me knew that she would put up a front. She would never show her true feelings in front of Ronan and Severus. Since she’s changed, she’s been doing her best to keep up with appearances.

As I walk into the common room, there’s a cold feeling in the air as Lindy and Ronan look up from their studying and Ronan glares at me. I suddenly feel ashamed like I’ve done something terrible. I try not to let this bother me as I walk over to Emma who is sitting on the couch.

“So, how have you been?” Emma asks when she notices my stiffness in movements.

“I’ve had better days, Emma.” She gives me a soft smile and we sit in silence while the Cygnus twins get up and go on to do their prefect duties. This coldness would continue on during the week while I tried my best to continue on with my life as best as I could.

Ronan would not stop glaring at me throughout the week, while Lindy seemed so beaten down and depressed. There were bags under her eyes which suggested she wasn’t sleeping well, which I could confirm seeing as she was one of my dorm mates. I could often hear her tossing and turning in her bed, and while I wanted to make sure she was fine, I was still upset that she had bothered to get Sirius and I in trouble.

As for Sirius, he was depressed as well. He hardly ate and I could tell he wasn’t sleeping well either. While James tried his best to crack jokes and plan pranks to help Sirius feel better, Sirius would not laugh at the jokes or participate in the pranks. This was becoming very alarming because we all knew how much Sirius loved to wreak havoc on unknowing students and professors.

Our group tried the best to make sure Sirius wouldn’t drink himself to death, but he was becoming erratic and irate. He hated the fact that we were trying to care for him, and he wanted to be alone often.

This proved to be difficult on Saturday when Sirius met up with me to attend our detention. Once we got to Slughorn’s office, Sirius seemed to be a little more relaxed.

“Ah yes, Ms. Frost and Mr. Black. I’d like for the both of you to clean these cauldrons,” Slughorn starts explaining, “without the use of magic of course. Now, I’ll be in my chamber if either of you need me. I’m sure you’re both old enough to not need supervision.” Slughorn winks at us and I can’t help but chuckle quietly.

Sirius picks up one of the cauldrons which is caked with unknown sludge, and I pick up another one. We start scrubbing with cauldron cleaner and sponges. Neither of us say anything for a bit, and we’re actually working on getting all the cauldrons cleaned.

“Sirius,” I pipe up, “are you actually doing work?” I laugh and I can see a small smile on his face.

“Hardly.” We both giggle as we continue to focus on the cleaning. We don’t say anything for a couple more moments before Sirius finally says something.

“Stevie, do you think I’m a bad person?” I’m surprised at his question, but I look at him with a soft smile.

“Of course not, Sirius. If you were a bad person, I’d never be friends with you. We’ve been friends for five years now, and I’ve never thought anything like that about you.” I try to be as reassuring as I can seeing as this the first time in a week that he’s opened up.

He sighs and continues to scrub the cauldron, but suddenly, he places it on the table and turns to look at me. He’s determined but I can tell there’s still a lot of pain within him.

“Thank you. I really needed to hear that.” He smiles as he says this. I can tell that it was true. Sirius needed to hear some encouraging words at this moment, and I guess I was the person to tell him.

Sirius stretches as he gets up from the chair, and there’s a flame that flickers in his eyes. He’s planning something mischievous and fun. It was nice to see the old Sirius make an appearance this afternoon. He had been so down lately that it was like seeing a shell of a person.

“What do you say we get out of here and sneak off to Hogsmeade?” He suggests and I’m not even surprised.

“But what about Slughorn?” I ask sarcastically, knowing fully well that Slughorn had probably drank enough to pass out by this point. Considering the wink he gave us, I was convinced that Slughorn wouldn’t be too mad even if he did come investigate.

“Who cares about Slughorn?! Let’s go!” Sirius makes a break for it and I follow him while stifling my laughter. I was so happy to see Sirius do something fun for a change.

We dodge the watchful eyes of professors as we rush out of the dungeons. We’re doing our best not to get spotted as Sirius whips out a folded up parchment. I know immediately what it is. It’s the Marauder’s Map. The guys had created this particular map last year, which shows every classroom, common room, dorm and secret passageway in the school. Not only that, but it shows every person and ghost within the walls.

“I know the best way to get into Hogsmeade.” Sirius leads me towards the stairs near defense against the dark arts classroom. I can see the statue of the one-eyed witch and I know where this leads. Remus once mentioned it to me in passing last year when they were making the map.

Sirius pulls out his wand and taps the witch’s hump. I can hear him clearly say  _ Dissendium  _ and the hump opens just wide enough for one of us to go down at a time. Sirius goes first while I scan the area for people.

No one comes through the hallway, so I follow suit and descend into the witch’s hump. It’s so cramped and stuffy in this passageway, but it doesn’t take us long to reach Honeydukes.

We hear the sounds of classmates and shop workers above us as Sirius and I share a grin. We made it into the cellar of Honeydukes and no one caught us. I was sure that Slughorn was not going to be checking in on us at all.

  
  


“We made it.” Sirius says proudly, and I’m satisfied with our successful mission.

“Yeah but how are we going to go around unnoticed?’ I ask Sirius as he starts to contemplate. We think about what we’ll do next before we exit the cellar. 

Thankfully, none of our friends seem to be in Honeydukes at this moment, so we start to plan our path towards the Shrieking Shack. We know that no one will follow us into the shack, and we’ll have some time to relax while not having to worry about getting caught.

Sirius and I pretend to be spies as we dash from one wall to the next, and he’s got his fingers clasped together to mimic a gun. I think he’s been watching too many of those muggle spy movies, but I can’t help but to do the same with my hands. This is just so fun.

We reach the lonely pathway to the Shrieking Shack, laughing and snickering about the stupidity of what we had just done. As we look back one last time to make sure no one was following us, we enter the dingy shack.

Inside, Sirius leads me towards the cramped and dirty bedroom. I know this is where Remus usually stays when he has to transform, and there’s a sadness that lingers in the air.

“Poor guy, I can’t imagine what he must go through when he’s here.” I mutter and Sirius knows who I’m talking about.

“Yeah, he doesn’t deserve to live through that at all. Remus is such a good bloke.” Sirius says as he tosses himself onto the bed. I roll my eyes as he poses in suggestive ways.

“I can see why you like Moony. He’s quite the looker,” Sirius begins, “not as good looking as me, of course.” I smack him as I sit down next to him.

“Oh shut it! Remus is very handsome. I know he’s insecure about those scars, but I think he looks so sexy.” I can’t believe I’m telling Sirius Black this, but I don’t feel too embarrassed.

Sirius leans down to grab something from a very broken bedside table, and I just take in the scenery of the place. It’s so filthy and depressing in here. I wish I could be here with Remus when he transformed, but it was so dangerous for me to do so. He could potentially infect me or even kill me because he was not able to tell who was prey and who was a friend while he’s a werewolf.

I can hear the clink of a bottle being opened and when I look over, Sirius has a bottle of some sort of alcohol in his hand. 

“Oi, Moony lover, want some?” I roll my eyes at his name for me, but I grab the bottle and take a swig.

“We’re so going to be in trouble if we get caught.” I say but I’m not actually worried.

“You mean even more trouble than we were in? Yeah, probably. Who cares though? We’ll make it back in time, I promise.” Sirius assures me as he takes the bottle from me.

We both take our turns drinking from this mystery alcohol bottle that I feel was left behind for Remus so that he could get drunk before transforming. It’s not long before Sirius is buzzed and he starts dancing around the room.

“Moony and Stevie sittin’ in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-NG...Firs’ comes love, then comes marriageee…” He’s slurring off key but I’m entertained. It’s hilarious to see Sirius like this.

“Oh yeah, what about you and Lindy? Truly the real lovebirds in this school.” Sirius grimaces when I mention Lindy, but he doesn’t let it ruin his mood.

“What about her?” he hiccups, “she just wants to marry that wanker, Lucius Malfoy. At least he’s a good boy and listens to his parents, unlike myself.” He says as he sits next to me.

“I don’t think she wants to marry him. Sure, she might think he’s good looking and charming,” Sirius shoots me a dirty look as he takes another swig, “but I know she truly cares about you, Sirius.” Sirius leans against my shoulder and he inhales sharply.

“I just really love her, y’know?” This confession is the first one ever, but I knew he liked her a lot. It wasn’t too shocking to hear him say those words.

“I know that Sirius. Sometimes, the people we love aren’t who we think they are.” I try to explain, but he’s visibly upset.

“Stevie, I just want Lindy back to me. I want to hold her in my arms and tell her how much I love her and how I want to make her mine.” He sobs gently, but does not begin to cry. 

“Shhh...it’s okay. I know this and I know that Lindy still cares so much about you. She doesn’t hate you, no matter what happens. I know her, and she would never hate you.” I tell Sirius as I wrap my arm around his shoulder.

“She told me to forget her. How can I forget someone I’ve been in love with since I was thirteen?” My heart aches as he says this and I just want to take Lindy and shake her and tell her she’s being an idiot for ignoring Sirius and saying these things to him.

“Things will work out, I know they will. I don’t know what’s happening to Lindy, but one day, she’ll be back to us. We just have to be patient.” I rub his back in a soothing way and he starts to cry softly. I can’t help but shed tears as well as I hate to see my friend like this.

A few moments later, he gets up and wipes his eyes. Sirius grabs the bottle and finishes off the contents. He shakes the hair out of his face and finally is able to look me in the eyes.

“Thank you for this. I can’t tell James about my girl problems ‘cause he’ll just make fun of me.” We sit on the bed for a bit, and Sirius pulls out his secret pack of cigarettes. We both light one and plan on leaving as soon as we finish up.

“I can’t help but shake the feeling that something happened between Lucius and Lindy a few weeks ago in Hogsmeade. Just the way he was looking at us, with his pompous stride…” Sirius has become irate but he’s trying his best to keep his cool.

“I thought so too. She looked so guilty.” I take another puff as Sirius starts to imagine what could have happened between the two of them.

“Do you really think they fucked?” Sirius asks and I can tell he wants me to lie, but I feel like it would be wrong of me to lie to him.

“No, maybe not fucked, but definitely something along those lines.” I try to be as nice as possible about this, but I can tell he’s not happy.

“I fucking hate that asshole so much. What does he have that I don’t?” This reminds me of what Severus had said about Remus, and I could tell that Sirius had a real vendetta against Lucius.

“He’s manipulative, Sirius. He can charm his way into any girl's pants. Hell, he could charm his way into my pants...well, not really. But you get my point! He charms girls and their mothers and fathers, and they fall for that.” I try my best to explain Lucius’ manipulative ways, but Sirius is still angry.

“Fuck, I wanted to be the first one to be intimate with Lindy. I wanted to make her feel good, not talk her into giving me a damn blow job or whatever they did.” Sirius crushes his smoke against a steel pole, and we both get up.

“Don’t worry about it. Lindy is confused right now. You deserve her, not Lucius Malfoy.” Sirius seems somewhat satisfied with this and we head out of the dirty shack.

It’s not too late, and the sun is just starting to descend in the sky. I mutter a quick charm which masks our scents. I had the chance to read up on a few charms that changed people’s appearances, especially since Severus claimed he smelled cigarette smoke on us last time.

“What’s that?” Sirius asks.

“It’s a charm so we don’t smell like a bar. We’ll smell like parchment and quills so everyone will think we’ve been in the school this afternoon.” Sirius laughs at this and we start to make our way back towards Honeydukes.

Thankfully, we are not spotted by anyone we know, which I’m starting to find suspicious, and we are safely in Honeydukes. Sirius lifts the hatch for the cellar when I see Severus and Lindy outside. My eyes widen as I push Sirius into the cellar and he shouts out in pain.

“Ow! What you do that for?” He asks as I get into the cellar as well.

“I just saw Lindy and Severus coming into the shop! So we best be on our way.” I explain my actions as Sirius rubs his knee.

“Didn’t have to shove me down the stairs…” He mutters but we start our trek back to the castle.

While we walk back, I think about how much Sirius is crazy about Lindy. He was truly in love with her and I just wanted my friends to be together again. I wanted all of us to be happy and not have to worry about a war that was so frightening and huge, none of us could really stop it.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to heat up once Lucius and Lindy are reunited during Christmas break...

The weeks leading up to Christmas break are surprisingly quiet. Hogsmeade trips were not all that frequent due to the lack of freedom attached to them since the attack on Halloween. Things quiet down a bit in general. I’ve found a nice friend in Delilah. She’s easy enough to talk to since she could care less about the political skirmish taking over our lives. Severus has eased up on watching my every move, but we do frequently eat and study together. Surprisingly, he became more pleasant after I punished Sirius and Stevie for smoking. It seems to have proven something to him, and the attempts at stretching his ice cold presence into my mind cease altogether. 

From time to time I still catch Sirius looking at me longingly, but he no longer attempts to get my attention. None of them do. Stevie and I speak when necessary, which is hardly ever. Once she had to have my permission to go to the showers after curfew, and honestly I gave it to her with no questions asked. Life goes on. 

I’m excited to return to the warm comforts of home. Cygnus Estate sprawls along the shore, the waves used to frighten me as a child. It was Sirius, actually, who taught me to swim in them the summer I turned twelve. Since then I haven’t been so afraid of them. He’s always had a way of gently persuading me into facing my fears. I look forward to being able to reminisce on those times in the comfort of my own home. I can be alone with my thoughts for the first time in months. 

During the second week of December I have to go around to take a list of who all is staying at the castle for the holidays. This is one of Slughorn's few responsibilities , but he’s asked me to do it for him for the second year in a row. 

I go around in the evening as everyone is either in the common room or in their dorm. Stevie, Emma, and another fifth year named Anise sit on the couch in front of the fireplace. I ask them first, and every single one of them is going home. The process repeats multiple times, most everyone seems to be going home until I reach the spot where Severus, Ronan, Avery, and Mulciber sat. Avery and Mulciber were both going to go home, after telling me this they both go to the dorms. Severus is yet to decide. 

“Obviously, you’re going home,” I say to Ronan before turning to continue my little job.

After a few moments I feel a tug on my sleeve. When I turn around, Ronan is standing beside me. He has his hands shoved in the pockets of his jeans. 

“I’m not going home,” Ronan says quietly. 

I raise an eyebrow, “And why not?” 

“I just don’t want to.” 

Christmas has always been such an ordeal for my family. My mother throws a huge Christmas party every year, then we have a very big dinner on Christmas with our family. We both are showered in gifts and affection for two whole weeks. Ronan has always been especially fond of it. 

“Ronan,” I press on, “what is going on?” 

He shrugs, “I don’t know if you should go either.” 

“Why?” 

“Severus may be staying. He shouldn’t be alone,” he doesn’t look at me as he speaks. I know he’s lying, but I mark him down as staying anyway before carrying on. 

After taking a list of everyone staying at school for the holidays, I leave to take the list to Slughorn. When I get to his office, Dumbledore is there as well. I linger in the doorway for a few moments trying to catch bits of their conversation, but there’s not much going on. They briefly discuss the Christmas feast before moving onto talking about their preferred brandy. I feel confident in being able to announce my presence. 

I softly rasp on his door before being welcomed in by Slughorn. 

“Ah, Rosalind!” He greets me as I enter his office. “I noticed I haven’t been invited to that marvelous Christmas party your mother throws.” 

“Perhaps she’s not throwing it this year. She hasn’t spoken to me of it either,” the realization hits me that she hasn’t. Typically this close to the holidays she’s already planning our matching festive outfits. Dumbledore’s eyes seem to see through me for a moment. I feel that familiar feeling of being pried into. 

“What a shame,” Horace sighs. “Anyway, what’s brought you here?” 

I hold the parchment up to show him before laying it on his desk, “Only two staying from Slytherin this year.” 

“Severus Snape, well no surprise there,” Horace gives a strange look to Dumbledore. I suppose he meant it to be a pity. “And Ronan. My goodness, your brother is staying here?” 

“I’m as surprised as you are,” I explain with a shrug. 

“Perhaps he’s wanting some peace and quiet,” Dumbledore suggests. I sense he’s speaking to me more than Horace.

“There’s nowhere more peaceful on Christmas than Cygnus Estate,” I follow suit. It’s funny to me to be having a secretive conversation in such a way. 

Dumbledore nods thoughtfully. Meanwhile Slughorn seems lost. 

“Anyway, I should start my patrols now,” I explain. “Goodnight Professors!” 

I exit the office with a deep sigh. I begin walking down the corridors when I hear an odd shuffling sound coming from the stairwell. Giggles follow. I’m annoyed at having to deal with this so soon. I stomp towards the stairs in time to catch Sirius and Stevie trying to sneak away. A great deal of effort is required to not feel a twinge of jealousy and longing. 

“What exactly are you both doing?” I ask impatiently. 

“Ah, we’re going to get detention for sure now,” Stevie whines. 

“For sure,” Sirius rolls his eyes. I know his contempt is rather half hearted if all I get are two words and an eyeroll. 

“I’m disappointed in your lack of creativity,” I smirk. “Sirius, go back to your dorm. Stevie, come with me.” 

“What? No detention?” Sirius urges. 

“Not this time.” 

Stevie gives an apologetic smile to Sirius before walking back down the steps to follow me. We begin walking back towards the common room in an awkward silence. 

“We were just going for a walk,” she explains finally. “The snow looks so nice at night.” 

“I understand, but students aren’t allowed.” 

“Come on, Lindy. Drop the schtick please.” 

“It’s not a schtick, Stephania. It’s the rules.” 

“It’s an act, and a rather annoying one at that, Rosalind,” she retorts.

I stop walking, and she stops as well. She faces me, the animosity still present in her eyes. I have to be understanding. Dumbledore reminds me of this constantly when I feel like I’m going to crack under the pressure. I have to be patient because I know things she (and everyone else) doesn’t. 

“I don’t want to do this,” I say finally. “I don’t want this at all. Any of it.”

“Then why?” Her anger slips, revealing the hurt in her eyes. 

“Please don’t ask questions,” I shake my head. “It’s so difficult for me when everyone asks questions.” 

“There’s just so many questions,” she laughs. I laugh as well. 

“I know.” 

“I do want to ask you one thing,” she requests. “Just one question.” 

I sigh, “Okay.” 

“Sirius told me what happened and how you told him to forget about you and wouldn’t tell him if you love him.” 

“That’s not a question,” I look down at the ground. My palms are growing sweaty. 

“But why did you say those things?” 

As I speak, I choose my words carefully. It feels like the ice I’m walking on is extremely delicate, requiring the precision of a potions master, “Because he needs to forget about me. He needs to be happy and loved and if he had the hope of me admitting that my feelings for him persist he would never move on. You know that.” 

She nods, “Can I ask another question?” 

I let out a heavy sigh, “Only one more.” 

“What happened with you and Lucius in the forest?” she asks. 

I feel my cheeks burn as the memory slowly lifts to the surface, “Nothing.” 

She laughs, “That blush gives you away so badly.” 

“Come on, Stevie. We have a civil conversation for the first time in months and this is what you want to talk about?” 

“Well, the Lindy of yore would’ve told me immediately what happened!”    
“The Lindy of yore was an oversharer then.” 

“Did you fuck him or not? I’m just curious.” 

“No,” I sigh. “We just fooled around. I guess. It was very one sided.” 

“Merlin, Sirius was right!” she throws her hands in the air. “He manipulated you into fulfilling his disgusting needs.” 

“Actually, it wasn’t like that at all,” I crossed my arms, shocked by my sudden urge to defend Lucius. “Besides, Sirius is one to be worried about me being mistreated. After the way he berated me in the hallways that day, he’s lucky I didn’t give him detention for life!” 

She rolls her eyes, “Good talk.” 

Without allowing me a chance to respond, she stomps back towards the Slytherin common room. I want to crumble into a million pieces on the floor. Or even better, I want to ask someone to obliviate me. 

The ride from Hogwarts is thankfully quiet. I sit by myself in a compartment, and I’m able to reevaluate my thoughts. Some of my memories simply needed to be locked away forever. I’m busy compartmentalizing and refocusing my emotions for most of the ride. By the time I arrive at the station to be picked up by my Aunt Theo I feel much more comfortable. 

Just like me and my mother, Aunt Theo suffers from the curse afflicted by my grandmother. Although she has a much better outlook on the whole thing. She once told my mother that we should just be thankful that Astrid Mulster (their great-great grandmother who enacted the blood curse) was a beautiful woman. Theo typically she carries herself with a carefree ease I wish I could emulate, but she looks troubled today. She tries to smile when I arrive, but it comes out weak. 

“Is something wrong?” I ask her. 

“Not technically,” she smiles. “But I’ll let your mother explain it to you.” 

She arranges for my things to meet us at home, and then we disapparate from the station.

Lucius is already at my house when I arrive home. I hear his familiar, velvety voice coming from the parlor. Hearing his voice oddly lifts my spirits, and I begin to follow the sound. Aunt Theo stops me before I can reach the room. She shakes her head before pulling me into my mother’s sewing room. My mother is busy working on some sketches when we walk in. When we enter, she immediately drops what she’s doing to come pull me into a hug. 

“We can’t interrupt them,” Theo finally explains. 

“Who is ‘them’?” I ask. 

“Lucius, your father, the Lestranges, and the Dark Lord.”

My heart pounds as I look between Theo and Mum, “He is here? In our house?” 

They look to one another before my aunt moves to shut the door. My mother’s cold hands cup my face, and her abnormally light green eyes look into my matching ones. 

“He is,” Theo confirms again.

My mother sighs, “Your father is proud. Very proud. However, The Dark Lord has been asking questions about your grandmother and the curse. He’s very curious.” 

“Everyone is curious about that,” I remind her. 

“Yes, that is true,” she forces a smile. 

“We’re honored to have him here,” my mother says as though she’s reminding me. “We must be respectful.” 

After a few moments of silence I excuse myself to go to my room to settle back in. As I walk back down the hallways, the parlor door opens at the end of the hall. I turn around to see Lucius emerge from the room. His eyes light up when he sees me, he closes the door to the parlo before coming to me where I stand in the large front room of the house.

He pulls me against him, and places an eager kiss on my lips. I want to return his affections, but the conversation with my mother and Theo has gotten me a bit shaken. It’s taking a great deal of focus for me not to lose my focus. 

“Lucius, please,” I pull away with a laugh. “Let me breathe please.” 

He releases me and takes a breath, “Aren’t you happy to see me?” 

I smile, “Of course. But anyone could walk out and see us. I don’t know about you, but I’m not all that keen on my parents catching us snogging.” 

The parlor door opens, catching both of our attention. Lucius straightens up as someone begins walking out of the room. My heart pounds as my mind quickly deduces who this presence must be. 

Long black robes flow around a tall, thin body. The angular facial features look oddly distorted and waxy. Thin hair is combed straight back. Perhaps once he was a handsome man, but now every detail gives away the dark magic at work. Black eyes peer down the hallway before a practiced pleasant smile creeps upon his face. He approaches us in a series of languid strides. Rodolphus and Bellatrix Lestrange follow behind him. My father comes out as well. 

Voldemort walked right up to me with confidence as though I was the thing he seeked. I find myself frozen. Lucius’ silver eyes watch closely as Voldemort is close enough to where I can feel his cold breath on my cheek. A cold, pale finger soothes along my cheekbone. He gives a practiced smile as his eyes stay intensely locked with mine. I resist the urge to back away from the cold touch. 

"Ronan, you never mentioned your daughter was so pleasing to the eye" his voice is almost like a hoarse whisper. 

Bellatrix scoffs, "She's not that much." 

"Don't be jealous, Bella," he taunts her before turning his attention back to me. When he speaks again, I wonder if anyone else can even hear it, “I can see why Lucius thinks about you all the time.” 

“She is truly a beauty,” Lucius agrees. 

“Quite,” Voldemort agrees. “I shouldn’t be surprised.” 

“Thank, my lord,” I answer with an unexpected ease. 

“She’s an excellent witch,” my father says with pride. 

Voldemort’s hands finally stop tracing my face as he keeps that oddly misplaced smile, “Is that so?” 

“She was beating me in duels when she was still a third year,” Lucius compliments me. 

I smile as I remember all of the (prohibited) duelling contests that used to be held on the weekends. It had dawned on me pretty early on that it was a way for Lucius to find out who he would attempt to recruit. Still my competitive nature and desire to spend time with him had kept me participating. 

“I look forward to hearing more about your accomplishments,” Voldemort says. “And where is that brother of yours?” 

“He stayed at school for the holidays,” I explain shyly. “With Severus Snape.” 

“Ah, Snape. That is a brilliant boy,” he lets out a breathy laugh. “I understand the two of you are rather close.” 

Lucius’ jaw tenses up now and his grip on my hand tightens. I get the feeling that the discomfort of Lucius was exactly the goal of the Dark Lord. It’s doubtful he truly cares about these types of petty issues, but the control it gives him over people must please him greatly. 

“I suppose the absence of your brother gives me time to get to know you,” Voldemort says finally. “I can learn more about how brilliant you supposedly are.” 

I can see the panic in my mother’s eyes but still, I can’t pass up the opportunity to get close to him. It’s what I assume Dumbledore would want me to do. 

“I look forward to sharing that with you,” I smile graciously before bowing to him. 

Lucius leans leisurely across my bed. He watches as I unpack some of my trunk. Ever since my interaction with Voldemort he’s been watching me with an odd look. He’s been thinking rather deeply, and from time to time he looks a bit dazed. I’m personally trying not to think if I can help it. Although I’m certain we’re having two very different forms of crisis. As I reach for something in my trunk, he grabs my hand. 

“Can you take a break from unpacking for a moment?” he asks. 

“Of course,” I smile. I lean against my desk, “What’s up?” 

He watches me carefully before speaking. It is rather odd to see him so unsure of himself. In all the time I’ve known him, nothing besides confidence had ever been portrayed. 

“Are you and Severus close?” he asks. 

“I mean we’re friends. I think it would be a stretch really to call us particularly close. We mostly just study,” I shrug. I don’t even want to have this conversation. 

“Just friends?” he still looks unsure of my answer. 

“Of course,” I reach out to take his hand. “Just friends. Practically strangers, really.” 

With one offhanded compliment made by Voldemort, Lucius Malfoy is rendered jealous of Severus Snape. It’s sort of funny since Severus is only in my life to the degree he is because of Lucius.

I remember something Dumbledore once told me about Voldemort: nothing is ever offhanded with him. Everything he says or does serves a purpose. What would he want to make Lucius jealous? 

Lucius stands up now, walking with ease across the room to stand in front of me. Just as though the previous conversation never happened, his usual confidence returns. A small smirk begins playing on his lips. He rakes the tips of his fingers along my bare arm. 

“I think he likes you,” he comments. 

“Who? Severus?” I raise an eyebrow. 

He rolls his eyes, “No. The Dark Lord.” 

“I do come from a good family,” I shrug. “I suppose he just respects my father.” 

Lucius shrugs now as well, “Perhaps you’re right.” 

“It would be an honor, however, to have his approval,” I say with a small smile, my toes curl with the effort it takes to say this. 

Finally, the tension in the room seems to dissipate. Relief washes through me, as I successfully soothed what’s likely to be the first of many knots in my time home. I understand now why Ronan had decided to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas. 

With a satisfied smile Lucius leans into me and places a soft kiss on my lips. Everything in this moment melts away, and all I focus on is the warmth of his hands on me as they begin their curious explorations. He tries to pull away, but with my fingers gripping the lapels of his jacket I tug him even closer. A satisfied hum leaves him as he surrenders to me. The kiss deepens ever so deliciously. I push the jacket off his shoulders, and he sets it on the desk without breaking contact. One of his hands comes to rest on my lower back while the other grips my hair. I sigh. 

Finally, the kiss breaks. Both of us take deep breaths. There’s a ball of tension in my core, a desire I’ve felt but never given into. He soothes his fingers across my cheek, the echo of Voldemort’s cold hand doing the same gesture. I kiss Lucius again, an effort made to rid my mind of the day's events. I push him backwards until the back of his knees hit the side of my bed. Our connection breaks as he sits down on the bed. With a playful smirk, he pulls me to straddle his lap. 

“What’s gotten into you?” he asks. 

I shrug as I pull at his shirt, untucking it before beginning to unbutton it. His hands soothe down my back. His silver eyes watch my hands. My eyes soak in each inch of pale flesh as it’s revealed to me. Lucius is taut beneath my hands as I push his shirt off. He leans back a bit as I look him over. Finally, I lean in to capture the soft flesh of his neck between my teeth, leaving gentle nibbles along his neck. I leave soft kisses along his collarbone and chest. He lets out a soft groan before his fingers grip at the hem of my sweater, I lean up so he can pull it over my head. I quickly unfasten my bra and discard it as well. 

His hands soothe along the curves of my breast before his thumbs tease my nipples. I let out a soft moan, and my hips grind against his growing erection. He grabs my waist and adjusts our position so he can hover above me. His lips trail down my neck, my collarbone, then between my breasts. His tongue teases each of my nipples, causing the tension in my core to grow. I’m desperate to hold onto this feeling. 

Just for a moment I want nothing else besides my own desire to matter. He leans up onto his knees, and reaches for his wand on the nightstand. He casts a few wards on the room. I take the opportunity to undo his pants. A soft groan falls from his lips as I stroke the head of his cock with my thumb.

“Lindy,” he mutters. Hearing my nickname falling from his lips so sinfully only reminds me of Sirius.

“Call me Rosalind,” I beg him. “Please.” 

“Rosalind,” he purrs before leaning in to press a quick kiss on my lips. 

He stands up so he can slide my pants off, followed quickly by my panties. I’ve never been fully naked in front of someone, and I find myself attempting to cover my body. My arms wrap around my abdomen. He reaches out, and pries them away from me. Letting each arm rest at my side. 

“Don’t hide, Rosalind,” his voice is a deep breathless whisper. “You’re so beautiful.” 

I let out a deep sigh as his fingers soothes along my inner thigh. He drags his finger along my slit, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his lips when he earns a moan from me.

Two fingers circle my clit, sending a jolt of electricity through me. He positions himself between my legs, and his head dips between my thighs to taste me. His tongue teases my entrance while his fingers continue teasing my clit. My fingers tangle in his hair. A tingling tension forms in the pit of my stomach, and my back arches in an effort to create more friction. My climax leaves me a shuddering mess. He continues his assault on my sensitive nub until the final wave of pleasure breaks. 

He hovered above me, his eyes searching mine as though for a clue. His length is aligned with my entrance. 

“Are you sure about this?” he asks. 

“Yes.” 

He carefully pushes his considerable length inside of me. I let out a soft whimper at the dull pain he causes. He stays still for a moment to allow me to adjust, leaving a soft kiss on my forehead in a soothing gesture. The pain subsides, and I press my hips against him to encourage him to thrust. He pulls out of me completely before easing himself back inside. He does the same motion a few more times, the pleasure beginning to build each time. My fingers dig into his back as he begins setting an aching pace. 

My climax begins to build again as his thrusts become deeper. Without much thought, my hips begin matching his thrusts adding to the friction on my clit. My fingers dig into his back as my climax begins approaching. 

“Such a good girl,” he praises me. 

His pace is relentless. My head goes fuzzy as the pleasure becomes almost unbearable. My second orgasm rips through me, and I nearly cry out. My walls closing around him brings forth his climax as well, and he pulls out just in time to spill his seed on my thigh. We’re both breathless for a few moments. We stare at each other with flushed cheeks and admiration. 

For the first time in months I feel at ease. 


	19. Chapter Nineteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone leaves for Christmas. Stevie receives some devastating news from her father.

The train ride back to London is filled with lots of cheer and happiness. Everyone seems to be excited to go home for the holidays, and I’m just happy to spend Christmas with my aunt and uncle. My brother was pretty upset with me when I sent him a letter to let him know I wasn’t coming to the estate. He was understanding, but I know that he would still be sad nevertheless.

I sat with the guys and Lily on the way home and we all tried to celebrate and be happy despite knowing we will be apart for a little while. We exchanged gifts that we had bought for each other and ate loads of sweets. I was a bit sad because I had actually bought a gift for Lindy. Somehow, I still really wanted to give her the gift, but I chickened out last minute. I hadn’t seen her when we left Hogwarts and I didn’t see her on the train either. Something tells me she wasn’t feeling up to sitting with us.

“Hey, have you seen Peter?” James asks all of us.

I think back to last week when I saw Peter near the kitchens, but I hadn’t talked to him in a bit. It was pretty weird that he wasn’t sitting with us either, but Sirius had mentioned that Peter decided to stay at Hogwarts for the holidays.

“I haven’t seen him in a little while. I just thought it was a bit weird. He’s usually always with us.” James tells us, and we’re all left wondering why he wouldn’t go home for Christmas.

This is soon forgotten as we’re told the train is nearing the station, so we all start talking about our plans when we return to school and making promises to write throughout the holidays.

Before we leave the train, Remus pulls me aside in the compartment and I’m kind of confused. Our relationship has not changed since we made up and had gone to the dance as friends, but we remained close throughout the months.

“Stevie, I know you said you weren’t going home for the holidays,” Remus starts as he leans in close, “but if you do plan on going, please tell me. I just want to make sure you are safe and your father won’t hurt you.”

I’m so happy at how protective he is being, and it’s really warming my heart. Remus is such a sweetheart and he wants the best for everyone. He’s always been one to look out for his good friends.

“Of course, you don’t have to worry. I wasn’t really planning on it, but I might visit on Christmas day. I’ll be writing to you almost everyday, promise.” I wrap my arms around his lanky frame and inhale his scent.

_ He’s always smelled so warm and like wildflowers. It’s like springtime… _

Remus cups my face and tilts my head forward to his. My breath hitches in my throat as he leans in closer and kisses me softly. I really missed his kisses. 

As he pulls away, I’m already longing for more. I wish I could go to his home with him for the holidays, but his parents don’t really approve of my father so by extension, they aren’t very fond of me. It’s not like they hate me, but they wouldn’t be very happy with Remus if I were to join in abruptly on the family fun.

“I’ll write to you as much as I can. Happy Christmas, Stevie.” Remus says as he hands me a small package. The wrapping paper is adorned with silvery stars and golden moons.

“Happy Christmas, Remus.” We both leave the train and spot our friends who are already speaking to their parents. I can see Alois and Mary waiting for me.

I part ways with my friends after hugging them all one last time. I worry about Sirius a bit seeing as he’ll be going to the Potters for the holidays, and I know he’ll be missing Lindy. We usually tried our best to hang out during the holidays when we were all friends, but this year had changed us all. I fear things would no longer be the same after all the drama that has settled into our lives.

Alois and Mary pull me into a tight group hug as they ask me a million and one questions about school and how my friends were. They help me with my luggage and we all leave Kings Cross station.

We catch a cab back to their place, and I find it very odd that they’ve decided to allow a muggle to drive us home rather than apparate. Yet, it is exciting to me because I’m rarely allowed to indulge in muggle affairs as father always banned me from learning about their lifestyles.

The ride home is quiet due to the fact that we don’t want to let on that we are in fact wizards, and the cab driver isn’t asking us too many questions. We wish him happy holidays as we finally arrive and we watch as he drives off into the evening.

“We’re so happy you decided to come home to us for the holidays!” Alois announces as he brings my luggage inside.

“Yes, we wanted you to be comfortable, but if you do want to visit Ares and Cecilia and your grandparents, you’re more than welcome to.” Mary adds.

Inside the flat, everything is decorated to the brim for Christmas. It’s cheerful and warm. I feel so at home as soon as I step inside. There’s a huge tree in the living room near the fireplace that’s decked with three stockings that have our names on them. The tree hasn’t been decorated yet, so I presume this will be one of the activities that was planned to include me.

“We waited for you to decorate the tree! This has always been my favorite thing about Christmas.” Mary tells me and I smile. I love how much they’ve made me feel included in their family.

“Thank you. I love decorating the tree as well.” I say.

I make my way upstairs to my bedroom and I start to unpack a bit. My black cat, Anubis, is sleeping on my bed. He seems so comfortable and I’m so happy Alois was able to procure him from home. I’d hate to think of him all alone with my angry father. Anubis was not fond of him at all. 

Usually he’d come with me to school, but I had been so forgetful when I left home to come here that I left Anubis at home. Now, we were reunited and I was so happy to have my kitty with me.

As I unpack, I start to think about how my friends are doing and how much I already miss them. The kiss between Remus and I plays in my mind over and over again until I find myself drifting off to sleep…

  
  


When I wake up, it’s very late in the night and I decide to go downstairs to get something to eat. I do my best to not make too much noise to wake up anyone, but Mary and Alois are still awake. They seem worried.

“What’s wrong?” I ask them as I sit down at the table.

“I’ll make you something to eat while Alois explains what’s going on.” Mary says as she starts making me a sandwich.

“Stevie, we’ve just received a letter from Cecilia,” Alois starts while looking down at the table, “she’s told us that your father has asked for you.”

I swallow the bite I’ve taken and I immediately feel sick to my stomach. I push away the plate and sigh. How could he have changed his mind so suddenly? I’ve only been away from home for a few months. I thought he’d never want to see me again.

“He doesn’t want neither Mary nor myself to come by for Christmas. He only wants you to come.” Alois finishes. I don’t know how to feel other than disgusted. Part of me wanted to believe that my father actually missed me, but I think he just wanted to indoctrinate me once again.

“Okay, I will go visit on Christmas. I’ll be in contact with you if anything goes wrong.” I tell them, and they both agree that nothing bad will happen. Despite how erratic my father is, he wouldn’t try to do anything in front of Ares and Cecilia. If we would be alone, things might play out differently.

The next few days pass by so fast, I’m surprised that it’s already Christmas Eve. I spent most of my time with my aunt and uncle doing holiday things like decorating the tree and doing some last minute shopping in Diagon Alley. The shops were bustling and full of happy people. Everyone seemed in a good mood despite the feeling of dread. A Death Eater attack had been reported in a few places in Scotland. Things were tense during our time away from school, but I did my best to not ruin anything for me.

Tonight, Alois, Mary and I spent time as a family. We listened to Christmas songs on vinyl sung by famous muggles, we ate a nice turkey dinner and opened a few presents. None of us spoke too much about the attack that happened just yesterday, but we all felt a little distressed.

“Do you really think I’ll be safe tomorrow with my father?” I ask while we eat. Alois gives Mary a glance and I can’t read his emotions well. This has me uneasy.

“I don’t see him doing anything wrong in front of Ares and Cecilia.” Mary announces, but there is some worry in her voice.

“I still want you to be vigilant. Your father may have had something to do with these attacks, so you never know what could happen.” Alois explains.

We allow ourselves to finish eating in peace, and we spend a little time together in the living room. I try my best to be festive and happy, but there is some doubt in my mind. I don’t know what will happen when I see my father, but I don’t see it being good.

The next day, I pack up a few things including the gifts for the rest of my family, and I allow Alois to apparate in front of the manor. It was made obvious to us by another letter that Alois was not welcome inside.

“Happy Christmas, Stevie. Please don’t hesitate to get in contact with me if anything goes wrong. I hope you have a good day regardless.” He hugs me tightly before disapparating.

I take a deep breath before heading towards the front door. It was like walking into a haunted house in a way. I didn’t know what I would find on the other side of the door. I really wanted to have a nice family Christmas, but it could end up in fighting and tears.

The doors are flung open while Ares comes running up to me and hugging me tightly. Even though we are sorted into the same house, Ares and I don’t spend a lot of time together at school. He’s on the quidditch team, the choir and he spends most of his time doing extracurricular activities. He’s quite the overachiever.

“I’m so happy you’ve decided to come home for Christmas. I know things have been odd for you this year, but I wanted to see you and make sure you were going to be okay.” He says as he continues to hold me close.

“Ares, I wish we’d spend more time together at school. Sometimes, I just want to be with you and not have to hang out with anyone else.” I tell him truthfully. My younger brother is so intelligent and he’s going to go so far in life.

“You know you can always come see me. No one is stopping you from spending time with me.” Ares says matter-of-factly. Ares spends most of his time with other intelligent students. Whether they be Death Eaters or not, he doesn’t care about that.

“I know, I’m just so foolish and forgetful sometimes…” There’s an awkward silence before he ushers me inside.

The manor is beautifully decorated in green and silver garland and tinsel. The house elves are working nonstop to make sure everything is going according to plan.

Ares brings me up to my room so I can place my luggage down. He leaves me be for a few moments, but I’m not alone for very long. There is a knock on my door.

When I answer, I’m surprised to find my grandmother Elaira standing just outside the door. She wraps her frail arms around me and pulls me in tight. I’m very happy to see her as well. She smells like gardenias and roses. It kind of reminds me of something vague that I cannot pinpoint, so I just brush the idea aside.

“Every year you grow older, you look more and more like Rowlanda. She was such a looker. You must have to beat off the boys with a stick.” My grandmother quips and I smile. She’s always been humorous and I’ve always felt comforted by her jokes and comments.

“Thank you grandmother. I hope to be half the witch she was.” I confess.

“Oh I know you will be a wonderful witch. You already impress both me and your grandfather. You know, your great grandfather Wesley Frost was a very famous and prosperous alchemist. I hope you consider joining that work field once you’re done with school.” We talk about our family and the ancestors as we make our way downstairs and into the lounge.

I’m taken aback at the amount of details in the decorations. There were floating snow globes with green and silver snow blowing around in them, as well as twinkling golden stars adorning every corner of the room. The fireplace was decked with lavish stockings with everyone’s names monogrammed on each.

The tree was the piece de resistance. It was a silver fir and it stood very tall. On top of the tree was another golden star and the baubles and bulbs that hung on every branch were very eye catching.

“Oh grandmother! This looks lovely! I hope the house elves didn’t work too hard!” I exclaim.

“You know they don’t mind it.” She jests. I look over at her and she has another house elf pouring us both a drink. My father and grandfather are nowhere in sight, and I know that Cecilia was in the kitchen helping with the cooking.

Ares joins us from the study, and I can hear a quiet conversation between my father and grandfather behind the closed doors.

“Have a drink, Stephania. You deserve it.” I take the glass of brandy from my grandmother’s hands.

We all sit back on the comfy emerald and teal couch, which sits just in front of the fireplace. There’s some light Christmas music playing from somewhere, and Ares has already fetched some of my gifts so I can open them.

I laugh as I unwrap several gifts. I feel like a little girl opening these lush gifts from my family members. Ares had gotten me a new stationary set that was decorated with black cats that resembled Anubis. Cecilia bought me some outfits that really suited my style, and I could tell she really knew how I dressed.

Grandmother and grandfather bought me some new textbooks for school along with some expensive sweets and some sweet-smelling toiletries. 

I had a feeling that my father had not bought me anything, but I was wrong. He invites me into the study with grandfather, so I excuse myself and walk into the study. I feel small once I sit down next to the two patriarchs of this family.

“I’m glad you’ve graced us with your presence, Stephania.” Father is the first to speak up. His voice is dripping with a weird sarcasm that I can’t make out and I feel defenseless against him. He’s always had the upper hand on me, even when I was a child.

“Oh come off it, Edmund. You shouldn’t be so cold with your only daughter. How would Rowlanda have felt about this?” My grandfather Alatar tells my father. It’s weird to hear my grandfather speak up about my mother, but it feels good to know that someone has my back.

“Don’t you dare speak that name in my presence. That person is not even a ghost to me.” My father is angry, but he remains composed. I’m repulsed at how he can’t even speak my mother’s name. For someone who was so in love with her, she’s non-existent in his reality.

“I can’t believe you can’t even talk about her! Even on Christmas, when we should remember her. I can’t even remember her! You’re lucky to have even known her, let alone loved her. I wish I still had a mother.” I spit out, but I immediately regret it.

There’s a tense silence in the air before my father speaks up. I’m afraid that I’ve made a mistake with my outburst, but somehow my father has the decency to be calm.

“Stephania, I returned from Cygnus Estates just the other day,” I’m shocked to hear this, “and I’ve learned something very valuable. I’d like for you to follow suit in Rosalind’s initiative in this regard.” My mind races once he mentions Lindy. I hope she’s okay. 

“What happened with Lindy?” I ask in horror. I know whatever he’s going to say will not be a happy thing. I don’t want to hear that she’s been hurt. I feel myself tense as I grip my wand in my pocket. If I have to hex my father, I won’t be afraid to do so anymore.

“She’s met with the dark lord and even promised to fight for him in this war. I expect you to do the same.” This is when my grandfather interjects.

“I’ll have none of this! We’ve done so much to try and shed our bad image from the dark ages and already you’ve become such a monster! I don’t want you to subject Stephania to this.” Grandfather grabs my hand and leads me out of the study.

I hear father slamming his glass on the ground, and I know now that he has lost all his cool. I wish I were able to go in there and comfort him, but my grandfather was right, my father was a monster.

My family may not be fond of muggles and muggleborns, but I know that my grandparents did their best to try and shed the image of being a dark family for the most part. They still wanted to be known as an elite pureblood family, but they didn’t want to seem cruel.

“I know what happened to your friend Rosalind.” Grandfather tells me.

“What happened to her? Is she okay?” We may not be friends anymore, but I was still worried about her nevertheless. I didn’t want anything bad to happen to her.

“They made her get a tattoo. The one that demonstrates her allegiance to Voldemort.” He explains.

Tears spill down my cheeks as I realize how far gone Lindy was. I don’t think we’ll ever be friends again after this. There was no way she was faking this. This was real now and I had to accept that my former best friend is now a Death Eater. My heart ached for Lindy as I thought about all our time together growing up. She was like the sister I never had, and I couldn’t even fathom losing her this way. I wanted to leave this place now, but even if I did I knew it wouldn’t change anything. Nothing would ever change the way that I felt about losing Lindy. We’d never be friends again. We’d never spend time together again...

  
  



	20. Chapter Twenty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rosalind gets to know Lord Voldemort over her Christmas holiday. Upon returning to Hogwarts, she must prepare for the worst.

When I wake up on Christmas morning, the house is cold and dark. My parents are together in the sitting room when I come downstairs. They’re speaking in hushed whispers which fall into silence as I enter the room. Even with my slippers and thick house robe on, it is still cold in the house.

My mother forces a smile, but my father in contrast manages a genuine one. It is not difficult to decipher who was most pleased to be hosting Lord Voldemort in our home. I worry about my mother being so forthright with her displeasure.

“Rosalind,” my father stands up to cross the room. “Happy Christmas, darling.” 

“Happy Christmas,” I force a smile of my own.

The past two days I’ve been home have been rather miserable. Lucius had to leave for a mission a couple days after I arrived, so I haven’t had anyone close to my own age around to talk to. Not to mention the only thing that’s actually managed to give me any kind of relief is fucking him. He’s pleased with what he calls my “voracious appetite”, and I’m pleased with the escapism his skills provide. We spent almost the whole first night I was home tangled on my bed pleasing one another. My parents never even cared to check in on us. 

Aunt Theo would come up to my room sometimes to talk to me, but eventually the somberness of our holiday drove her away as well. That leaves me to deal with everything alone. Mostly I try to stay in my room and read. 

Since meeting Voldemort for the first time in person, I do try to avoid him. Being in his presence causes an odd mix of emotions for me. On one hand my father is so pleased to have him in our home, and is almost giddy with the pride of Voldemort approving of me. On the contrary my mother seems terrified of the same thing. I’m worried about the things being talked about when I’m not around. 

Mum stands up to give me a hug as well. She has a tortured look in her eyes, and it makes me wonder what they’d been talking about before I came into the room. Dad walks to the other side of the room to retrieve an elegantly wrapped parcel with a large silver bow on top. 

“We weren’t able to do as much as usual this year, but we did manage this,” Father says as he rejoins Mum and me.

They both move to take their seats again on the sofa. I untie the bow, and then pull apart the thick snowflake adorned wrapping paper to reveal a small black box. When I open it, I find a silver necklace with a snake and emerald cameo pendant. The snake curls around the pendant with its neck stretched out as though ready to strike. It’s beautiful, but is also a reminder of what their expectations truly are for me. 

“Thank you so much,” I smile as I take the necklace out of its box. “Put it on me, please?” 

My father nods, and I turn around so he can fasten it around my neck. The pendant comes to rest right in the center of my chest. I turn around to showcase it and both of my parents smile proudly now. 

“It suits you so well,” my mother smiles. “The perfect necklace for the top Slytherin.” 

I open my mouth to speak, but find a soft knock on the door frame. We all turn to see Voldemort standing in the entrance of the sitting room. The few strands of gray hair he has left are slicked back, his lifeless black eyes almost show some hint of excitement when he looks at me. 

“I hope I am not interrupting a touching family moment,” Voldemort’s raspy voice comes from the door. 

“Of course not, my lord,” my father bows his head submissively. My mother does the same. 

“I would like a moment of your time,” Voldemort says. My father steps forward, and Voldemort holds up one of his pale hands. “Not you, Ronan. Your daughter, Rosalind.” 

“Of course, my lord,” I say before either of my parents have time to answer for me. 

He is pleased with my obedience. I follow him out of the room, and we go down the hallway to the parlor. There is a small fire in the fireplace, but other than that the room is dark. He sits down on the sofa. I sit down on the chair next to the fireplace hoping to soak in some of the warmth. He watches me with those frighteningly dark eyes, the only detectable emotion on his face is perhaps curiosity. 

“Tell me, Lindy, what is your best subject at Hogwarts?” he asks as he leans forward. 

“Perhaps Potions, sir. Although I am rather good at charms as well.” 

He nods thoughtfully, “Such a humble girl you are. To hear Lucius tell it, you’re the brightest witch to ever grace Hogwarts.” 

“Perhaps the brightest he’s seen,” I find myself cracking a smile, “But to be fair Lucius has seen many witches.” 

“His opinion does hold a certain amount of weight to me when it comes to matters of recruitment.” 

“Is that what you want to do? Recruit me?” 

If I could change any sentence I’ve ever uttered, it would be this one. Not because this led to my recruitment, it was quite obvious this was the goal. No, I would change the wording of it, perhaps add more fear to my voice instead of the eagerness that came out which seemed to hold a hint of suggestiveness I hadn’t intended. He noticed it as well. There are few things he wouldn’t notice. A small shadow of a smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. 

“Perhaps,” he leans back now in his chair. “I need loyalty, Rosalind. Someone at my side who can do my bidding because they want success, not out of fear.” 

“Bellatrix-” 

“Is married,” he interrupts. I’m shocked to hear the slightest hint of jealousy to his voice. She would give him everything, Rodolphus be damned. “She is also not subtle. I couldn’t send Bellatrix to gather intelligence or steal something without her causing problems.” 

“I understand.” 

And I do understand. Somehow I am able to read between the lines to know this isn’t exactly a business discussion. He wants a possession. Something more malleable than Bellatrix. She’s obsessively in love with Voldemort, and while that certainly serves its purpose it also makes her more of a liability. She’s unstable. He wants someone to shape into his perfect right hand. Someone eager to learn not just to appease him, but to serve his cause.

He continues studying me for a few moments. I have the feeling he’s trifling through my thoughts, and I’m thankful to have learned how to control myself so well. 

A few moments later three people enter the room: Bellatrix, Rodolphus, and Edmund Frost. He watches me curiously as he enters the room. 

“Good,” Voldemort says, “You have arrived.” 

Bellatrix glares at me as though hoping to set me on fire where I sit. I can tell she’s trying to decipher what has been going on, and I wish I could tell her it’s not been half as terrible as she’s likely imagining. I’m relieved when I see that familiar blond hair waltz through the door. Lucius beams at me. The elegant black robes they all wear makes me aware of still being in my pajamas. 

“I believe we have found our newest member,” Voldemort announces.

I can see Bellatrix’s face drop. Her heavily hooded eyes seem to attempt sadness. 

“This little puppy?” she asks before tugging a strand of my hair. 

Lucius places a hand on my shoulder, “You question the Dark Lord?” 

Bellatrix tilts her head, “No, I question this itty-bitty-baby.” 

“Shut up, both of you,” Voldemort finally speaks up. “Rosalind, come here.” 

I rise from my seat, and walk across the room to him. He pats the seat next to him. Lucius has taken the seat I vacated, and offers me a reassuring smile before I sit down. Coldness seems to radiate off of Voldemort. 

His long white fingers wrap around my wrist easily, and he pulls my arm towards him. I let out a gasp at his cold touch as he pushes the sleeve of my robe up. He presses his wand against my wrist, and he leans forwards. For a moment I think he’s going to kiss me, and I prepare for the worst. 

“Rosalind, will you swear your loyalty to me as your master?” He speaks in a low whisper, not unlike the way Lucius (or Sirius who I have to constantly remind myself not to think of) has whispered to me in our shared intimacies. 

My heart pounds in my chest, my mind is unable to grasp the reality of the situation. I know if I hesitate he will grow suspicious, if I downright reject this recruitment my whole family is at risk, “I do.” 

Black swirls beneath my skin like ink in water. It itches and burns as it begins taking shape. The first splotch comes to settle at my forearm. I’m so focused on watching the image beginning to show on my arm, I almost forget about all the eyes on me. 

“Do you swear you would rather die than betray me? You will answer my every call?” he asks me. 

“I do.” 

The Dark Mark begins taking shape now. The snake stretching out of the mouth of the skull, curling around, then stretching down almost to my wrist.

“Very good,” he almost purrs.

He pulls my sleeve back down, and releases my arm from his grasp. Lucius reports on his mission, which apparently had been to meet with Severus and my brother in the Forbidden Forest about recruitment. Then he had to go to Gringotts, but that was a secret mission so he said nothing else in front of me. Bellatrix and Rodolphus were able to confirm that Fenrir Greyback was still working to recruit more werewolves. My head is spinning, but I try to soak in as much of the information as I can. It became clear to me that their main focus at the moment was recruitment. 

After everything is settled, and Voldemort is satisfied we’re all dismissed. Lucius and I walk out together. He holds my hand, and as we walk down the hallway he pauses for a moment. We wait for Rodolphus and Bellatrix to disapparate. Lucius turns to me with a small smile.

“I’m proud of you,” he whispers as he takes my hand. 

Proud is the exact opposite of the disgust churning in my stomach. In every imagining of how this would go, I never imagined it going this far. I want to be alone. Lucius’ hand around mine suddenly feels like a shackle. My mind feels like it’s trying to detach from reality. 

“I better go get dressed,” I tell Lucius with a small smile forced on my face. “I’m embarrassed to have been wearing my pajamas during such an important event.” 

He smirks, “At least you look wonderful in everything you wear.” 

I shake my head, “Don’t try to be all charming with me.” 

He leans in to kiss me. His lips brush against mine softly, the way he presses himself against me makes his real desires. I pull away from him, and turn to go up the stairs. I just wanted to be left alone. I have to remind myself not to lose control of my emotions. 

“Rosalind,” Lucius calls after me, “aren’t you interested in what I got you for Christmas?” 

I turn around at the top of the stairs, now looking down on him with a small smile. 

“I thought you were the present,” I tease him. 

He laughs and shakes his head, “Nice try.” 

He walks up the stairs while reaching into the pockets of his robe. He fishes out an ornate silver box, and gives it to me once he’s reached the top of the stairs. I turn the box over in my hands, admiring the ornate ocean carvings on it. 

“Open it,” he whispers before pressing a kiss on my cheek. 

I open the lid with my thumb. In the black velvet lining of the box sits a small diamond ring with a braided band. 

“What is this?” I ask slowly. 

“It’s just a ring for now,” he assures me with a small smile. “But one day it could be an engagement ring.” 

“So, my gift is the future?” I raise an eyebrow. 

“Yes,” he smiles. “I thought since it’s Christmas, I would make my intentions clear.”

I lean up to kiss him softly before whispering, “Thank you.” 

He smiles, “I love you, Rosalind.” 

My heart pounds, and a breath catches in my throat. 

“I love you too,” I lie. 

It could be true. If I try to forget everything else, I could be in love with him. Lucius is pleasant to be around when it’s just us. He treats me well. It could be true, but it’s not. He takes my hand in his before retrieving the ring out of the box. He slides it onto my finger. 

“Hang onto it, hm?” he smiles, “Think of it as a reminder of what awaits us when you get out of school.” 

“I was so scared that he would kill me on the spot if I refused to get the mark,” I explained to Dumbledore in his office after Christmas. The fire burns in the fireplace, and two cups of hot tea sit untouched on the small table sitting between us. I twist the ring Lucius gave me around my finger nervously.

“How does it feel to be around Voldemort?” he asks, “What are his intentions?” 

I shake my head, “I don’t know. It’s scary. I feel like I’m being studied or something. He pays attention to every move I make, and he speaks to me in a strangely intimate way.” 

Dumbledore leans back against his chair, “I’ve seen him do this before. Bellatrix Lestrange, when she was about your age. He’s grooming you, Rosalind. Quite eagerly too, I suspect.” 

I gulp, “That’s terrible. I’m nothing like her.” 

“No, you’re certainly not,” he agrees. “You should write letters in case you don’t make it to the other side of this war.”

“Letters, sir?” I question.

“For your friends,” he explains. “Sometimes unpleasant things are easier to swallow from the source. If you do not survive this war, you still deserve the chance to explain yourself.” 

My heart pounds. Tears prick my eyes as the reality of his words sink in. I’ve known from the start what I was doing was dangerous, but only since receiving the dark mark have I realized the extent. 

“Do you think I will die?” I ask him, “Why would you ask me to do this if you thought I was in that much danger?” 

“Miss Cygnus, I am afraid I have made a terrible mistake. One which you are having to pay the price for. I did not anticipate how eager Voldemort would be to recruit you,” he shakes his head. “I am so very sorry. I can keep you safe at Hogwarts, but outside of these walls things are beyond my control.”

Anger replaces the fear I felt before, “How could you ask me to be your puppet without anticipating the way this could go?” 

He sighs, “I understand why you’re angry. Just remember, it’s not over yet. You are still in a unique position to filter information to us.” 

“You’re right,” I nod. “I will write my letters. Should I give them to you when I’m finished.” 

“Yes. I promise you, Rosalind, I will keep your letters safe. If anything happens, I will make sure your friends know the truth.” 

“You should know they’re trying to recruit more werewolves. Lucius Malfoy is in charge of recruiting from the school. My brother and Severus Snape are his main contacts,” I explain. 

“Good work,” Dumbledore says halfheartedly. 

With a heavy heart I return to my dorm. Everyone has retired for the night, and so I’m left alone in the common room with my thoughts. My mind swims with thoughts as I try to think of everything I want to say to my friends in case I don’t survive. 

I write three letters. One to Stevie, my best friend who never wanted to give up on me. One to Remus, the boy who is too kind and intelligent for his own good sometimes. And finally, one to Sirius, the boy who meant the world to me. The only boy I will ever love. 

One by one I say goodbye to my friends, hoping they never have to read these letters. I’m up writing letters until the morning sun illuminates the lake, sending green light streaming into the common room. With the matter of saying goodbye in the event of my untimely death now settled, I find my way back to Dumbledore’s office. I slip the letters under the door before going towards the Great Hall for an early breakfast. 

As I walk down the corridor, I catch a glimpse of Sirius sneaking into the castle, looking disheveled as always. He turns around, but doesn’t see me. A smile spreads across his face as Remus, James, and Peter follow after him. Stevie runs to catch up with them, wrapping her arm around Remus with a wide smile on her face. She plants a kiss on his cheek. They all walk down the corridor together, triumphant in their mischief. I would give anything to be there with them laughing in the morning sun. Perhaps I would be glued to Sirius’ side, taking in the beauty of his smile. 

I watch as they all walk together, enjoying each other’s presence. Stevie looks back, she sees me standing at the end of the corridor. I wonder if she can feel my longing. A sad look flashes across her face, but Remus nudges her before it can take over. 

There are tears stinging my eyes as they disappear from my view, and yet I smile. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! :) Book 2 will be up soon.


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